“Sleep Your Way To Empowerment” Has Failed Women - Bridget Phetasy
03 Aug 2024 (1 month ago)
Bridget’s Controversial Writing
- Bridget Phetasy discusses how her writing often sparks controversy, even when she feels the topics are common and relatable. She cites two examples: a piece about regretting being a "self" and another about how divorce never truly ends.
- She explains that while these topics might seem mundane, they resonate deeply with people, leading to unexpected reactions. She attributes this to the personal and introspective nature of her writing, which she describes as "naval gazing."
- Phetasy emphasizes that her piece on divorce wasn't advocating for staying in abusive relationships. Instead, she argues that divorce has long-lasting consequences, especially for children, and that couples with children should consider the impact on their kids before making a decision. She believes that while a peaceful, albeit loveless, marriage might not be ideal for the parents, it can be better for children in the long run.
Will Gen X Experience Divorce More?
- The speaker discusses the potential for Gen X to experience higher divorce rates due to their firsthand exposure to divorce within their own families.
- While Gen X may have experienced a pushback against divorce, they were also more hesitant to enter into marriage in the first place, potentially due to the high divorce rates among their parents (Boomers).
- The speaker, having experienced divorce herself, emphasizes the significant difference in the experience when children are involved. She highlights the complexities of dividing property, navigating extended family dynamics, and the ongoing impact of divorce on both parents and children.
- The speaker's main point is to encourage people to be realistic about the challenges of divorce, acknowledging that it can be a difficult and long-lasting experience, even for adults.
Unforeseen Consequences of Divorce
- Unforeseen consequences of divorce are often underestimated and can have a significant impact on children and families. While some couples manage a "conscious uncoupling" and remain friends, animosity and conflict are more common, leading to negative experiences for children.
- The impact on children can be particularly severe, affecting their views of marriage and relationships. The introduction of stepparents can increase the risk of abuse, and the constant switching between households can create emotional instability and code-switching for children.
- Divorce can also lead to a complex and fragmented family structure, making it difficult to maintain close relationships with extended family. This can be especially challenging for children who have multiple sets of grandparents and other relatives, creating logistical and emotional difficulties.
The Pushback From Bridget’s Article
- Bridget Phetasy discusses the pushback she received after publishing her article about the "Sleep Your Way To Empowerment" movement. She notes that many people felt their personal experiences with divorce were not reflected in her piece, leading to accusations of projection and a lack of nuance.
- Phetasy highlights the diverse range of reactions she received, including stories of couples who divorced and then reunited, couples who divorced and had children with different partners, and couples who remained married despite facing infidelity or addiction.
- Phetasy addresses the common criticism that women are quick to leave marriages and take half of their partner's assets. She counters this by emphasizing the resilience of women in relationships, noting that they often endure significant hardship before seeking divorce. She also points out the inconsistency of arguing that women are both overly attached and easily fickle.
People Needing to Defend Their Position
- The speaker discusses the increasing number of women who are not becoming mothers, leading to a growing cohort of married non-mothers. This demographic is often uninvested in the complexities of childhood and divorce, potentially leading to biased perspectives on the topic.
- The speaker highlights the tendency for people to project their own beliefs and experiences onto others, particularly online. This can lead to defensive reactions and a need to defend one's worldview, even when presented with opposing viewpoints.
- The speaker shares a personal anecdote about her own journey of questioning her beliefs and recognizing her own ignorance. This experience led to a significant shift in her worldview and a greater openness to different perspectives.
Relying on People Who Sound Certain
- The speaker argues that certainty is often mistaken for truthfulness and insight. They use the example of Peter Zeihan, a geopolitical analyst, who is known for his confident predictions. The speaker suggests that Zeihan's certainty might be a result of overconfidence rather than deep knowledge.
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of acknowledging uncertainty and being open to changing one's mind. They criticize people who hold strong opinions and then change their stance without acknowledging their previous errors. They argue that this behavior is frustrating and unfair to those who were on the receiving end of their previous pronouncements.
- The speaker advocates for public accountability and self-reflection. They believe that it is important to admit when one is wrong and to apologize for past mistakes. They suggest that this practice is beneficial for both personal growth and public discourse.
What Do Normies Actually Know & Think About?
- The speaker struggles to understand what the average person, or "normie," knows and believes. They find it surprising that some common online opinions, like those about Joe Biden's mental state, are considered revolutionary insights by some.
- The speaker uses their stand-up comedy routine as a way to gauge the knowledge of their audience. They tell a joke about the term "geriatric pregnancy" being replaced with "geriatric birthing person" and find that most people in the audience don't understand the reference.
- This experience highlights the speaker's realization that they are too "online" and spend too much time consuming information online. They are surprised that common online knowledge, like the change in language used by the White House, is not widely known by the general public.
How Has the Culture War Changed?
- The speaker discusses the changing landscape of the culture war, noting that the "anti-woke" movement has gained momentum as the "woke" movement has lost some of its initial influence. They believe that the rise of platforms like X (formerly Twitter) and the emergence of "dissident left" institutions have contributed to this shift.
- The speaker observes that the Overton window, which represents the range of acceptable political discourse, has been fluctuating, with certain topics becoming more acceptable at times and then less so at others. They also note the growing polarization of the political landscape, with many people feeling politically homeless and disdaining both sides of the political spectrum.
- The speaker reflects on the changing attitudes towards Trump supporters, noting that it is now more common for people to openly express their support for Trump, even among those who were not previously Republicans. They also discuss the challenges of navigating the political landscape, particularly for those who are not firmly aligned with either party. The speaker believes that the current political climate has created a "costless" position for many people to criticize Biden while still voting for him, as they can simply argue that he is "better than the other guy."
Bridget’s Piece on Sluts
- Bridget Phetasy discusses her article about "sluts," which she had been working on for years. She explains that she was trying to express her own experiences and regrets about her past promiscuity, particularly in the context of the "sleep your way to empowerment" narrative.
- She argues that this narrative can be harmful, leading to women losing themselves, becoming addicted to drugs, and experiencing irreparable damage to their self-esteem. She emphasizes that her article was about her personal experience and not intended to be a universal statement about all women who engage in casual sex.
- Phetasy acknowledges the complexities of her own past, including the role of alcohol and drug use, sexual abuse, and her Catholic upbringing in shaping her behavior. She also discusses the reactions to her article, including the many women and gay men who shared similar experiences and the uncomfortable encounters with men who had casual sex with her in the past. She concludes by mentioning a sex worker who had sex with 50 men on her birthday, highlighting the different perspectives on casual sex and the potential for harm.
The Two Types of Happiness
- Two Types of Happiness: The text discusses two contrasting approaches to happiness, as described by Daniel Gilbert and Daniel Carman. Gilbert emphasizes "hedonic" happiness, prioritizing immediate pleasure and enjoyment, even if it leads to regrets later. Carman, on the other hand, focuses on "reflective" happiness, prioritizing actions that lead to satisfaction and pride in retrospect, even if they might not be enjoyable in the moment.
- Future Self vs. Present Self: The speaker argues that prioritizing the future self's perspective is crucial for making good decisions. She emphasizes that the consequences of our actions linger longer for our future selves than the immediate pleasure they bring to our present selves.
- The Power of Sharing Stories: The speaker highlights the cathartic and empowering nature of sharing personal stories, particularly those involving difficult experiences. She draws a parallel to Alcoholics Anonymous, where sharing stories helps individuals feel less alone and find strength in others' experiences. She believes that sharing stories can help people process trauma and move forward.
Why People Have a Problem With Regrets
- People have a problem with the word "regret" because they live in a "YOLO" culture that emphasizes shamelessness and avoids taking responsibility for past actions. This culture encourages people to believe that everything they do, even if it's harmful, makes them who they are and should not be regretted.
- Bridget Phetasy believes that regret is essential for personal growth and atonement. She regrets the choices she made in her past, particularly those that involved prioritizing the desires of men over her own self-worth and well-being. She acknowledges the damage she inflicted on herself and wishes she had valued herself more.
- The text explores the societal reaction to regret, particularly in the context of women's self-development. The author argues that the emphasis on female empowerment often leads to a culture of psychological fragility and narcissism, where women are taught to believe that they are inherently perfect and any challenges they face are due to external factors. This makes it difficult for women to accept responsibility for their actions and learn from their mistakes.
Do Men & Women Respond to Regret Differently?
- Men and women may experience regret differently. The speaker suggests that men's regrets in recovery often focus on their actions towards women, while women's regrets center around what happened to them. This difference reflects the typical power dynamic in sexual relationships, where men are often the initiators and women are the recipients.
- This difference in regret stems from the inherent power imbalance in sexual relationships. The speaker argues that women, being the ones who are typically penetrated, are inherently in a more submissive position. This dynamic leads to different types of shame and regret for men and women.
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding the unique challenges faced by men and women. They argue that trying to make men and women "the same" is misguided, as their experiences and regrets are often different. The speaker advocates for separate conversations about the challenges faced by each gender, rather than trying to compare or balance them.
The Feminisation of Culture
- The speaker discusses the "feminization of culture" and how it has led to a perceived victimhood mentality among some men. They argue that this mentality is unattractive and that men who are successful in their lives don't typically complain about women having it easier.
- The speaker criticizes the idea that men and women should be equal, arguing that women who seek equality lack ambition. They believe that men and women have different strengths and that there are many things that each gender can do better than the other.
- The speaker challenges the notion that men are inherently less involved in childcare and housework, citing their own observations of modern families and the increasing involvement of fathers in raising their children. They believe that the current generation of men is more hands-on and engaged in parenting than previous generations.
Where to Find Bridget
- Bridget Phetasy encourages viewers to subscribe to her YouTube channel, which is titled "Bridget Fasy."
- She also directs viewers to her Substack, "feettoy.com," where she posts her writing and updates on her upcoming stand-up performances.
- Bridget mentions that she will be opening for Dave Landau and Colin Quinn soon and plans to return to Austin soon.