Dr. Marc Brackett: How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence

Dr. Marc Brackett (0s)

• The episode features Dr. Marc Brackett, a psychology professor at Yale University and director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. (14s)
• The discussion centers around understanding and managing emotions for a better quality of life. (48s)
• The episode provides practical tools and strategies to navigate emotions, including conflict resolution, dealing with bullying, and increasing emotional intelligence. (1m50s)

Sponsors: BetterHelp, Eight Sleep & Eudēmonia (2m2s)

• BetterHelp is an online therapy platform that offers professional therapy with licensed therapists. (2m18s)
• Eight Sleep is a company that makes smart mattress covers with cooling, heating, and sleep tracking capabilities. (3m30s)
• Eudēmonia is a health summit taking place in West Palm Beach, Florida, from November 1st to 3rd, 2024, featuring various speakers on health and wellness. (4m52s)

What is Emotional Intelligence?; Self & Others (6m3s)

• Emotional intelligence involves reasoning with and about emotions and feelings. (6m42s)
• Emotional intelligence can be understood as a set of skills described by the acronym RULER: Recognizing emotions, Understanding emotions, Labeling emotions, Expressing emotions, and Regulating emotions. (6m54s)
• Emotional intelligence involves both self-awareness and awareness of others' emotions, encompassing intrapersonal and interpersonal skills. (9m49s)

Language & Emotion (11m18s)

• Emotional intelligence is a set of discrete skills, including body awareness, that vary from person to person. (12m0s)
• Having a large vocabulary of emotion words allows for more nuanced communication and understanding of emotions. (15m5s)
• Understanding the specific reason for an emotion can help determine the best regulation strategy. (18m37s)

Emojis; Anger vs. Disappointment; Behavior & Emotion (18m52s)

• Emojis are problematic because they oversimplify the complex spectrum of human emotions. (19m41s)
• Anger stems from a perception of injustice, while disappointment arises from unmet expectations, even when those expectations were legitimate. (20m55s)
• It is inaccurate to assume a direct correlation between behavior and emotion, as behavior can be influenced by societal expectations and personal history. (21m13s)

Sponsor: AG1 (24m35s)

• AG1 is a drink mix that contains vitamins, minerals, probiotics, prebiotics, and adaptogens, designed to provide comprehensive nutritional support. (24m38s)
• Consuming AG1 daily is linked to improved physical and mental health, including better sleep, enhanced cognitive and physical performance, and increased energy levels. (25m22s)
• Regular consumption of AG1, particularly in the morning and afternoon/evening, is associated with improved mental clarity and increased mental energy. (25m44s)

Parent/Teacher Support; Online Etiquette (26m5s)

• Adults should help children differentiate between disappointment and anger. (27m52s)
• Online communication, particularly the use of emojis, can be detrimental to emotional well-being, especially for young people. (28m44s)
• Online etiquette seems to encourage less nuanced and less empathetic communication, even among professionals. (31m16s)

Anonymity, Online Comments (31m24s)

• An analysis of online comments responding to a singer's performance error revealed overwhelmingly negative and cruel remarks, highlighting the harshness often found in online interactions. (31m54s)
• While politicians and public figures may be subject to public scrutiny, the anonymity of online platforms can embolden individuals to make hurtful comments they might not otherwise express directly. (32m59s)
• Research on social media interactions revealed that people can be intentionally cruel online, and the lack of nonverbal cues makes it difficult to discern intent, making it challenging to moderate content effectively. (34m12s)

Happiness vs. Contentment; Knowing Oneself (35m46s)

• Happiness is often associated with achieving something, while contentment is a feeling of completeness and satisfaction with the present moment. (36m21s)
• Striving for constant happiness can be counterproductive, leading to disappointment and despair, while focusing on contentment can bring a sense of peace and acceptance. (36m41s)
• Understanding one's own emotional patterns and tendencies, such as being introverted or having a disposition towards anxiety, is crucial for developing self-awareness and finding strategies that promote well-being. (40m13s)

Introversion & Extroversion; Personality & Emotional Intelligence (41m33s)

• Introverts prefer to conserve their energy, preferring smaller groups and less stimulating environments, while extroverts tend to seek out more sensations and larger social gatherings. (43m5s)
• While extroverts may experience more success in some areas due to their willingness to put themselves out there, introverts have valuable ideas and perspectives that should not be overlooked. (46m50s)
• Personality traits and emotional intelligence are distinct concepts; a person's level of emotional volatility does not necessarily correlate with their emotional intelligence. (48m46s)

Sponsor: LMNT (51m28s)

• Electrolytes, specifically sodium, magnesium, and potassium, are essential for optimal brain and body function. (51m39s)
• Even mild dehydration can negatively impact cognitive and physical performance. (51m47s)
• Electrolytes are crucial for the proper function of all cells, especially neurons. (52m0s)

Texting & Relationships (52m40s)

• Text messaging can be a convenient way to communicate but can also feel overwhelming for some. (53m9s)
• Text messaging can limit emotional intelligence as it lacks the nuances of face-to-face communication. (54m47s)
• Increased reliance on text messaging may be negatively impacting relationships and communication skills, particularly among young people. (55m49s)

Tool: Mood Meter, Energy & Pleasantness Scale (1h0m37s)

• The Mood Meter is a tool used to help individuals identify and understand their emotions. It consists of two axes: pleasantness (horizontal) and energy (vertical). (1h0m56s)
• The four quadrants of the Mood Meter represent different emotional states: yellow (high pleasantness, high energy), green (high pleasantness, low energy), blue (low pleasantness, low energy), and red (low pleasantness, high energy). (1h2m9s)
• The Mood Meter can be used to increase self-awareness by helping individuals identify their current emotional state and understand the reasons behind it. It can also help individuals determine whether their emotions require expression, regulation, or support. (1h3m39s)

Emotion Suppression; Permission to Feel, Emotions Mentor (1h6m28s)

• Suppression of emotions generally leads to their intensification, although cultural variations exist. (1h7m43s)
• Permission to feel emotions is crucial, and individuals who provide this permission tend to be non-judgmental, empathetic and compassionate, and practice active listening. (1h13m22s)
• Barriers to giving others permission to feel emotions include lack of time and fear of not being able to handle the emotions of others. (1h16m31s)

Discussing Feelings; Emotional Self-Awareness (1h19m42s)

• People need to have conversations about how they feel without needing an activity, such as discussing a shared interest, as a prerequisite. (1h20m48s)
• Discussing and understanding one's emotions allows for emotional self-awareness, which can be liberating and help individuals determine how to process their feelings. (1h24m50s)
• Recognizing and labeling emotions, such as jealousy, can provide a pathway to emotional regulation and positive change in behavior. (1h24m30s)

Understanding Cause of Emotions, Stress, Envy (1h25m0s)

• There has been a significant increase in the willingness of students to seek therapy for emotional issues, rising from around 20% in the 1990s to over 80% today. (1h25m2s)
• Despite teaching emotional intelligence, there is often resistance from students who prefer to focus on grades rather than developing emotional skills. (1h25m40s)
• Many students report feeling stressed, which is defined as having too many demands and not enough resources. (1h26m40s)
• Through journaling exercises, it was discovered that the underlying emotion behind the reported stress was often envy, not stress. (1h27m11s)
• Envy was identified as a significant emotion among students, driven by social comparisons and a desire for what others have. (1h27m29s)
• Addressing envy requires more than mindfulness; it involves rethinking relationships and personal perceptions. (1h28m36s)
• Envy is a natural human emotion but can lead to negative outcomes if not managed properly. (1h29m32s)
• Emotions like envy and anger are not inherently bad but need to be understood and regulated to avoid negative consequences. (1h31m21s)
• Developing self-awareness and emotional granularity can help differentiate between constructive and destructive forms of emotions like envy. (1h32m21s)
• Building a healthier relationship with emotions, such as anxiety, involves acknowledging them without letting them control one's actions. (1h32m52s)

Framing Empathy, Compassionate Empathy (1h33m40s)

• Some people have a natural empathic attunement to negative emotions, which can make it difficult to be present and helpful to others. (1h34m21s)
• Overzealous empathy, or compassion fatigue, can occur, but emotional intelligence, particularly regulation, is crucial for maintaining a healthy balance. (1h36m50s)
• Compassionate empathy involves not only understanding and relating to someone's experience but also feeling compelled to support them. (1h39m17s)

Asking Question; Tools: Reframing, Hot Air Balloon; Distancing (1h42m28s)

• Asking questions instead of telling people what to do can be a more effective way to support them. (1h42m31s)
• Distancing techniques, such as visualizing a situation as a movie or TV show, can help manage negative emotions and create psychological distance. (1h47m34s)
• Employing strategies like reframing, the hot air balloon analogy, and distancing techniques can be helpful in regulating emotions in various situations. (1h49m32s)

Stereotypes, “Emotional” (1h49m44s)

• From the 1930s to the late 1970s, societal norms seemed to encourage stoicism and discourage emotional expression, particularly in public or with less familiar individuals. (1h49m45s)
• The term "emotional" carries a negative connotation, often implying a lack of control, while "passionate" is viewed more favorably, even when associated with anger. (1h51m0s)
• Labeling someone as "emotional" can be a form of gaslighting, attempting to manipulate their self-perception and potentially leading to low self-esteem and bullying. (1h52m46s)

Emotions, Learning & Decision Making; Intention (1h53m49s)

• Emotions influence attention and engagement in learning environments. If individuals are not feeling curious or engaged, they may experience boredom, leading to disengagement and seeking alternative stimuli. (1h54m34s)
• Individuals may have a default emotional state or "quadrant" they operate from, such as calmness and contentment, high energy and enthusiasm, or low energy and unpleasantness. Effective leaders and educators should be aware of their own emotional state and the impact it has on others, striving to create emotionally engaging experiences. (1h55m16s)
• Different emotional states can be more conducive to specific tasks or activities. For instance, high energy and excitement might be beneficial for brainstorming and idea generation, while a calmer, more focused state might be more suitable for tasks requiring attention to detail or thoughtful analysis. (1h57m23s)

Emotion App & Self-Awareness; Gratitude Practice (2h2m43s)

• The How We Feel app allows users to track their emotions on an energy versus pleasantness scale throughout the day and night. (2h3m3s)
• The app provides insights into emotional patterns, such as how emotions vary depending on location, company, or activity. (2h4m18s)
• Gratitude practices, including recognizing personal blessings and witnessing others' gratitude, are beneficial for well-being and can even enhance achievement. (2h6m20s)

Bullying (2h7m13s)

• Bullying is defined by three key factors: repeated actions with the intent to harm and a power imbalance. (2h9m57s)
• Bullying can lead to feelings of fear, shame, and despair, especially when no support is offered from peers or adults. (2h10m52s)
• Bullying has not decreased in the last 30-40 years and affects about a third of middle and high school students daily. (2h13m37s)

Courage & Bullying; Emotion Education (2h18m6s)

• An anecdote is shared about a presentation where a professor showed an unrelated video of a child being bullied and made an inappropriate comment. (2h18m53s)
• The speaker describes feeling personally affected by the video and using their emotional intelligence skills to cope with the situation. (2h19m31s)
• The speaker advocates for the importance of emotional education, highlighting the benefits of learning about feelings and developing emotional intelligence from a young age. (2h21m49s)

Punishment; Uncle Marvin (2h25m33s)

• Punishment is ineffective unless it is consistently harsh, but no one desires punishment because it is unpleasant and lacks educational value. (2h25m35s)
• A principal extended a student's suspension to avoid dealing with the student for an extended period, highlighting a lack of focus on teaching empathy, self-regulation, or emotional awareness. (2h26m21s)
• A pivotal moment occurred when the speaker encountered a former student of their Uncle Marvin, who shared detailed memories of his sixth-grade social studies class and attributed his teaching career to Uncle Marvin's influence. (2h28m10s)

Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter (2h31m59s)

• Viewers can find links to the guest's book, laboratory, and other resources in the show notes captions. (2h32m11s)
• Listeners can support the podcast for free by subscribing to the YouTube channel and following the podcast on Spotify and Apple. (2h32m16s)
• The speaker encourages listeners to leave a review on Spotify and Apple and to support the sponsors mentioned in the episode. (2h32m26s)