A Woman’s Guide To Attracting Women - Blaine Anderson
22 Jul 2024 (2 months ago)
Can Women Give Men Dating Advice?
- Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men, addresses the common trope that women cannot give men dating advice. He argues that this statement is akin to saying women cannot give good advice in general, and that his lack of a Y chromosome does not disqualify him from understanding what women want.
- Anderson acknowledges that the men who make this claim are often resistant to self-improvement and are more likely to blame women for their dating struggles. He believes that these men lack empathy for women and are unlikely to be receptive to his coaching.
- Anderson emphasizes that his coaching is not for everyone, and that he specifically works with men who are open to personal growth and are willing to take responsibility for their dating experiences.
Do Women Want to Make the First Move?
- Bumble's new feature allows women to send pre-written questions to potential dates, aiming to reduce the burden of crafting personalized messages. This change comes after 70% of female users reported feeling overwhelmed by the app's initial requirement for women to initiate conversations. While the app still maintains the "women make the first move" rule, the new feature provides a shortcut for women to start conversations.
- The speaker argues that this change reflects the traditional gender dynamics in dating, where men are expected to initiate and pursue women. He believes that women who write carefully crafted messages are in the minority, and that many women simply send generic greetings, leaving the responsibility of engaging in meaningful conversation to men.
- The speaker emphasizes that women generally prefer to be approached and pursued in real life, rather than online. He cites his own experience and a survey of 13,000 women in the US and UK, which found that 95% of women wished they were approached more often by men in real life. He acknowledges that approaching women can be anxiety-inducing and may lead to rejection, but encourages men to embrace the traditional role of pursuer and approach women more often.
How Common is Male Approach Anxiety?
- Approach anxiety is a common issue for men. Many men struggle with approaching women, and often don't even realize that their lack of approach is hindering their dating life. Keeping an approach journal can help men track how often they actually initiate conversations with women.
- Start small and take the pressure off. Instead of focusing on getting a phone number, aim to simply connect with another human being. Practice approaching people of all ages and genders to build confidence.
- Flirt with the world. Be playful and engaging with people around you, even if you're not looking for a romantic connection. Make eye contact, smile, and say hello. This will help you feel more comfortable interacting with others.
- Keep it simple and focus on non-verbals. Don't overthink your opening line. A simple "Hey, I noticed you from over there and wanted to say hello" is enough. Focus on good posture, eye contact, and a smile. Pre-qualifying by making eye contact and getting a positive response can increase your chances of success.
Opening Lines That Actually Work
- Opening lines should be simple and authentic. Blaine suggests using something the woman is holding, doing, or wearing as a conversation starter. If there's nothing obvious, a simple "Hey, I saw you from over there and thought you were really cute" works well.
- Exiting the conversation gracefully is important. Blaine emphasizes the importance of a smooth exit, as a bad experience can overshadow a good start. He suggests adapting your exit based on the setting, like a bar, and keeping it simple and friendly.
- Authenticity is key. Blaine warns against trying to be someone you're not, as it can lead to problems in the long run. He encourages men to be themselves and focus on building a life they're proud of, which will naturally attract women.
- Marketing yourself is essential. Blaine compares dating to marketing, emphasizing the need to present yourself well and stand out in a crowded field. He suggests focusing on both your "product" (your authentic self) and your "marketing" (how you present yourself).
- The challenge for men is to stand out, while the challenge for women is to discern genuine partners. Blaine highlights the different challenges faced by men and women in the dating world. Men need to make themselves noticeable, while women need to navigate the noise and find genuine partners.
How Can Men Stand Out?
- Online dating requires a strong profile and other attractive characteristics. Even with a great profile, men may struggle to get matches if they lack other desirable qualities.
- Offline dating requires a well-presented appearance and a compelling narrative. Men should prioritize their physical appearance, including fitness, grooming, and style. They should also be able to articulate their passions and goals in a way that is engaging and impressive.
- Men should build their best lives before seeking a partner. Instead of waiting for a girlfriend to enjoy life's experiences, men should actively pursue their passions and build a fulfilling life. This will make them more attractive to women and provide them with engaging conversation topics on dates.
Best Online Dating Platforms
- The best online dating platforms for attracting women are Hinge and Bumble. These apps have a larger user base and higher intent for finding relationships or going on legitimate dates compared to Tinder, which has a higher user base but also more spam and lower intent.
- The best app for you depends on your location. Bumble is popular in Austin, where it is headquartered, while Hinge is more successful in Seattle. In remote areas, Tinder might be the best option due to its larger user base.
- Raya is another option, but it is more focused on looking at profiles than actually going on dates. It is popular among public figures and those with a following, but the user base is smaller and more geographically diverse.
- It is important to try different apps and see what works best for you.
Designing the Perfect Profile
- High-quality photos are essential. The first photo should be clear, showing your face, and looking directly at the camera. Avoid photos from long ago, photos with sunglasses, or photos with women who could be mistaken for an ex. Include a full-body shot and lifestyle photos that showcase your interests and personality.
- Prompts and bios should be lighthearted and fun. Avoid using your profile as a resume or a help wanted ad. Be specific and unique in your descriptions, using details to stand out from other profiles. The goal is to intrigue the reader and make them want to know more about you.
- Avoid flashy photos. Photos of expensive cars, watches, or houses can attract women who are more interested in your material possessions than in you as a person. Focus on showcasing your personality, values, and how you spend your time.
- Invest in professional photos. While some candid photos are fine, having a few professional shots can make a big difference in how your profile is perceived. It shows that you care about your appearance and are putting effort into finding a partner.
- Don't waste your time on women who don't put effort into their profiles. If a woman doesn't take the time to create a good profile, it's likely she's not serious about finding a partner. Don't expect her to be invested in the relationship if she's not invested in her online presence.
How to Text More Effectively
- Texting should be used minimally for logistics, not for getting to know someone. Texting lacks the nuance of tone, facial expressions, and body language, making it easy for messages to be misinterpreted. This can lead to misunderstandings and potentially ruin a potential date.
- Be clear and confident in your communication, but don't overthink it. Use a simple opening line that references something from her profile, and steer the conversation towards a date relatively quickly. Aim for two to three back-and-forths, but no more than ten.
- Don't wait for the "perfect" opportunity to ask for a date. Instead, suggest meeting for a casual drink or coffee to continue the conversation. This is a "vibe check" to see if you connect in person, and it sets the stage for a proper first date later.
Best Practices for First Dates
- First dates should be low-key and casual. Avoid over-investing in a fancy dinner or a long commitment. A casual bar, coffee shop, or even a walk are good options. The goal is to see if you vibe with the person, not to impress them with your spending power.
- Walking dates can be a great option, especially for women who don't want to drink every night. It's a good way to get to know someone without the pressure of a bar setting. However, make sure the walk is planned in a safe and interesting location.
- On a first date, women should do most of the talking. Men should focus on asking questions and pulling the conversational thread, rather than just firing off a list of questions. This helps create an emotional connection and allows the woman to feel heard and understood.
- Men should be authentic and focus on finding common ground. Don't try to force a conversation about something you're not interested in just because she is. It's okay to walk away from a date if you don't find the woman interesting.
- Don't be afraid to flirt and have fun. Even if the date doesn't lead to a second date, you should still enjoy yourself and practice your flirting skills.
- If a man isn't asking questions, gently guide him. You can say something like, "I've been asking a lot about you, what do you want to know about me?" This can help him feel more comfortable and engaged in the conversation.
Biggest Red Flags on Dates
- Communication and Physical Touch: A date should be flirty and playful, not like a business meeting. Physical touch is essential to create familiarity and connection. Guys should aim for six physical touches throughout the date, such as a hug, a kiss on the cheek, hand on the knee, or touching her hand. Lack of physical touch makes the date feel like a meeting, and a lack of physical touch at the end of the date makes a kiss feel awkward.
- Asking for Consent: If a guy is unsure about physical intimacy, he should ask for consent. If he's too uncomfortable to ask, it's too soon to escalate. This applies to kissing and sexual activity.
- Dressing for a Date: Guys should have a go-to first date outfit that makes them look well-groomed and fits well. Avoid wearing something for the first time or trying to impress her with an overly formal outfit. American men often have poor fashion sense, so even a basic well-fitting outfit can stand out. A stylist can be a good investment to help guys develop a wardrobe that makes them look confident and put-together.
Good Places to Approach Women
- The best places to meet women are where you already spend time pursuing your hobbies. This is because you'll have more to talk about with someone who shares your interests. For example, joining a pickleball league or a run club can lead to meeting women organically through shared activities and social events.
- Avoid solo hobbies that don't offer opportunities for interaction. While activities like archery or mountaineering can be great for personal growth, they don't provide many chances to meet people. Instead, choose hobbies that involve social interaction, like CrossFit, dance classes, or cooking classes.
- Gyms can be good places to meet women, but some environments are better than others. Group fitness classes, rock climbing gyms, and CrossFit gyms offer more opportunities for interaction than open gym floors. This is because there are natural starting and stopping points for conversations, and people are more likely to be standing around and talking.
- Consider the sex ratio hypothesis when choosing where to meet women. Places where women are more scarce, like Pilates studios or majan meetups, can be more favorable for men looking to meet women. This is because women have more options and are less likely to settle for just anyone.
- Run clubs are a great place to meet women because they offer a non-weird opportunity to socialize. They provide a built-in reason to stand around and talk before and after workouts, and you're likely to see the same people consistently, making it easier to build rapport.
- Dance classes are another excellent option for meeting women. There are typically more women than men in dance classes, and women are more likely to be open to dancing with a fun, single guy.
- CrossFit gyms can be good for meeting women, but the sex ratio can be skewed towards married men. This is because CrossFit requires a high level of dedication and commitment, which can be a deterrent for single men.
Is Fear of Creepiness Holding Men Back?
- Men are often afraid of being creepy, but they often don't know what constitutes creepy behavior. Research shows that men are concerned about being creepy, but they struggle to define what it means. This fear can limit their interactions with women.
- What men perceive as creepy is often different from what women perceive as creepy. Men often worry about simple actions like making eye contact or approaching a woman, while women are more concerned with excessive staring, unwanted physical contact, and online harassment.
- Men who are overly concerned about being creepy are often not the ones who are actually creepy. The men who are truly worried about being creepy are often the ones who are too nice and don't take enough risks. They are often the ones who are not putting themselves out there enough.
- Men should focus on building trust and connection before asking for a woman's phone number or Instagram. Instead of immediately asking for contact information, men should focus on establishing a connection and showing genuine interest. Asking for a date first and then for contact information is a more confident and respectful approach.
- Social media can be a double-edged sword in dating. While it can be a way to connect with women, it can also be a source of anxiety and pressure. Men should ensure their social media profiles are presentable, but it's not necessary to be overly active or curated. In fact, not having social media can be seen as a positive attribute.
Tips for Being More Charismatic
- Being charismatic doesn't require being a comedian. Instead, focus on being playful and flirty. Teasing, both yourself and your date, can be a fun way to create a lighthearted atmosphere.
- If you want to improve your sense of humor, watch comedy. Pay attention to delivery and tone to understand how comedians make people laugh. Taking a comedy or improv class can also be beneficial, especially if you struggle with word association and finding things to say.
- Improv exercises can help you become more charismatic. The text describes a specific exercise that involves pointing at objects and naming them, then naming the previous object, and finally, giving the objects creative names. This exercise helps with parallel processing, holding multiple thoughts at once, and creativity, all of which are valuable skills in conversation.
Are Men Struggling With Loneliness?
- There is a significant subset of men struggling with loneliness, but it's not all men. The men who are struggling with loneliness are often those who lack a robust social life outside of dating. Many men who seek help with dating are successful professionals with active social lives and hobbies.
- Loneliness should be addressed before seeking a relationship. A woman is unlikely to want to join a man who is isolated and spends most of his time alone. Building a social circle and engaging in activities outside of the home is crucial for attracting a partner.
- Technology has contributed to the loneliness epidemic. People no longer need to rely on community or social interaction to meet their basic needs, leading to a decline in social engagement. This is reflected in the data, which shows that a significant percentage of men see friends less than once a month, are unmotivated or have given up on dating, and prefer video games to sex.
How Can Hopeless Guys Turn it Around?
- Hopeless guys can absolutely turn their lives around, but it requires effort and a willingness to step outside of their comfort zones. Blaine emphasizes that simply watching seminars or reading books won't be enough. Taking action, trying new things, and failing are all part of the process.
- Blaine understands the struggles of feeling isolated and lonely, having experienced it himself. He acknowledges that many people may not believe someone who has achieved success could have ever faced setbacks. He shares his own experiences with bullying and social difficulties, emphasizing that he had to work hard to overcome these challenges.
- Blaine encourages men to take small steps towards improvement. He suggests starting with simple actions like going for a walk, chatting with people, or making someone's day. He believes that even small changes can have a significant impact on one's well-being and outlook.
Do Smart Guys Struggle With Dating?
- Smart guys often struggle with dating because they overthink and prioritize intellectual connections over emotional and sexual connections. They may be good at discussing work, news, or intellectual topics, but they fail to create a romantic vibe. This is because they are too focused on being "correct" and delivering the "right" answer, rather than being playful and spontaneous.
- To improve their dating skills, smart guys need to become aware of this disconnect and start incorporating physical touch, playful teasing, and silly jokes into their interactions. This can help create a more lighthearted and flirtatious atmosphere, which is essential for building romantic chemistry.
- Smart guys should also aim to break out of the typical "intellectual" conversation patterns and embrace the unexpected. This could involve making a silly joke, commenting on something unusual, or even intentionally giving a wrong answer to a question. By being less predictable and more emotionally engaging, they can stand out from other guys and create a more memorable experience for their dates.
Traits That Women Prioritise
- Women prioritize a man's potential and ambition over his current status. While physical appearance matters to some extent, women are more interested in a man's drive and goals. They want to see that he is working towards something meaningful and has a clear trajectory for the future. This is why men in professions like medicine, law, or business are often perceived as more attractive, as their careers suggest a path towards success.
- Women are looking for a man who can provide for them, both emotionally and financially. This doesn't necessarily mean having a high-paying job, but rather demonstrating the ability to be a reliable and supportive partner. Hobbies and activities that show dedication and perseverance, like joining a running club or hosting regular dinners for friends, are attractive because they demonstrate a man's commitment and ability to follow through on his promises.
- Women want to feel desired, have fun, and be with a man who has status. These three elements are crucial for a successful romantic relationship. If a man is high-status and fun but doesn't express his desire for the woman, she may not see him as a romantic partner. Similarly, if a man is flirty and fun but lacks status and ambition, she may not see him as long-term potential. It's important to balance all three elements to create a compelling and attractive persona.
- The way a man talks about his job is more important than the job itself. Even if a man doesn't have a glamorous job, he can still make it sound appealing by framing it in a positive light and emphasizing its importance. Talking about his goals and aspirations, even if they are unrelated to his current job, can make him seem more ambitious and driven. Ultimately, women are looking for a man who is passionate about his life and is actively working towards his goals.
Where to Find Blaine
- Blaine Anderson encourages viewers to connect with him across various social media platforms, including his website, datingbyblaine.com, and his Instagram account.
- He emphasizes his desire to assist individuals in finding and connecting with women they are excited about.
- Blaine also mentions his interest in baking and invites viewers to follow his "Baking by Blaine" content on Instagram.