Why Do Modern Men Feel So Left Behind? - Richard Reeves

How the Conversation Around Men’s Issues Has Changed (0s)

• Barack Obama endorsed a book about boys and men, which was a surprise, especially since the book was released in 2022 and Obama's endorsement came in 2024 (0s).
• The discussion about boys and men has been growing, and the permission space around this conversation has widened over the past 18 months to two years (43s).
• The author of the book had difficulty finding a publisher in 2020 due to the topic being seen as too contrarian, but the conversation has become more acceptable since then (49s).
• Barack Obama's endorsement has helped to broaden the conversation to a wider audience and has taken some of the heat out of the debate (1m45s).
• The temperature around the conversation about boys and men has gone down in recent years, making it easier to discuss the topic (1m54s).
• There is a gravitational pull towards more conservative and reactionary framing of the conversation, which can be challenging to navigate (2m18s).
• The author is keenly aware of the need to advocate for boys and men's mental health, but acknowledges the risk of being accused of being misogynistic or being associated with the red pill manosphere (2m58s).
• The author has had hundreds of psychologists on their show discussing men's mental health, but still faces skepticism and accusations of being a misogynist (3m9s).
• There is a difficulty in discussing issues related to men without being perceived as misogynistic, requiring tempering of talking points to avoid being labeled as such (3m30s).
• This tempering is exhausting and feels arduous, as it is necessary to include women in the conversation about men's issues, but the reverse is not always true (4m24s).
• When discussing asymmetries and imbalances between men and women, there is an additional cost that needs to be paid by having to bring women into the conversation about men's issues (5m28s).
• This can be seen as a zero-sum view of empathy, where discussing men's issues is often framed in the context of women's issues (5m42s).
• Contextualizing men's issues in relation to women's issues can be necessary to be persuasive and to prepare the ground for discussion (6m16s).
• People who advocate for men's issues may face criticism or skepticism, with some suggesting that their views will change over time (6m54s).
• Despite these challenges, it is essential to focus on the issues affecting men and to raise awareness around these topics (7m7s).
• The conversation around men's issues is often positioned in a way that requires acknowledging the struggles of women, but the reverse is not always true (4m32s).
• Men's issues, such as the high rate of male suicide, are often not discussed in the same way as women's issues, with no one feeling the need to acknowledge men's struggles in the same way (4m49s).
• The requirement to include women in the conversation about men's issues can make it feel like the conversation is not truly focused on men's issues (5m30s).
• Frustration among modern men can escalate and lead to the adoption of inflammatory rhetoric, which can be counterproductive in achieving their goals (7m20s).
• The tone and language used by men's advocates can be perceived as angry or aggressive, which can alienate potential allies and undermine their message (8m0s).
• A young feminist woman at a conference had to remind herself that she agreed with a man's argument about men's health issues, despite his angry tone, highlighting the importance of effective communication (7m52s).
• The understandable frustration felt by many people working on men's issues can mount and turn into anger, which can be detrimental to their cause (8m22s).
• It is essential to acknowledge the historical issues faced by women and to recognize that it is not a zero-sum game, where advocating for men's issues means diminishing the importance of women's issues (9m10s).
• The concept of gender equality is relatively new, and it is only recently that it has become empirically sensible to discuss the issues of boys and men in the context of gender equality (9m29s).
• The historical context of women's issues spans millennia, whereas the focus on men's issues is a more recent development, likely only a few decades or years old (9m42s).

Why People Have to Add Caveats So Frequently Today (9m46s)

• The concept of "soft signal of Effectiveness" is discussed, which involves dialing back aggression in arguments to effectively change behavior and beliefs, as gentle and nuanced messages can be more compelling than aggressive ones (10m7s).
• The bar for conversations to be considered "sufficiently soft" can be high, requiring a long period of caveats and disclaimers, which can become exhausting (10m46s).
• The challenge of being perceived as not aggressive enough by some groups, while being seen as too aggressive by others, is highlighted, with the example of being labeled as "lib cooked" despite not being sufficiently aggressive for some on the right side of the manosphere (11m1s).
• The unique challenge of presenting oneself in a way that contradicts expectations, such as discussing mental health and emotions while being perceived as someone who would not typically do so, is discussed (11m31s).
• The issue of being held to a high standard and being criticized for past statements, even if they were made in the context of a conversation or while thinking out loud, is raised, with the example of people going through transcripts to find disagreeable statements (12m23s).
• The importance of allowing people latitude to have conversations and presume goodwill, rather than pushing them to conform to certain expectations, is emphasized, particularly in the context of male-dominated podcast spaces (12m44s).
• The gravitational pull of being pushed to conform to certain expectations and the pressure to be a certain way, particularly for male podcasters, is discussed, with the example of being labeled as a misogynist if one does not conform (12m51s).
• The masculine effect can provide a space and credibility to discuss issues, but having a masculine persona does not necessarily make someone a good role model, as seen with Jordan Peterson (13m11s).
• Melissa Carney's book, "The Two-Parent Privilege," was shredded on Twitter before its publication, despite being written from a liberal and egalitarian perspective, showing how the left can push people to the right (13m41s).
• Carney's experience is an example of the "purity spiral" on the left, where individuals are required to meet high standards of "pureness" to be accepted, leading them to seek acceptance from the right instead (15m23s).
• This dynamic can push people to the right, as seen with Carney and Carol Hooven, who was pushed out of Harvard and used as a political football by Bill Ackman (16m16s).
• The left's rejection of certain ideas and individuals can lead them to seek acceptance from the right, even if their work is not inherently right-wing, as seen with Carney's potential appearances on shows like Tim Pool's or Jordan Peterson's podcast (16m2s).
• The gravitational fields of politics can pull individuals in different directions, and the left's rejection of certain ideas can contribute to this phenomenon (16m25s).
• The pushback that comes from others can affect how one perceives their own work, and being aware of potential negative reactions can lead to thinking negatively about one's own work (16m28s).
• To mitigate this, some individuals may prepare themselves by building up a support system or finding a tribe that endorses their work, which can provide a sense of security and protection from ostracism (17m7s).
• There are two stages to consider when releasing new work: the initial public relations stage, where one gauges the mood and reception of the work, and the second stage, where incentives such as speaking engagements and contracts come into play (17m10s).
• Carol, who works at the American Enterprise Institute, has to navigate this dynamic, as she gets invited to conservative conferences and is reviewed in conservative journals, which can impact her livelihood and social standing (17m32s).
• Humans have an inherent desire to belong and avoid ostracism, which can be a powerful tool for protecting identities and tribes throughout history (17m46s).
• The fear of ostracism can lead individuals to find another tribe or group to belong to, as survival at a primal level requires having a tribe (18m59s).
• First impressions can have a significant impact on how one's work is received, and being thoughtful about who endorses one's work first can be crucial in shaping its reception (19m22s).
• The fear of a negative review from a prominent publication or academic can be a significant concern, as it can impact the work's credibility and reception (19m35s).
• Carol went on Fox and Friends, which led to a significant amount of media attention and discussion (19m55s).
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Allowing for an Accuracy Budget (20m54s)

• A conversation about the tension between positioning, optics, transparency, and honesty highlights the importance of presenting oneself in a genuine yet tactful manner, as exemplified by the example of not sharing past mistakes on a first date (20m54s).
• The concept of a "purity spiral" and "them and us" tribal thinking is discussed, along with Eric Weinstein's idea of an "accuracy budget," which suggests that individuals should be allowed to explore ideas imprecisely in public (21m32s).
• The idea of an accuracy budget is further explained as the freedom to propose ideas without being certain of their truth, with the understanding that it's a tentative exploration of a concept (21m40s).
• A "precision budget" is also introduced, which refers to the ability to communicate ideas effectively, acknowledging that natural errors will occur when expressing thoughts out loud (22m11s).
• The issue of making mistakes in public is discussed, highlighting that any slip-up is often perceived as intentional or malicious, rather than an honest error, and can lead to severe backlash (22m52s).
• The problem of being labeled as having a certain opinion or characteristic, such as being a homophobe or misogynist, is raised, and how this label can be difficult to shake off, especially for public figures (23m1s).
• The concept of an accuracy budget is seen as a way to mitigate this issue, allowing individuals to express themselves freely without fear of being mislabeled or ostracized (23m47s).
• The anxiety that comes with being an expert or authority figure is also discussed, as they are held to a higher standard and may worry about making mistakes or being incorrect (23m59s).
• The importance of presuming goodwill in interactions with others is highlighted, where even if someone gets something wrong, it's assumed they're not doing it deliberately and are open to correction (24m25s).
• The media often uses clips out of context, which can be misleading, and this can make it difficult for people to have open and honest conversations (24m56s).
• The idea of thinking out loud and having public conversations can be challenging to square with traditional peer-review and fact-checking processes (25m15s).
• An example is given of Jordan Peterson discussing climate change on Joe Rogan's podcast, where some of his statements were incorrect, but it's noted that he's not a climate scientist and his views on the topic shouldn't be taken seriously (25m43s).
• The press coverage of Jordan Peterson's comments on climate change is criticized for being overly critical, as it's not his area of expertise (26m38s).
• A comparison is made between a non-expert discussing a complex topic and a child calling out a professional athlete, highlighting the importance of recognizing one's own limitations and expertise (26m58s).
• The concept of "experts only" has become prevalent on the internet, where people are discouraged from exploring and discussing ideas without proper credentials, particularly on the left side of the political spectrum (27m17s).
• This "purity spiral" leads to the immediate dismissal of individuals who express unconventional or uninformed opinions, often due to a single misstep or disagreement (27m45s).
• A common criticism is that someone's entire argument or credibility is discredited based on a minor error or disagreement, rather than engaging with the substance of their ideas (27m52s).
• To combat this, a blanket rule has been implemented on a particular online platform, where comments stating "I couldn't take him seriously anymore" result in an immediate ban for life, as this type of thinking is considered one-dimensional and unproductive (28m27s).
• This approach is based on the idea that people should focus on the weaknesses in an argument, rather than dismissing the entire argument due to a single flaw (29m31s).
• In contrast, intellectual conversations should aim to find the best aspects of an idea and build upon them, rather than attacking the weakest points (29m46s).
• The philosophy of John Stuart Mill is cited as an influence, particularly his idea that in most conversations, the truth is shared between participants, rather than one person being entirely right and the other entirely wrong (29m52s).
• This concept of sharing the truth emphasizes that even if one person has a stronger argument, there may still be valuable insights or grains of truth in the opposing viewpoint (30m12s).
• Even if someone is an expert in a particular field, it's possible for others to bring novel insights that can be valuable, and focusing on the 2% of new information rather than the 98% of existing expertise can be beneficial (30m36s).
• The ability to think out loud and play with ideas can be incredibly powerful, and this kind of liberal society, in the sense of John Stuart Mill, is desirable, but it doesn't mean that all sources of information should be treated equally (30m54s).
• Peer-reviewed journal articles, such as those written by Melissa, should be treated more heavily than non-expert opinions, due to the rigorous training and expertise that academics like Melissa possess (31m15s).
• However, there are areas where non-experts may have valuable insights, and autodidacts who have read widely on a subject can have knowledge that is just as valuable as that of academics, even if it's not obtained through traditional means (32m15s).
• Both forms of knowledge, academic and non-academic, are necessary and useful, and there's a seduction of the "renegade genius" idea on the internet, but formal processes are important for establishing expertise in certain fields (32m23s).
• The example of Eric Weinstein being criticized for sharing his thoughts on whether women want masculine men is given, but it's argued that his life experience, such as being married and having a daughter, may give him valuable insights on the topic (33m21s).
• The internet has enabled people to share their opinions and theories with a large audience, which can be problematic as it allows anyone to share half-baked ideas and reach a wide audience, potentially more than a well-researched journal article (34m3s).
• This has led to the creation of niches where people can share their views without being challenged, causing increasing agitation and a shift towards more inflammatory rhetoric, ultimately pushing people into corners and making them appear abrasive (34m22s).
• The climate change conversation is an example of this phenomenon, where people become so invested in the issue that they engage in extreme actions, such as gluing themselves to roads or throwing paint at paintings (34m47s).
• A similar dynamic is observed in the men's rights movement, where people become increasingly angry and vitriolic, leading to a cycle of dismissal and further anger (35m10s).
• Young people, in particular, tend to see issues in clear and unambiguous terms, which can be both beautiful and limiting, as it often lacks nuance and complexity (35m36s).
• It's essential to acknowledge that people, especially young individuals, may hold narrow views, but it's also crucial to allow for growth, nuance, and the development of more complex perspectives over time (36m19s).

Advice for Handling Inflammatory Topics (36m24s)

• When discussing sensitive topics, it's essential to add a caveat and acknowledge the issues genuinely, rather than making them up or being fake (36m44s).
• Being fact-based is crucial, and starting with empirical data helps to build a strong argument, whether it's about education, mental health, employment, or stagnant earnings (37m11s).
• One approach is to "keep it boring" by focusing on facts and avoiding inflammatory language, as emphasized by the motto of the new Institute (37m33s).
• It's essential to be truthful and solutions-focused, rather than taking a zero-sum approach, where one side has to lose for the other to gain (38m0s).
• Persuading people to come along with a solution requires presenting a positive and inspiring vision, rather than just criticizing the current state of affairs (38m11s).
• Focusing on solutions can help to address deep problems, and being hopeful about finding solutions can be more productive than just lamenting the issues (38m30s).
• Encouraging more men into teaching, promoting technical high schools, and providing more hands-on play opportunities can help to address the challenges faced by boys in school (38m40s).
• Paying coaches more to increase sports participation among boys, especially in schools, is another potential solution (38m58s).
• The "cynical genius illusion" suggests that people often think cynics are smarter, but research shows that cynics tend to have poorer health outcomes, be more lonely, and earn less money (39m19s).
• A study on book reviews found that people tend to perceive reviewers as more intelligent when they write negative reviews, indicating an overweighting of negative intelligence in society (39m47s).
• This phenomenon is linked to the idea that to be seen as clever, one must show a negative kind of intelligence, such as being able to demolish an argument, rather than presenting a positive or constructive idea (40m14s).
• This emphasis on negative intelligence can lead to the admiration of critics who destroy arguments, rather than those who present balanced or reasonable suggestions (40m36s).
• The tendency to favor negative intelligence can result in the dismissal of polite and reasonable suggestions, with those who make them being perceived as naive or uninformed (41m10s).
• The perception of naivity can be particularly patronizing, with those who are seen as naive being viewed as uninformed or inexperienced (41m20s).
• The ability to be patient and present balanced arguments is seen as a valuable trait, particularly in online discussions where negative intelligence is often favored (41m38s).

Why is Advocating for Men So Difficult? (41m50s)

• Advocating for men is unpopular due to a vicious circle where only those with more reactionary views of women feel comfortable doing so, which discourages others from entering the conversation and creates suspicion (41m52s).
• The need to provide caveats when discussing men's issues is decreasing as the conversation becomes more mainstream, and success will be measured by the ability to be more direct without needing to justify the discussion (42m45s).
• Progress in the conversation around men's issues is being made culturally, but it also requires personal bravery to push the conversation forward and challenge existing norms (43m22s).
• The ability to have open conversations about men's issues is improving, with the "ice" becoming thicker, allowing for more discussion without fear of backlash (43m46s).
• The role of institutions and individuals in shaping the conversation around men's issues is important, with a distinction between institutions that platform and those that form, and the need to consider what one's current role requires in terms of behavior and decorum (44m31s).
• The book by Yal Lavin, a friend of the speaker, has had an impact on their thinking, particularly in terms of considering what one's role requires and how to behave in that role (44m11s).
• The speaker's role as the director of a think tank on boys and men requires them to consider what their position demands in terms of behavior and how to navigate the conversation around men's issues (45m3s).
• The conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing and honoring different roles people can play, while being clear about one's own role in a particular conversation at any given time (45m21s).
• The discussion touches on the concept of "criticism capture," where critiques can warp one's messaging, causing them to become the enemy their enemies always said they were, and leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy (47m3s).
• Criticism capture can result in individuals shying away from certain topics or becoming more extreme in their views, and it's essential to be aware of this phenomenon to avoid falling into its trap (47m24s).
• The conversation highlights the challenges of navigating complex discussions, particularly when dealing with sensitive topics, and the importance of being intentional and careful in one's approach (45m33s).
• The discussion also mentions the concept of "audience capture," which is related to criticism capture, and how it can impact one's messaging and behavior (46m51s).
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• The advertisement highlights the importance of monitoring one's health, including testosterone levels, and how it can impact energy, performance, and happiness (46m11s).
• The company, Function, offers a discounted service for listeners of the podcast, with a limited number of spots available each Monday (46m24s).

The American Institute for Boys & Men (48m18s)

• The American Institute for Boys and Men was launched, and since then, it has been learned that it takes the IRS a long time to give 501c3 status, which is a charity and nonprofit legal status for the organization (48m31s).
• The Institute was formed because conversations revealed that the issues faced by boys and men were an institutional problem, not just an intellectual one, requiring research and media attention to draw attention to the issues (49m2s).
• There was a lack of institutions doing research and drawing attention to issues affecting boys and men, resulting in these issues not getting the same attention as those affecting women (49m27s).
• The decision to form a new organization was made to fill this gap and provide a think tank focused on boys and men's issues (49m36s).
• It has been challenging to recruit women to work for the Institute, with only one woman, Alana Williams, currently on the team of six (50m4s).
• The Institute's mission and goals are often misunderstood, with some people assuming it is a conservative organization due to its focus on boys and men (50m42s).
• This misconception requires the Institute to do extra work to "decode" its mission and make it clear that it is not inherently conservative or progressive, but rather a mainstream issue (51m5s).
• The Institute's success will be measured, in part, by its ability to mainstream its mission and make it widely accepted (51m24s).
• Focusing on big issues with clear data, such as education and mental health, has been a successful strategy in mainstreaming issues related to boys and men, as it is hard to ignore the data showing how far behind they are in these areas (51m30s).
• Starting with these issues has helped to make them more mainstream, as it is difficult to claim that they are not significant problems or that there are no big gender gaps in these areas (51m57s).
• The goal is to get more people in mainstream institutions, such as the media, government, policymaking, and philanthropy, to take these issues seriously (52m46s).
• Being strategic and disciplined about the issues focused on and the tone used is crucial in mainstreaming these issues (52m58s).
• The importance of endorsement, either implied or direct, from credible names in the policymaking and scholarly world, has been demonstrated by the launch of an advisory council with notable members such as Scott Galloway, Lisa deore, and Jonathan Haidt (53m34s).
• The advisory council's credibility has helped to reduce the "temperature" of the conversation, making it more reasonable and gentle, and introducing the issues in a correct and gentle manner (54m7s).
• The presence of credible names on the advisory council has also helped to address concerns that the issues being raised are not sufficiently concerned with minorities, the working class, women, or progressive problems (54m33s).
• The conversation is shifting towards more mainstream issues, which may open up different spaces for discussion, and one potential area of focus is the topic of fathers and fatherhood, particularly the way the legal system treats unmarried fathers in different states (55m12s).
• The father's rights movement has merged with the men's rights movement, and there are many men who feel wounded by the way family courts have treated them, making it a sensitive and potentially volatile topic (55m30s).
• The speaker is unsure about their stance on the issue of family courts and needs to do more research, but acknowledges that it's a complex and potentially contentious topic (56m7s).
• The conversation is also about persuasive strategy and being intentional about how to approach sensitive topics, with the goal of having a productive and respectful conversation (56m25s).
• Other potential topics that may be part of the men's and boys' advocacy conversation, but may be too sensitive or contentious to tackle, include circumcision, which is seen as a huge issue in some men's rights spaces and is referred to as male genital mutilation (57m32s).
• The speaker notes that there are cultural differences around the issue of circumcision, and that they have personal experience with these differences, having grown up in the UK (57m46s).
• The speaker is being candid about their approach and strategy, and acknowledges that it's not a secret, with the goal of having a transparent and respectful conversation (56m33s).
• Male victims of domestic violence and the resulting suicides are a significant issue that needs to be addressed, with a growing concern for men under the age of 30, who now have a higher suicide rate than middle-aged men (57m59s).
• The issue of male victims of domestic violence is complex, and there is a need for more empirical research to understand the scope of the problem and its impact (58m52s).
• The speaker is not convinced that there is symmetry in the issue of domestic violence between men and women, and more research is needed to understand the nature of the violence and its effects (58m56s).
• The speaker prefers to frame the issue as an empirical question around male suicide, which is a huge issue, especially among young men, with the suicide rate among men under 30 rising by a third since 2010 (59m35s).
• The suicide rate among young men in the US has risen significantly, with men under 30 now having a higher suicide rate than middle-aged men, which was previously the largest cohort (59m46s).
• Research has shown that the rise in suicide rates among men is no longer driven by middle-aged men, but rather by men in their late teens and 20s, with a third increase in suicide rates among men aged 15-34 since 2010 (1h0m57s).
• The nature of the suicide crisis has changed, shifting from a middle-aged men's issue to a younger men's issue, with the need to understand the roots and causes of this shift (1h1m22s).
• The issue of male suicide is a critical concern, and understanding its causes and roots is essential to addressing the problem and finding solutions (1h1m31s).
• There is a growing concern about young men, particularly those who take their own lives, with one of the leading predictors being issues in their relationships, possibly involving domestic violence (1h1m40s).
• The interest in this topic stems from concerns around suicide rather than an inherent importance of the issue itself (1h1m57s).
• The topic is approached as an empirical question, with a need for further exploration and understanding (1h2m0s).

What is Causing More Men to Commit Suicide? (1h2m9s)

• The male sedation hypothesis suggests that the increase in young male suicide is linked to a retreat from the difficulties and challenges of modern society, with factors such as drugs, pornography, and video games contributing to this trend (1h2m19s).
• The types of drugs men are taking are often used in isolation, leading to a higher risk of overdose and death, as there is no one present to revive them (1h2m47s).
• These substances are described as "drugs of retreat," indicating that men are using them to escape from their problems rather than to socialize or have fun (1h3m1s).
• A key factor in the increased risk of suicide among young men is the feeling of not being needed or valued, which can lead to a sense of hopelessness and despair (1h3m9s).
• The belief that the world would be better off without them is a strong predictor of suicidal behavior, and a sense of clarity that one is needed and valued can serve as a protector against suicide (1h3m22s).
• The state of feeling unneeded can be fatal, and a society that allows people to feel surplus to requirements is morally failing (1h3m56s).
• The suicide rate among men is four times higher than among women across all age groups, and this disparity increases to eight times higher among divorced men compared to divorced women (1h4m24s).
• A plausible explanation for this difference is the sense of disconnection and lack of responsibility that can follow a divorce, leading to feelings of not being needed or valued (1h4m45s).

How Men & Women Experience Neededness Differently (1h6m4s)

• Divorced men often struggle to maintain their social networks, as they tend to let their male friendships drop after getting married and instead absorb their wife's friend groups, leading to a loss of connections when the marriage ends (1h6m4s).
• In the modern world, there has been a significant focus on defining what it means to be a woman, with various roles and opportunities available, including motherhood and career focus, allowing women to feel liberated and independent (1h6m51s).
• Women have traditionally found meaning in their roles as mothers and caregivers, with a strong relational aspect, whereas men have often been seen as secondary caregivers and have struggled to find their place in this dynamic (1h7m49s).
• Men, on the other hand, have not had the same level of conversation around their roles and needs, leading to a sense of uncertainty and confusion about their place in the modern world (1h8m41s).
• Women, particularly in the 15-34 age bracket, may be more psychologically affected by social media, but the impact of toxic femininity is relatively limited, whereas men are struggling to find their place in a world where traditional masculine roles are no longer as prominent (1h9m1s).
• Men's life paths and roles have become less clear-cut, with both the socioeconomic and homemaker approaches being seen as less relevant or necessary, leading to a sense of surplus and confusion among men (1h9m32s).
• The traditional roles of men and women have changed, with women being told they are needed in various areas such as science, STEM, and leadership, in addition to their traditional roles as caregivers, while men's traditional roles as economic providers and protectors have been significantly reduced (1h9m44s).
• This shift has resulted in an expansion of the domains of needed for women and a contraction in the domains of needed for men, contributing to the mental health crisis, particularly among men (1h11m15s).
• The question now is what men are needed for and how to help them feel needed, with a focus on fatherhood and the importance of men's roles in society (1h11m29s).
• The role of men has always been more socially constructed and validated due to their different role in reproduction, making it more susceptible to changes in societal expectations (1h12m0s).
• Men's roles have historically been more varied, with men being expected to be protectors, providers, warriors, diplomats, and more, resulting in greater male variability in the roles they take on (1h12m47s).
• This greater male variability is reflected in the fact that there are more male geniuses, billionaires, and individuals with disabilities, as well as those who are homeless or in jail (1h12m30s).
• The importance of recognizing the value of men's roles in society is emphasized, with a focus on promoting the idea that "dads matter" and "men matter" (1h11m35s).
• The definition of mature masculinity has shifted significantly over time, with physical competence and the ability to be a good fighter no longer being as important as they once were (1h13m13s).
• In modern times, men are often expected to be more brain-based rather than brawn-based, with earnings and intelligence being highly valued (1h13m45s).
• The concept of cognitive self-complexity refers to having multiple sources of meaning and identity, which can provide a sense of balance and stability (1h13m52s).
• Women tend to have a broader range of sources of meaning, including their roles as mothers, friends, daughters, and professionals, whereas men often put more emphasis on their work and economic provision (1h14m16s).
• This can make men more vulnerable to psychological distress if they lose their jobs, as their identity is heavily tied to their work (1h14m59s).
• Men's inability to flex their self-complexity and lean into other roles, such as being a friend or father, can also contribute to their struggles (1h15m6s).
• The concept of identity dysmorphia, coined by Mark Manson, suggests that a person's identity can lag behind changes in their reality by one to two years, leading to difficulties in adjusting to new circumstances (1h15m40s).
• This lag can be particularly challenging for men who experience rapid changes in their social status, such as losing weight or undergoing a significant transformation (1h15m45s).
• The concept of a "glow up" refers to a person's transformation from an unattractive state to a more attractive one, but it may take time for the individual to realize their new status (1h16m11s).
• Some areas of pickup artistry suggest that trying to pick up women in the gym is a good idea because it provides a reliable indicator of where they will end up in the future, as regular gym attendance is a sign of dedication and hard work (1h16m30s).
• Women may be attracted to men who are working hard and have talent, even if they do not currently have status or resources, as these traits can be indicative of future success (1h16m57s).
• In today's world, being in shape is increasingly seen as an indicator of underlying mental traits such as discipline, fortitude, and resilience, rather than just physical appearance (1h17m41s).
• A person's physical shape can be an outward-facing indicator of their mental state, making it unlikely for someone to be in good shape and have a serious addiction at the same time (1h18m5s).
• Surveys have shown that women tend to prioritize a partner's earning potential, with it often ranking in the top three desired traits, while men do not prioritize this trait as highly (1h19m5s).
• Some conservative interpretations of these survey results suggest that women do not truly want equality, but rather still desire a partner with high earning potential (1h19m16s).
• Earning potential is a good proxy for a person's overall competence, discipline, and ability to regulate their emotions, which are attractive qualities in a partner (1h19m35s).
• Women often want a partner who has their life together, is competent, and can take care of responsibilities, whether that's in the labor market or at home taking care of children (1h19m55s).
• Having a partner who is hardworking, trying to improve, and has aspirations is attractive, regardless of their level of success (1h20m47s).
• The skills and discipline required to pursue a passion, such as playing guitar, can translate to other areas of life, including parenting (1h20m52s).
• Being able to get up early, practice, and be dedicated to a craft can demonstrate a person's ability to be responsible and care for others (1h20m57s).
• A person's ability to take care of themselves and their responsibilities can be an attractive quality in a partner (1h21m5s).
• Tonat Ali is a supplement that can help improve testosterone levels naturally, and it is NSF certified, making it suitable for Olympic athletes (1h21m15s).
• Tonat Ali offers a 30-day money-back guarantee and ships internationally, with a 20% discount available sitewide (1h21m49s).

The Huge Increase of Unnatural Male Deaths (1h22m9s)

• Over the last 18 months, there has been a shift in the age demographic of individuals taking their own lives, with more young men being affected (1h22m12s).
• Unnatural deaths, including suicide, drug poisoning, and homicide, have become a significant problem for men, with the biggest growth in deaths from these causes being due to drug poisoning (1h22m56s).
• The increase in deaths from drug poisoning among men since 2001 is equivalent to an additional 400,000 men lost in the US, which is comparable to the number of men lost in World War II (1h23m18s).
• The life expectancy gap between men and women has grown by a year, with men being more likely to die from COVID-19, despite being less likely to be old, which is the demographic most affected by the virus (1h23m45s).
• The increase in drug poisoning deaths is mostly due to men, with opioids, particularly synthetic ones, being the primary cause of these deaths (1h24m39s).
• The quality of drugs has become a significant issue, with many being laced or of unknown quality, leading to accidental overdoses (1h24m45s).
• There may be some overlap between intentional and accidental drug poisoning deaths, with some cases being difficult to determine due to a lack of evidence or notes (1h25m10s).
• The stigma surrounding suicide may lead to some deaths being misclassified as accidental, rather than intentional (1h25m27s).
• There is a sense of uncertainty and disconnection among many men, which can be seen in various forms of retreat, such as substance abuse, excessive gaming, or excessive screen time, as a way to cope with their emotions and feelings of isolation (1h25m56s).
• The "sedation hypothesis" suggests that some men are retreating from society and not engaging in violent behavior, but this theory may not fully explain the situation, as some aggression may be turned inward (1h26m58s).
• Research has shown that young men are experiencing higher rates of sexlessness and social isolation than ever before, which could lead to the "young male syndrome," characterized by aggression and violence, but this is not being seen in the typical ways (1h26m40s).
• A study found that the psychological profiles of mass shooters, suicides, and drug deaths from "deaths of despair" are similar, suggesting that these behaviors may be related to feelings of desperation and hopelessness (1h27m45s).
• Many mass shooters are not trying to survive themselves, but rather, they are seeking a form of "death by cop" or allowing themselves to be killed while taking others with them (1h28m20s).
• Research by Thomas Joiner has shown that homicide-suicide is a significant phenomenon, and in many cases, the perpetrators are not trying to survive (1h28m15s).
• There is a need to distinguish between explanations and excuses when discussing the behaviors of individuals, such as mass shooters, and to recognize that analysis is not justification (1h29m5s).
• The concept of men feeling unneeded and lost is an interesting topic to explore, as it can lead to various negative behaviors such as acting out towards others or oneself, and increased risk-taking due to a sense of having nothing to lose (1h29m40s).
• The prospect of becoming a father can have a significant impact on men, particularly in the context of the criminal justice system, as it can signal to them that someone will need them soon, which can affect their behavior and decision-making (1h30m21s).
• There is a lack of formal studies on the concept of "needed" as a defined psychological trait, and it is an area that requires further research and exploration (1h30m35s).
• A story shared by Arthur Brooks about a former prisoner who became emotional when his boss sent him a message saying "I need you" highlights the significance of feeling needed and valued, and how it can have a profound impact on an individual's emotional state (1h31m5s).
• The story of the former prisoner illustrates the importance of feeling needed and how it can be a powerful motivator, and it raises questions about how to provide men with a sense of purpose and fulfillment (1h32m2s).
• A man had a journey where he felt needed by another human being, which is a powerful feeling (1h32m23s).
• This feeling of being needed by someone is not experienced by everyone, and those who do experience it may take it for granted (1h32m36s).
• It can be difficult for people who generally feel needed to imagine what it's like for those who do not feel needed (1h32m45s).

When Women Don’t Feel Needed (1h32m51s)

• Women seem to have better and more concretized social groups, are more likely to be mothers, and are socioeconomically flourishing more than men, making it interesting to explore how women can fall through the cracks and feel unneeded (1h32m54s).
• A possible scenario where women may feel unneeded is when they are past their childbearing years, have raised their kids, and their husband leaves them for a younger woman, leading to feelings of being unneeded (1h34m8s).
• This feeling of being unneeded may be more common among older women, particularly those who are postmenopausal and whose kids have left home, making them feel like they no longer have a role or purpose (1h34m48s).
• Historically, societies have given women important roles in certain stages of their lives, such as in the early church where postmenopausal women could be deacons and have senior roles (1h35m26s).
• The "grandmother hypothesis" suggests that menopause exists to give older women a role in their families and communities, allowing them to focus on their grandchildren and contribute to their survival and success (1h35m48s).
• Many animals, particularly females, die after they are no longer able to reproduce, as their survival is primarily driven by the need to reproduce, raising questions about the purpose of human survival after reproductive years (1h35m54s).
• In humans, the cost of raising children is high, making it advantageous for individuals who can no longer contribute to reproduction to focus on raising existing children, which may explain the post-reproductive lifespan in humans (1h36m20s).
• Discussions around suicide in the media can be misleading, with some writers failing to provide accurate information about the statistics of teen suicides by gender (1h36m51s).
• A piece written by Andrew Solomon in The New Yorker about the teen suicide crisis was criticized for giving the wrong impression that the crisis is worse for girls than for boys, when in fact the opposite is true (1h37m5s).
• The article presented five case studies of tragic teen suicides, with four of them being girls, and provided statistics that were not broken down by gender, leading to a misleading impression (1h37m35s).
• The statistics show that the rate of teen suicides rose by 62% between 2007 and 2019, but the article failed to provide a clear breakdown of the statistics by gender (1h37m50s).
• The article's presentation of statistics was seen as irresponsible and misleading, as it left readers with the impression that the teen suicide crisis is worse for girls than for boys (1h38m49s).
• A comparison with a New Yorker article from 10 years ago on the same topic showed that the earlier article was more balanced in its presentation of statistics (1h39m34s).
• The shift in presentation of statistics may be due to changes in the attention drawn to the topic of teen suicide and the way it is reported in the media (1h39m42s).
• The mental health issues of teen girls have led to a self-perpetuating cycle of ignorance, where people assume that teen girls are more likely to commit suicide, when in fact, teen boys are four times more likely to do so (1h39m47s).
• The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has reported subjective self-reported measures of sadness and considered suicide, but not the actual deaths from suicide rate, which has led to a misconception about the teen mental health crisis (1h40m17s).
• The share of teen boys who are losing their lives to suicide has increased in absolute numbers much more than teen girls, which is frustrating and has not been adequately addressed (1h40m45s).
• The erasure of the group that needs it the most, in this case, teen boys, is a talking point that needs to be brought up, especially when discussing suicide (1h42m52s).
• Intersectionality has become a catch-all term, but it can be used to understand the intersecting hierarchies of minority groups, such as how black men receive higher sentences than other races and genders (1h42m1s).
• The concept of gamma bias, as described by Dr. John Barry Baris, is relevant to this discussion, as it highlights the tendency to ignore or downplay the issues of certain groups (1h41m34s).
• The way that people approach and discuss these issues is important, and choosing the right moment and issue to argue about can be effective in bringing about change (1h41m17s).
• The consequences of ignoring or downplaying the issues of certain groups, such as teen boys, can be severe and have long-lasting effects on individuals and society as a whole (1h43m9s).
• Approximately 40,000 men die by suicide each year in the United States, a number comparable to the number of women who die from breast cancer annually, and this number is increasing, especially among young men (1h43m25s).
• A woman who lost her son to suicide expressed gratitude for discussing this issue, highlighting the need for more conversation about it, and requested anonymity due to the stigma surrounding suicide (1h43m41s).
• The loss of a life to suicide has significant ripple effects on the family and community, leading to feelings of guilt, blame, and social penalties (1h44m12s).
• Research has shown that people are more likely to choose a partner with cancer over someone who has previously attempted suicide, indicating a strong social stigma against those who attempt suicide (1h44m38s).
• This social stigma can be seen as a response to the perceived threat that suicide poses to the social fabric, with depression often viewed as a warning sign or precursor to suicide (1h45m7s).
• Depression can also serve as a defensive mechanism, causing listlessness that prevents individuals from taking action that may lead to harm (1h45m16s).

Do Women Attempt Suicide More Than Men? (1h45m31s)

• The common statistic that women attempt suicide more than men, but men take their own lives more than women, is true, but the data source and criteria used to measure attempts can be difficult to define and may be open to interpretation (1h45m31s).
• Men are more likely to use firearms in the US when attempting suicide, but the gender gap in suicide rates is similar in the UK, where firearms are not commonly used, suggesting that the choice of method does not fully explain the difference (1h46m27s).
• When men attempt suicide, they tend to select a more decisive method, one that is less likely to fail, whereas women are more likely to use less obviously decisive methods, such as cutting or taking pills (1h46m43s).
• In the US, firearms are the top method used by men in suicide attempts, while in the UK, the method is less clear, but may involve a high level of lethal force (1h47m20s).
• Some research suggests that cutting, a common method used by women, may be a "cry for help" and a way of seeking attention, whereas men may internalize their emotions and not seek help until it is too late (1h47m50s).
• Many men who die by suicide have not been in touch with mental health professionals beforehand, and their deaths often come as a shock to those who know them, whereas women are more likely to have sought help before attempting suicide (1h48m29s).
• The terminology used to describe suicide attempts can be problematic, and self-reported surveys may not always accurately capture the number of attempts, as the classification of an attempt can depend on the doctor's coding (1h48m50s).
• The difficulty in interpreting attempt data for suicides lies in the fact that overdose cases can be coded as either accidental or suicidal, and the number of pills taken can also impact the classification, making it harder to determine the actual number of attempts (1h49m11s).
• Suicide data is likely to be understated due to stigma, and deaths that are clearly defined as suicides are more likely to be accurately classified, resulting in more false negatives than false positives (1h49m24s).
• The hard data on suicide deaths is considered the best measure available for understanding suicidality, as it represents the ultimate expression of suicidal thoughts (1h49m55s).
• Suicidality can manifest in different ways, including considering or thinking about it, and many people may experience these thoughts without acting on them (1h50m4s).
• Personal experiences and anecdotes can provide insight into the prevalence of suicidal thoughts, such as a person who regularly thought about taking a different route while driving home from work during a difficult time, but did not act on those thoughts (1h50m10s).

The Target Audiences of the Harris/Walz Campaign (1h50m39s)

• The current US election has shifted focus from women's issues to men and masculinity, partly due to a gap in voting intentions among young Americans, with young women leaning left and young men moving right (1h51m4s).
• The Republican party has targeted men's spaces and adopted a certain affect, as seen in the introduction of Donald Trump by Dana White in 2024, a departure from Ivanka Trump's introduction in 2016 (1h51m37s).
• The Harris-Walz campaign is focusing on winning women's votes, particularly with reproductive rights on the agenda, but is not emphasizing Harris as the first female president (1h52m5s).
• Tim Walz, a high school teacher, could become the first career public school teacher to hold the office of VP, and his background as a coach and his relationship with his son have been highlighted (1h52m25s).
• A video of Tim Walz's son crying and being comforted by his father has been defended as an example of desirable masculinity, with the argument that sons want their dads to be proud of them, and dads want their sons to be proud of them (1h53m2s).
• The Democrats have not articulated a clear male agenda, missing an opportunity to connect with men and address their concerns (1h53m51s).
• The concept of toxic masculinity and patriarchy is not frequently discussed in relation to a female president, and this may be a strategic decision (1h54m4s).
• Although there are policies that would be beneficial for boys and men, neither party is able to effectively capitalize on this issue without being perceived as anti-women or wanting to turn back the clock on women's rights (1h54m37s).
• The Republicans struggle to articulate the issues of boys and men in a way that resonates, while the Democrats have good policies for men but cannot discuss them without appearing to prioritize men over women (1h54m47s).
• The Harris-Walz campaign's opportunity economy paper features seven images of the candidates interacting with voters, but none of the images include men, which may indicate a mindset issue (1h55m23s).
• This lack of representation may be indicative of a broader issue, as representation matters and political parties should show people that they see them (1h56m30s).
• Kamala Harris's appearance on the female-focused podcast "Call Her Daddy" was criticized, with some questioning why she would appear on a show that may not be representative of her target audience (1h56m42s).
• The primary topic of discussion during Harris's appearance on the podcast was women's bodies and abortion, which may have been preaching to the choir given the show's liberal audience (1h57m15s).
• Trump has appeared on various podcasts, including Andrew Schultz's show, Theo Von's show, and Shawn Ryan's show, which has a predominantly military veteran audience and discusses topics such as the Battle of Fujia, indicating a strategic approach to reaching a specific demographic (1h57m24s).
• The people running these campaigns are not stupid, and it is likely that they choose to appear on these shows to have a warm audience and a forgiving host, providing a good press opportunity and allowing them to claim they have done an unscripted interview (1h57m54s).
• It is possible that they genuinely feel the need to shore up their base by appearing on these shows, or they may think that trying to appeal to a different demographic would have no impact and potentially make them appear silly (1h58m11s).
• The idea of having the two Vice Presidents, JD and Tim, on the show separately was considered, as they have shown interest in discussing the role of men in society and have had a better debate on the topic than the leading figures (1h58m31s).
• JD has discussed the concept of the "beard ceiling," which is a topic of interest in understanding the role of men in society (1h58m51s).

Why the Democratic Party Has Neglected Men (1h59m2s)

• The 2024 US presidential election may be decided by masculinity, with voters who are "up for grabs" being young men who do not feel seen by the Democratic party and are moving away from it, despite being supportive of gender rights (1h59m15s).
• The Democratic National Committee (DNC) website lists 16 demographic groups it serves, covering approximately 76% of the population, but does not explicitly mention men, which may be perceived as discriminatory against the remaining 24% (1h59m40s).
• This perceived exclusion has led some individuals to feel shunned by progressive or establishment groups and drawn to voices that acknowledge their pain, even if those voices are negative (2h0m5s).
• The DNC's failure to acknowledge the problems faced by men has created a vacuum that others can fill, and the center left's inability to address these issues has left ground open for others to exploit (2h1m10s).
• Despite this, there is more policy energy around issues affecting men on the center left than on the center right, as seen in the bipartisan infrastructure bill, which is expected to create millions of jobs in male-dominated occupations (2h1m37s).
• However, when challenged on the fact that two-thirds of the jobs created by the infrastructure bill will go to men, Democrats have apologized for it or run away from the issue, rather than addressing it head-on (2h2m2s).
• A politician struggled to acknowledge that a bill would help working-class men of all races, instead focusing on the challenges of getting more women involved, despite the bill being a significant piece of legislation directly benefiting working-class men (2h2m15s).
• Josh Hawley, who claims to be a champion of the working man, voted against the infrastructure bill, which creates jobs for working-class men, raising questions about his motivations (2h3m6s).
• The politician's reluctance to admit the bill's benefits for working-class men and Hawley's vote against the bill highlight the complexities of addressing class issues in politics (2h3m24s).
• The concept of class is often overlooked in American politics, with a focus on other issues like sexual orientation, gender, and political viewpoint, despite class being a factor that cuts across these issues (2h5m3s).
• The conversation about class is more prevalent in the UK, where terms like "posh" are used to describe someone's social status, but this type of discussion is largely absent in America (2h4m13s).
• The left was traditionally seen as the party of the working class, but now the right is also trying to appeal to working-class voters, highlighting a shift in the political landscape (2h5m25s).
• The absence of class discussions in America is notable, especially when compared to the UK, where class is a more openly discussed topic (2h5m0s).
• The ability to identify someone's social class based on their accent, presentation, and other factors is a common phenomenon in the UK, but not in America (2h4m54s).
• The concept of zero-sum empathy is discussed, where one group's gain must come at the expense of another group, and this mindset is observed in various issues, including gender and immigration (2h8m1s).
• A book titled "What's the Matter with Kansas" is mentioned, which argues that working-class Americans were persuaded to vote against their economic interests by the Republicans through cultural issues, particularly abortion (2h5m43s).
• Research from the General Social Survey, conducted with Alan Downey, shows that young men's support for gender equality has not decreased, and the trend towards gender equality continues among this demographic (2h6m17s).
• It is suggested that young men do not feel welcome on the left and are becoming politically homeless, leading to a sense of disengagement rather than a shift towards a reactionary anti-female agenda (2h6m59s).
• Young men are more likely to say that no particular political issue is important to them, indicating a lack of engagement and a tendency to "check out" rather than lean towards a specific ideology (2h7m43s).
• The idea that men, especially young men, are feeling left behind and are not finding a sense of belonging in either the left or the right is discussed, leading to their votes being "up for grabs" (2h7m29s).
• The notion that for one group to do better, another group must do worse, is seen as a flawed mindset that can be applied to various issues, including gender, where investing in boys and men might mean less focus on women and girls (2h8m13s).
• Some individuals believe that if more attention is given to men's issues, it will take away from the progress made for women and girls, but this is a false assumption as empathy is not a limited resource (2h8m43s).
• This mindset is often referred to as the "zero-sum view of empathy," where any attention given to men is seen as taking away from women or other minority groups (2h10m5s).
• Recognizing the struggles of men does not ignore the struggles of women, and ultimately, women suffer when men become apathetic and resentful due to lack of support (2h10m41s).
• The idea that men should simply "try harder" in school, employment, and health is a double standard, as no other group is told to solve their problems solely through individual effort (2h11m6s).
• In contrast to men, when women face problems, society is often asked to make changes to support them, whereas men are expected to fix their own problems (2h11m35s).
• This double standard is evident in the way society allocates resources to address women's issues, with billions of dollars spent on committees, departments, campaigns, and funds to support women, but not men (2h11m27s).
• The zero-sum view of empathy is a major obstacle in addressing men's issues, as it creates a false narrative that supporting men means taking away from women (2h10m24s).
• The struggles of men, including their declining performance in school and increasing apathy, are often met with criticism and blame rather than empathy and support (2h11m4s).
• The lack of eligible partners for women is partly due to the increasing number of apathetic and resentful men, highlighting the need for a more nuanced approach to addressing men's issues (2h10m48s).
• Many young men feel their difficulties are often dismissed as whining from a patriarchy they do not feel a part of, and just because they are in the majority does not mean they do not need support (2h12m6s).
• Modern men are being made to pay for the sins and advantages that their fathers and grandfathers enjoyed (2h12m17s).
• Men are often told they need to be less masculine or more masculine, but either way, there is a strong agreement that they are the problem (2h12m35s).
• The first-order problem is that the issue is positioned as being about the individual, rather than a broader societal issue (2h13m4s).
• Instead of saying "what's wrong with him," we can say "what's wrong with schools" and focus on fixing the system rather than the individual (2h13m25s).
• One of the big lessons in recent years has been not to try to fix the individual, but rather to fix the system, such as schools and mental health care (2h13m43s).
• Men may find it harder to ask for help with their mental health, but instead of arguing about whether this is nature or nurture, we can focus on how to help men get more help and make mental health messaging more male-friendly (2h14m7s).
• Outreach programs and making mental health care more accessible can help men get the help they need (2h14m25s).
• Research has shown that women may end up being paid less because they don't ask for pay rises, and similarly, men may not seek mental health care because they don't ask for help (2h14m33s).

Is Therapy Effective for Men? (2h15m35s)

• The relationship between men and mental health care is a topic of discussion, with a common perception that men should ask for help and open up about their emotions, but this may not be as simple as it seems (2h15m35s).
• There is a cliche that more women go to therapy on average, and data on the effectiveness of mental health interventions for men is limited (2h16m11s).
• The field of mental health is less male-friendly than female-friendly, with survey instruments used to measure mental health missing some male-centric measures, such as externalizing behavior (2h16m35s).
• The surveys used by the CDC to measure mental health capture information on internalizing behavior but not externalizing behavior, which means they may miss some ways in which boys and men suffer (2h17m5s).
• The mental health field is becoming increasingly dominated by women, which can make it harder for men to feel represented and comfortable seeking help (2h17m30s).
• Many mental health professionals, especially women, report feeling uncomfortable dealing with issues related to male mental health, such as externalizing behavior, violent behavior, and risk of suicide (2h18m6s).
• Issues like sex and porn addiction are particularly difficult for men to discuss with a trained professional, especially a woman, due to societal expectations and stigma (2h18m33s).
• The lack of male representation in the mental health field and the discomfort of some professionals in dealing with male-specific issues can create barriers for men seeking help (2h18m2s).
• There is an intervention called "Men in Mind" designed to train mental health professionals to be more comfortable dealing with male issues, and although it's in its early days, it recognizes the need for the profession to be better equipped to handle men's mental health problems (2h19m11s).
• The "Men in Mind" intervention is currently only able to evaluate how professionals feel after the training, but it does not yet have long-term outcomes (2h19m24s).
• A mental health charity focused on reducing suicide to zero was found to have a predominantly feminine image and vibe, which may not be welcoming to men, despite men making up 80% of suicides (2h20m1s).
• The charity was challenged on this issue and acknowledged not having considered it from that perspective, and is now open to making changes (2h20m25s).
• The field of mental health is increasingly being coded as female and feminine, which may be a reason why men are not interested in seeking help, and there is a need for more male-friendly approaches and more men working in the field (2h20m37s).
• The idea of creating a therapy clinic specifically for men, with a predominantly male staff, is proposed as a potential solution to make men feel more comfortable seeking help (2h21m4s).
• A meme is referenced, joking that men would rather engage in a UFC cage fight than go to therapy, highlighting the stigma around men seeking mental health help (2h21m16s).

Having Positive Male Mentors (2h21m31s)

• There is a societal issue where older men mentoring younger boys who are not their sons is viewed with suspicion, which can be partly attributed to past horror stories, but this has also led to a lack of guidance for young men, especially with higher rates of fatherlessness than ever before (2h21m32s).
• The absence of male role models and mentors has created a vacuum that some public figures like Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate have filled by talking to and guiding young men (2h22m2s).
• The importance of male teachers, particularly those who also coach sports teams, is highlighted as they can serve as mentors and provide a safe space for boys to open up and discuss their issues (2h22m58s).
• Male teachers are more likely to be coaches of sports teams than female teachers, with around 30-40% of male teachers also coaching, which can provide an opportunity for boys to talk to a trusted adult in a non-threatening environment (2h23m5s).
• Coaches can often act as mental health professionals in disguise, providing a space for boys to discuss their issues and emotions while engaging in activities like sports (2h23m53s).
• The shoulder-to-shoulder approach, such as chatting on the bench during a sports game, can create an environment where boys feel more comfortable opening up to a trusted adult (2h24m1s).
• Initiatives like men's sheds and sports teams can provide a space for men and boys to talk and connect with each other, helping to address issues like mental health and loneliness (2h24m19s).
• Engaging in activities like sports can provide an opportunity for men to talk and connect with each other, as seen in the example of playing pickle ball and discussing personal issues while playing (2h24m27s).
• Modern men often feel left behind due to societal expectations and stigmas surrounding certain professions, such as teaching, which is perceived as a female-dominated field (2h24m54s).
• Men in these professions may face stigma from people outside their profession, including other men, but are often well-supported by the women within their profession (2h26m52s).
• This stigma can be self-perpetuating, making it statistically more noticeable when a man chooses to pursue a traditionally female profession (2h25m36s).
• Women, on the other hand, often face problems within traditionally male professions but are celebrated and applauded outside of them (2h27m5s).
• Male teachers, in particular, may face unique challenges, such as being subject to gossip and low-level comments from female colleagues, and may feel the need to take precautions to avoid false accusations, such as ensuring their classroom door has a window (2h25m54s).
• This phenomenon is not limited to teaching, as men in other female-dominated professions may also experience similar challenges and stigmas (2h26m50s).
• The speaker's personal experience with their ex-girlfriend, a teacher, and their son, who became a fifth-grade teacher, highlights the complexities and nuances of these issues (2h25m52s).
• The speaker notes that men may need to find ways to cope with these challenges, such as pretending to be doing something else or finding alternative pursuits, like the "men sheds movement" (2h25m14s).
• The duality of warning men about bad behavior is that the men who really need to hear it won't listen, while the men who would benefit from being more assertive will take it to heart (2h28m22s).
• It's challenging to change the behavior of individuals with dark triad traits, such as narcissists, as they are unlikely to respond to advice or training (2h28m50s).
• In the past, certain behaviors in the workplace were seen as acceptable, but are now recognized as unacceptable, and it's essential to acknowledge and learn from these past mistakes (2h29m20s).
• Women were often advised to avoid certain situations or individuals to protect themselves, rather than addressing the root cause of the problem (2h29m44s).
• The speaker feels ashamed of the cultures and norms that existed in the past and acknowledges the importance of setting clear boundaries and expectations for male-female interactions (2h30m2s).
• While there is a risk that some people will over-interpret or misinterpret advice on male behavior, it's essential to focus on the overall good that movements like #MeToo have achieved (2h30m22s).
• The reaction to movements like #MeToo should be proportionate to the overall good they have done, rather than focusing on exceptions or edge cases (2h30m36s).
• Workplaces have improved significantly in terms of male-female interactions, and it's essential to strike a balance between setting boundaries and allowing people to be natural with each other (2h31m1s).
• The goal is not to sanitize all elements of male behavior but to address the bad behavior and create a more respectful and inclusive environment (2h31m24s).
• A story about Netflix employees responding to a rule about not looking at each other for more than 9 seconds is used to illustrate how people can react to what they perceive as absurd regulations, and how the market can correct itself in such situations (2h31m31s).
• The idea that we are past "Peak woke" is discussed, suggesting that the pendulum may be swinging back against extreme forms of social commentary, and that this could lead to a big change in online discourse (2h32m10s).
• The concept of "messaging fatigue" is introduced, where people may become desensitized to certain messages, such as accusations of racism or misogyny, if they are repeated too often or applied too broadly (2h33m51s).
• The example of David Buschman's work on sexual assault is used to illustrate that a small cohort of men can be responsible for a large number of offenses, and that this nuance is often lost in broader discussions about male behavior (2h33m3s).
• The importance of using language carefully and avoiding blanket accusations is emphasized, as this can lead to people switching off and becoming less receptive to important messages (2h34m33s).
• The danger of catastrophizing certain behaviors or focusing on extreme cases is highlighted, as this can distract from the importance of learning and education (2h34m49s).
• The idea that men who are not part of the problem may become fatigued with being told that they are, and that this can lead to a backlash against important social commentary (2h33m44s).
• The need for nuance and accuracy in discussions about male behavior and social issues is emphasized, in order to avoid alienating people who might otherwise be receptive to important messages (2h34m5s).
• The concept of being a "grown-up" and a "proper person" involves having good manners, regulating one's behavior, and learning how to conduct oneself with others through social learning (2h34m55s).
• This process of learning and growth is different for men and women due to their average proclivities, such as risk-taking and romance and dating (2h35m35s).
• The idea of "mature masculinity" is preferred over "toxic masculinity" as it involves learning, growing, and forming oneself and others over time (2h35m50s).
• The concept of "formation" is important, as it involves forming oneself and others through the choices we make, and as a father, one of the jobs is to help form sons into mature men (2h36m21s).
• This formation process involves teaching and regulating behavior, such as what is okay and not okay, and what is appropriate behavior in different situations (2h36m30s).
• Everyday actions, such as standing up straight and making one's bed, can be important in forming good habits and discipline, as advocated by Jordan Peterson and Admiral McRaven (2h37m0s).
• The idea of making one's bed is not just about the action itself, but about achieving something good, taking care of one's environment, and showing discipline and habit (2h37m33s).
• The concept of formation and growth is not limited to individuals, but also involves the influence of others, such as parents, and the choices we make in forming ourselves and others (2h36m24s).

What Richard Has Learned About Working-Class Men (2h37m58s)

• The US has a class-bound society that pretends it isn't, with significant class divides hidden under the idea of classlessness, and lower social mobility than the UK (2h38m25s).
• The upper middle class in the US is better at protecting their position than their UK counterparts, through means such as rigging the housing and college markets (2h38m55s).
• Stagnant wages and plummeting employment rates for men without a college degree have contributed to "deaths of Despair," including drug poisoning, which is often class-based (2h39m13s).
• Working-class men who are losing out economically and socially may take more risks, such as drug taking, and are more likely to fall through the social safety net (2h39m39s).
• There has been a huge increase in the class gap in marriage and living with children, with only half of men without a college degree in their 30s and 40s living in a household with children, compared to 80% in 1980 (2h40m9s).
• This class gap in family life is culturally significant, as men's 30s and 40s are typically spent raising kids, and feeling needed and connected is often tied to being part of a family unit (2h40m35s).
• The class gap in having kids in one's life has opened up significantly, with most men with college degrees living in households with children, while many working-class men do not (2h41m14s).
• A significant percentage of men under the age of 30 or 35 are still living at home with their parents, with around 34% of men aged 24 living in this arrangement, making it the most common living arrangement for this demographic (2h41m36s).
• This trend is more prevalent among working-class men, who are more likely to have less disposable income and be reliant on their family's home (2h42m3s).
• The college-going gap between men and women is larger for working-class families than for upper-middle-class families, with a 16-point gap in college enrollment between boys and girls from the poorest families (2h42m44s).
• Research by Raj Chetty has shown that the gender gap in college enrollment narrows as parental income increases, but remains significant at the lower end of the income distribution (2h42m56s).
• Geographical mobility rates are now higher among young women than among young men, with women more likely to move to a different city or state (2h43m17s).
• This trend has led to some parts of the country having a skewed sex ratio, with more men left behind as women seek opportunities elsewhere (2h43m35s).
• Historical examples, such as East Germany and 18th-century Portugal, have shown significant effects of skewed sex ratios on society (2h44m6s).
• Historically, there was a law that allowed the first son to marry, while subsequent sons were sent off to explore the new world, which can be seen as a form of male extradition to avoid young male syndrome (2h44m23s).
• In working-class men, there is a significant gap in college attendance, and those without college degrees have seen their earnings remain flat since 1979, even after adjusting for inflation (2h44m52s).
• The earnings gap is still present, with only men at the top of the distribution seeing wage increases relative to men a generation ago (2h45m25s).
• Working-class men who are not in the labor force cite being sick or disabled as the primary reason, with 52% giving this as their reason (2h46m10s).
• In contrast, men with a four-year college degree who are not in the labor force are more likely to cite getting more education, looking after family members, or having retired as their reasons, with being sick or disabled being the fourth most common reason (2h46m23s).
• There is a concern that some men may be "gaming the system" by claiming disability benefits while still engaging in leisure activities, such as playing video games for thousands of hours a year (2h47m10s).
• Modern men feeling left behind is not solely due to a supply-side explanation, where men choose not to work and instead engage in leisure activities, but rather a lack of incentive to participate in the labor market, leading to a higher likelihood of engaging in other activities such as playing video games or substance abuse (2h47m56s).
• Once men opt out of the labor market, they tend to experience more health problems, including mental health issues and substance abuse, which can make it more challenging to return to work (2h48m22s).
• The idea that people can simply "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" is not effective, as it overlooks the need to understand the incentives for men to participate in the labor market and stay engaged (2h48m43s).
• Analyzing the comment section of a popular episode that reached over a million people revealed a high number of comments from men who feel they have checked out of society and do not feel needed or valued, leading to a sense of sadness and concern (2h49m8s).
• Men's participation in the labor market is often linked to their family life and relationships, with those in a relationship and feeling the need to contribute being more likely to be in the labor market, and those doing well in the labor market being more likely to be in a relationship (2h50m46s).
• The Matthew Principle, which states that those who are already successful are more likely to continue to be successful, also applies to men in the labor market, with those doing well being more likely to be in a relationship and have a sense of purpose (2h51m5s).
• The US ranks at the bottom of the OECD countries in terms of investments in apprenticeships and vocational training, which is crucial for helping men retrain and is a male-friendly form of learning (2h51m32s).
• Apprenticeships are often not utilized in the US, and the country does not spend enough money on apprenticeships for young men, who are the primary beneficiaries of such programs (2h52m15s).
• Traditionally male jobs, such as those in heavy industries, mining, and steel works, have declined and are unlikely to return in large numbers due to automation (2h52m41s).
• To address this issue, there is a need to help men transition into growing areas of the economy, such as healthcare, mental healthcare, and education, which are traditionally seen as female-dominated fields (2h52m56s).
• Efforts should be made to encourage men to pursue careers in these fields, which may not require a four-year college degree or a master's degree, and can be entered into as a second career (2h53m23s).
• Making it easier for people to switch into teaching as a profession could help increase the number of men in the field, and addressing the "paper ceiling" issue, where a degree is required for a job when it's not necessary, could also help (2h53m37s).
• The "paper ceiling" disproportionately affects men, who are less likely to have a college degree, and removing this barrier could help more men enter the workforce in fields that don't require a degree (2h54m2s).

Where to Find Richard (2h54m42s)

• Richard can be found at the American Institute for Boys and Men, which has a website at aibm.org, and he also has a Substack called "Of Boys and Men" where he updates his work (2h55m3s).
• The Institute's website is a source of high-quality, authoritative data on various topics, and it prides itself on being a nonpartisan and unbiased source of information (2h55m31s).
• Richard encourages people to visit the website for data and hard evidence on topics discussed, and he invites corrections if any information is found to be incorrect (2h55m36s).
• The Institute's website is intentionally kept simple and "boring" to focus on providing accurate information, rather than trying to make the content "sexy" or attention-grabbing (2h56m0s).
• Richard hopes that the focus on providing accurate and reliable information will become more appealing and valued, suggesting that "boring" could be the new "sexy" (2h56m6s).