The Evolutionary Psychology Of Love, Lust & Cheating - Dr Anna Machin

The Evolution of Love

• Love evolved to aid human survival, as humans are highly cooperative and rely on relationships for survival and passing on genes.
• Love acts as a form of biological bribery, motivating and rewarding individuals for forming and maintaining crucial relationships.

Love in Animals

• While it's difficult to define love definitively, most mammals experience basic forms of love, including attachment and nurturing relationships, driven by oxytocin and dopamine.
• Determining whether animals experience human-like love requires considering factors like attachment, neurochemistry (including beta-endorphin), grief, friendships, and cognitive empathy.
• Some higher mammals, such as dolphins, whales, gorillas, and chimpanzees, exhibit evidence of human-like love.
• Dogs may also experience human levels of love, though their cognitive empathy is still being researched.
• Neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp argued that while many animals experience basic love, humans have added cultural complexities to the concept, making it seem more complicated than it truly is.

The Neurochemistry of Love

• Love is a complex neurochemical process involving various hormones and brain regions.
• Dopamine, a hormone associated with motivation and reward, plays a role in love, but it's not the only factor.
• Other neurochemicals involved in love include beta-endorphin, which is addictive and contributes to long-term relationships, oxytocin, which promotes social bonding and reduces anxiety, and serotonin, which is linked to obsessive love.

The Social Cost of Love

• Being social is costly and stressful, as it involves navigating social hierarchies, managing competition, and dealing with potential betrayal.
• Humans need social connections for survival, particularly for raising children and learning complex skills.
• Love evolved as a mechanism to motivate individuals to overcome the challenges of social life and form bonds that are essential for survival and well-being.

Attraction and Lust

• Lust and attraction are distinct systems. Lust is driven by the hypothalamus and sex hormones, while attraction is based on oxytocin and dopamine.
• Attraction is a broader concept that applies to all types of relationships, including friendships and familial bonds.
• Lust is specific to romantic relationships and is controlled by a different part of the brain.

The Neurochemistry of Attraction

• Oxytocin in attraction helps individuals focus on potential partners and reduces anxiety, while dopamine provides a reward for engaging in social interactions.
• Oxytocin and dopamine work together to create attraction. Oxytocin promotes relaxation and bonding, while dopamine motivates action and learning.
• These neurochemicals make the brain more plastic, particularly in areas related to memory and learning, allowing individuals to quickly learn about and remember potential partners.

The Unconscious Assessment of Mate Value

• Attraction initially occurs unconsciously, driven by sensory information that the brain uses to assess a potential mate's "mate value," or reproductive success.
• This unconscious assessment involves analyzing visual cues like body shape and facial symmetry, auditory cues like tone of voice, and even olfactory cues like genetic compatibility (for women).
• If a potential mate is deemed a good match, oxytocin and dopamine flood the nucleus accumbens, triggering a subconscious attraction.
• This initial unconscious attraction then transitions into a conscious process, where individuals consciously contemplate their feelings and consider factors like physical appearance, personality, and social compatibility.

The Role of Smell in Attraction

• Women have a unique ability to smell a potential partner's Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC) genes, which are linked to immune system diversity.
• Women are attracted to men with MHC genes that are significantly different from their own, as this promotes genetic diversity in offspring and a stronger immune system.
• This unconscious olfactory preference can explain why some women find certain men attractive despite not being able to articulate the reason.
• The speaker discusses the evolutionary reasons why women may have retained a stronger sense of smell than men. They suggest that this is because women need to be more certain about the health of a potential mate, as pregnancy and childbirth are more risky for them.

The Evolution of Kissing

• The speaker then explores the evolution of kissing, noting that while all humans kiss, only 100% of kissing across cultures occurs between mothers and children. There is no definitive answer to why humans kiss, with theories ranging from passing masticated food to testing the health of the other person.
• The speaker mentions that Mr. Dunbar has posited that kissing may have evolved to increase proximity and allow for checking compatibility between immune systems.
• The speaker acknowledges that not all cultures engage in romantic kissing, but that it is prevalent in many cultures.

Love in Long-Term Relationships

• The speaker transitions to discussing the role of love in maintaining long-term romantic relationships. They explain that love is distinct from attraction and involves different neurochemicals, particularly oxytocin.
• The speaker highlights that oxytocin, while beneficial for short-term bonding, is not suitable for long-term relationships due to its short duration and the development of tolerance.
• The speaker emphasizes that oxytocin is released in large quantities in relationships associated with reproduction, such as mother-child and sexual relationships.
• The speaker concludes by noting that the majority of human relationships are not sexual or reproductive, and that oxytocin is released at lower levels in friendships.

Beta-Endorphin and Long-Term Love

• Beta-endorphin is the neurochemical of long-term love. It was discovered in primates and is released during social bonding activities like grooming. It is also released during activities like laughter, touch, exercise, dancing, singing, and even eating spicy food.

The Two Dimensions of Love

• Human love is complex and has two dimensions: biological and social. The biological dimension includes neurochemistry, neural activation, and genetics. The social dimension includes culture, religion, politics, media, education, family stories, and personal experiences.

Cultural Influences on Love

• Culture can influence our understanding of love. It can even override our biological drives. Different cultures have different definitions of love, and some cultures do not believe in romantic love.

Gender Differences in Love

• There is no significant difference in how men and women experience love. While there are some average differences, there is more variation within each sex than between them.
• While the brain's response to love is similar across genders, the way individuals experience love is heavily influenced by their genetics, attachment style, and upbringing.
• Cultural gender roles play a significant role in shaping how boys and girls are taught to express love. Studies show that boys are often encouraged to be strong protectors, suppressing emotional vulnerability, while girls are encouraged to express love through emotional displays.

The Oxytocin Receptor Gene

• The oxytocin receptor gene, a key player in love and empathy, has 26 point mutations that can affect how individuals experience love, including their ability to empathize and their motivation to be in relationships.
• Some individuals carry genetic variations that make them more adept at empathizing, while others have variations that make it more challenging.
• The oxytocin receptor gene also influences an individual's motivation to be in relationships, with some individuals having a stronger drive for connection than others.
• The oxytocin receptor gene influences social behavior and confidence levels. Individuals with fewer oxytocin receptors may experience less of the positive effects of oxytocin, leading to lower motivation and difficulty in social situations. This could be linked to introversion.

The Impact of Early Childhood Experiences

• The human brain undergoes significant development in the first two years of life, particularly the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for social cognition. This makes the brain highly susceptible to environmental influences.
• Children raised in nurturing environments develop strong neural connections in the prefrontal cortex, leading to better social skills and emotional regulation. They also tend to have lower levels of stress hormones and a smaller amygdala, which is responsible for processing fear and threat.
• Children raised in neglectful environments may experience neuronal death in the prefrontal cortex, leading to difficulties in social interactions and increased risk of antisocial behavior. They also tend to have a larger and more active amygdala and higher levels of stress hormones.

The Role of Genetics in Attachment Styles

• Attachment styles, which are psychological mindsets developed in early childhood, were previously thought to be solely influenced by the environment. However, recent research has identified genes that influence the impact of the environment on attachment styles.
• These genes, known as differentially susceptible genes, can make individuals more or less susceptible to the effects of their environment on their attachment profile. Individuals with a version of these genes that makes them less susceptible to environmental influence will be less affected by both nurturing and neglectful environments.
• This suggests that while the environment plays a significant role in shaping attachment styles, genetic factors can also influence how individuals respond to their environment.
• People with strong genes can navigate social relationships well, even with difficult upbringings. These genes are more powerful than the environment.
• There is a complex interplay between genetic predisposition and environmental reinforcement.
• If you have genes for anxiety, you are likely to grow up in an anxious household, reinforcing that trait.
• This explains why problems can cross generations, as unhealthy brain architecture can be passed down.
• The speaker believes that their generation has the tools to break this cycle, thanks to access to resources like podcasts and self-help books.
• The speaker's friend wants to have dinner with his four great-grandfathers to understand his own personality and where his traits come from.
• This highlights the power of the human brain for change, as we can learn from our past and break negative patterns.
• The human brain is highly plastic and can change patterns of behavior, even those influenced by upbringing.

Cheating and Evolutionary Psychology

• Cheating, from an evolutionary perspective, is driven by the desire to maximize reproductive success.
• For men, cheating allows them to potentially father more children, as they are often limited by monogamous relationships.
• For women, cheating can provide access to better genes, potentially leading to healthier offspring.
• The "dual mating hypothesis" suggests that both men and women may engage in both long-term committed relationships and short-term affairs.
• The "mate switching hypothesis" suggests that individuals may switch partners if they find a more suitable mate.
• The current state of research on these hypotheses is inconclusive, with evidence supporting both perspectives.
• The choice of mating strategy ultimately depends on individual circumstances and environmental factors.

Facial Asymmetry and Mate Choice

• Facial asymmetry is a key indicator of genetic strength, and women tend to have affairs with men who exhibit less facial asymmetry, suggesting a preference for better genes.
• Facial symmetry is a sign of attractiveness, as it indicates that a person has strong genes that allowed them to develop properly despite environmental challenges. Studies show that women tend to find partners with more symmetrical faces more attractive, even if they are not their long-term partners.

Cultural Influences on Cheating

• While testosterone plays a role in driving men's desire for sexual variety, it is not the only factor. Cultural influences and upbringing also play a significant role in determining whether a man will cheat. For example, men who grew up in families where cheating was common are more likely to cheat themselves.

Monogamy and Infidelity

• Humans are not naturally monogamous, but society has imposed a monogamous model to maintain order and predictability. This creates a mismatch between our biological drives and societal expectations, leading to challenges in maintaining monogamous relationships.
• Dr. Anna Machin, the speaker in the video, argues that humans are more accurately described as "serially monogamous," meaning they tend to have multiple monogamous relationships throughout their lives.
• Society often imposes monogamy, despite the fact that humans have a biological drive towards infidelity.

Polyamory and Non-Monogamy

• Polyamory, while often seen as immoral, can be viewed as a more honest and open approach to acknowledging human nature. Polyamorous individuals create rules and communication structures to manage complex relationships.
• The younger generation is more open to consensual non-monogamy, challenging traditional social structures and embracing their biological urges.

Aromantics and the Diversity of Love

• Aromantics, a group who do not experience romantic love, are often misunderstood and labeled as cold. They experience other forms of love, such as platonic love, and are often asexual.
• Aromantics demonstrate the societal obsession with romantic love, which is often seen as the pinnacle of human relationships.
• Aromantics form platonic life partnerships, building lives and even having children with partners based on platonic love, highlighting the diversity of human relationships.

The Hierarchy of Love

• Dr. Anna Machin argues that there is no hierarchy of love, and that romantic love is not superior to other forms of love, such as familial or platonic love.
• She emphasizes that humans are fortunate to experience love in various ways, and that the intensity of love cannot be objectively measured.
• Dr. Machin acknowledges that while neurochemically, sexual and parent-child relationships may be the most intense, this does not diminish the value of other forms of love.
• She highlights that the benefits of love, such as improved health and longevity, are not dependent on the type of love experienced.

Beta Marriages and the Subjectivity of Love

• Dr. Machin discusses the concept of "beta marriages," which are essentially trial marriages with a predetermined duration and the option to renew or end the relationship.
• She expresses reservations about the coldness and objectivity of this approach, arguing that love is a complex emotional experience that cannot be easily switched on or off.
• Dr. Machin draws a parallel between beta marriages and surrogacy, suggesting that both involve emotional complexities that cannot be simply disregarded.

The Limits of Evolutionary Psychology

• Dr. Anna Machin acknowledges that while evolutionary psychology can explain the biological basis of love, it doesn't fully capture the subjective experience of being in love.
• She emphasizes that love is incredibly complex, highly individual, and constantly evolving, making it difficult to fully understand or predict.
• Dr. Machin believes that the more she studies love, the more she is in awe of its power and influence on every aspect of human life, including our culture, relationships, and even our survival.
• She rejects the idea of a formula for love, arguing that its subjective nature makes it impossible to quantify or predict.
• Dr. Machin sees love as a cornerstone of human existence, essential for our well-being and the development of our society.
• She acknowledges the dark side of love, where its power can be used for manipulation and control, highlighting the unique human capacity to exploit love for personal gain.

The Dark Side of Love

• Jealousy is an emotion that evolved to help us survive by drawing our attention to threats to our critical relationships.
• Love can be used to manipulate and abuse, and this dark side of love is often overlooked.
• Men who are victims of domestic violence often stay in the relationship because they believe they can change their partner or rescue them.
• Some men who are victims of domestic violence stay in the relationship because they are afraid of losing custody of their children.
• There is a correlation between domestic violence within a family and domestic violence outside of the family.
• The speaker mentions a story about a housemaid who was locked in the attic by her employer, highlighting the potential for abuse to extend beyond the romantic relationship.
• The speaker discusses a book that explores the concept of generational trauma and how it can manifest in abusive relationships. The book features a character who is abused by her husband, and the story reveals that her husband's abusive behavior stems from his own childhood trauma.
• The speaker then introduces the concept of the "Dark Triad" personality, which encompasses narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism. Individuals with this personality type are more likely to engage in abusive behaviors, often using violence, coercion, and manipulation to maintain relationships.

The Rise of Female Friendships

• The speaker highlights a study that compared romantic relationships and best friendships among women. The study found that women are more emotionally intimate with their female best friends than with their romantic partners. This finding suggests that female friendships are becoming increasingly important in women's lives.
• The speaker attributes this shift to several factors, including increased access to contraception, greater economic independence for women, and the growing trend of women choosing to remain single or not have children. These factors have allowed women to build chosen families based on their friendships, which provide them with a sense of belonging and support.
• The speaker concludes by emphasizing that female friendships can be just as beneficial and loving as romantic relationships or parent-child relationships. This shift in women's priorities reflects a growing recognition of the importance of female friendships in their lives.

Male Friendships and Emotional Vulnerability

• Dr. Anna Machin believes that male friendships are heavily influenced by cultural norms, suggesting that men are raised to be more restrained in their displays of affection compared to women.
• She highlights the importance of emotional vulnerability in female friendships, emphasizing that women often share their deepest emotions with each other, creating a strong bond.
• Dr. Machin encourages men to embrace emotional vulnerability and express their feelings openly, arguing that it is crucial for their well-being and healthy relationships.
• She acknowledges that men often face societal pressures to suppress their emotions, particularly in roles like fatherhood, where they are expected to be strong and supportive.
• Dr. Machin shares a study suggesting that men tend to say "I love you" first in relationships, possibly due to a sense of responsibility to lead and express their feelings.
• She points out that this data might be skewed by couples who haven't yet had sex, suggesting that the dynamics of expressing love might change after intimacy.
• Dr. Machin acknowledges that love can be used as a tool for manipulation, highlighting the potential for individuals to exploit emotional connections for personal gain.

The Limitations of Evolutionary Psychology

• The speaker has been studying evolutionary psychology (EP) for the past four years and believes it offers a comprehensive understanding of human mating.
• While EP provides a framework for understanding mating behaviors like mate value, resource provisioning, and fertility, it lacks an exploration of the subjective experience of love.
• The speaker feels that EP, while a good starting point, fails to capture the complex emotional experience of falling in love and the accompanying feelings of intense attachment and worry.
• The speaker believes that art, film, music, dance, theater, and poetry might be better suited to exploring the phenomenological aspects of love.
• The speaker acknowledges that EP is not a perfect explanation for human behavior and that humans are incredibly complex beings with many facets.
• The speaker emphasizes that while EP provides a useful framework, it is only a starting point and cannot fully explain the intricacies of human emotions, particularly love.
• The speaker believes that the desire to objectify and explain everything scientifically, especially complex emotions like love, is a human tendency that may be difficult to overcome.
• The speaker suggests that the inherent complexity of love makes it unlikely that we will ever fully understand it scientifically, and that art and literature may be better suited to exploring its nuances.
• Evolutionary psychology (EP) can explain some aspects of love, but it cannot explain everything. It can explain why we are obsessed with someone at the beginning of a relationship, why we are not good at spotting bad people at the start, and why love is blind. However, EP cannot explain the subjective experience of love.

The Impact of Dating Apps

• Online dating apps have not changed the neurochemistry of love or attraction. They have not changed what we look for in a partner. They have changed the way we meet people and have handicapped our brains to a certain extent.
• Dating apps are good for introducing people, but they are not good for assessing attraction. Our brains are evolved to assess attraction through sensory experiences, which we do not get from dating apps.
• Dating apps can make it trickier to find a partner because they make it easier to avoid rejection and intimacy. This is a problem because the effort we put into relationships is what makes them valuable.
• Dating apps are not efficient because relationships are not supposed to be efficient. They take time and effort, which is part of their value.
• In the past, people put more effort into dating because they had to go out and meet people in person. This made rejection more painful, but it also made relationships more valuable.
• Dating apps have made it easier to avoid rejection and intimacy, which has made relationships less valuable.
• Dr. Anna Machin believes that dating apps, while well-intentioned, have not taken into account human behavior and have led to warped outcomes. She cites statistics from Tinder, where 35% of men like every single female they see, leading to extreme mate choice and a skewed dating landscape.

The Reality of Dating Shows

• Dr. Machin acknowledges that dating shows are popular because people are fascinated by other people's lives, especially their love lives, as it affects the potential pool of partners. However, she believes that many dating shows are transactional and heavily based on looks, which are not as important in long-term relationships.
• Dr. Machin, who worked on the dating show "Married at First Sight," emphasizes that these shows are heavily edited and interfered with by producers, meaning that the behavior depicted is not necessarily natural. She highlights the extreme level of supervision on shows like "Love Island," where participants are constantly monitored, which can lead to artificial behavior.
• While acknowledging the potential for dating shows to teach young people about relationships, breakups, and conflict resolution, Dr. Machin stresses the importance of understanding that these shows are not representative of real life and should be viewed with a critical eye.

Parasocial Love

• Parasocial love is a form of love directed towards celebrities, fictional characters, or other figures that we have limited or no real-life interaction with.
• The neuroscience of parasocial love is fascinating, as it demonstrates the brain's ability to form attachment relationships with individuals we barely know or have never met.
• Parasocial love is often seen as a developmental stage for teenagers, allowing them to explore their sexuality and feelings of love in a safe, fantasy-based environment.
• However, parasocial love is not limited to teenagers and is not necessarily a sign of psychopathology in adults.
• Adults can develop parasocial relationships for various reasons, such as finding a fantasy figure fulfilling, seeking an attachment figure, or sharing similar interests with the person they admire.
• The rise of social media has made it easier to maintain parasocial relationships, as we can access more information and feel more connected to these individuals.
• Parasocial love is not a new phenomenon, but it has become more prevalent since the 1950s with the advent of television, which allows us to regularly interact with individuals on screen.
• The brain's response to individuals on screen is similar to its response to real-life individuals, making it easier to develop feelings of attraction and attachment.

Religious Love

• Religious love shares similarities with parasocial love, as it involves forming a deep attachment relationship with a being we cannot physically interact with.
• Neuroscience studies have shown that religious experiences activate the same brain regions associated with love and attachment, suggesting that religious love is a real and powerful emotion.
• The prefrontal cortex, which is active when we interact with other sentient beings, is also highly active during religious experiences, indicating that individuals experience a sense of connection and reciprocity with their deity.

The Power of Attachment Relationships

• Dr. Anna Machin believes that the ability to form strong, secure attachment relationships is a phenomenal human capability.
• She argues that these relationships are crucial for our well-being and development.
• Dr. Machin highlights the positive health benefits associated with having a personal relationship with God, including improved mental and physical health, and increased longevity.
• She suggests that religion taps into our innate psychological predisposition for forming strong relationships, explaining its widespread presence across cultures.
• Dr. Machin emphasizes the fascinating and powerful nature of religious relationships, considering them a significant area of study within the realm of love.

Dr. Machin's Future Projects

• She reveals her upcoming projects, including a book on dads and further research on the darker side of love.
• Dr. Machin invites viewers to follow her work on her website, animations.com, and on Instagram and Twitter (now X).