S8 E22: Afghanistan & The Texas Hammer: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

The US Withdrawal from Afghanistan

• The US war in Afghanistan is coming to an end after almost 20 years of fighting, with Afghans thronging to Kabul's airport in desperation (1m37s).
• At least one American transport plane took off with a payload far exceeding the maximum recommended, carrying around 800 people (1m50s).
• Horrific videos showed people clinging to the wheels of planes and falling to their deaths as they took off, which are not being shown (2m20s).
• The US had been trying to negotiate with the Taliban to spare the US Embassy in Kabul, but the embassy was eventually evacuated (2m34s).
• The Secretary of State claimed the embassy was not closed, but rather relocated to the airport, which is a concerning development (2m49s).
• The US has joined a long line of countries that have come to Afghanistan to serve their own interests, only to leave defeated, a pattern that has been repeated throughout history (3m25s).
• Afghanistan has been conquered or attempted to be conquered by various empires and leaders, including Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, the British, and Russia (3m41s).
• The country has a reputation for being difficult to conquer, with a prayer saying "may God deliver us from the venom of the cobra, teeth of the tiger, and the vengeance of the Afghan" (3m49s).

The US Intervention and its Shifting Goals

• The US involvement in Afghanistan was initially driven by the 9/11 attacks and the Taliban's provision of safe haven to Osama bin Laden, but the mission quickly expanded to include nation-building and human rights (4m57s).
• The primary reason for invading Afghanistan was to capture those responsible for the 9/11 attacks and prevent Al-Qaeda from using the country as a base for future attacks (5m3s).
• However, the mission became dressed up in the language of nation-building and human rights, with George W. Bush stating that building a school was equally important as rooting out the Taliban (5m41s).
• The US intervention in Afghanistan was framed as a crusade for human rights, with a focus on the Taliban's atrocities, including the subjugation of women and the destruction of the Buddhas of Bamiyan (5m57s).
• The Bush Administration's framing of the intervention as a crusade for human rights built a near-universal political consensus, with only one member of Congress, Representative Barbara Lee, voting against the authorization of military force (6m22s).
• Representative Carolyn Maloney delivered a speech on the floor of the House about the need to combat Taliban repressions, featuring a striking visual aid, but her approach was criticized for being tone-deaf and distracting from the issue at hand (6m34s).

The Human Cost and Waste of the War

• The US dropped over 71,000 bombs in Afghanistan and Pakistan, resulting in an estimated 71,000 civilian deaths and many more injuries or displacements (7m31s).
• The US program of drone strikes in Afghanistan and Pakistan killed civilians, traumatized an entire generation, and left many villagers living in fear of being bombed (7m40s).
• The US came into Afghanistan with plans to set up a modern, centralized democracy, but instead adopted a policy of paying off and co-opting local warlords and drug traffickers, eroding trust between the Afghan people and the government (8m28s).
• By 2006, the government had self-organized into a kleptocracy, where people in power could plunder the economy without restraint, despite successive administrations giving rosy assessments of progress (8m50s).
• Military commanders, diplomats, and aid workers privately described an unclear mission, a failed strategy, and efforts to sway public opinion, according to over 2,000 pages of documents obtained by The Washington Post (9m52s).
• Retired General Douglas Lute, the Afghan war czar under Presidents Bush and Obama, said in 2015 that the US didn't have the foggiest notion of what they were undertaking in Afghanistan (10m11s).
• The Special Inspector General for Afghanistan Reconstruction (SIGAR) collected interviews and produced honest reports about the situation, noting that the US government's goals were often operationally impractical or conceptually incoherent (10m37s).
• SIGAR's mandate was to promote efficiency and prevent waste, fraud, and abuse, and their reports highlighted wasteful spending, such as the purchase of helicopters and airplanes for the Afghan airwing that would likely end up rusting on the tarmac (11m19s).
• Over 70% of the maintenance for the Afghan airwing was being done by US contractors, and the Afghans lacked the pilots, ground crews, and workers to maintain the aircraft (11m44s).
• Despite this, defense officials maintained last month that the aircraft could still be used after the US left, as Afghans could service them with US support (12m4s).
• The US involvement in Afghanistan was characterized by a lack of effort in ensuring the sustainability of the projects they built, with contractors coaching Afghan technicians over the phone or via Zoom, and the government being heavily dependent on American support, with foreign grants financing around 75% of its public spending (12m11s).

The Taliban Takeover and its Implications

• The Taliban takeover poses a significant threat to the economy, which is poised to collapse, and the gains made by women, who had suffered under the previous Taliban regime, are in jeopardy, with millions of girls having attended school for the first time and women joining the military, police, and holding political office (12m53s).
• Afghan women's activists, such as Mauhiba Saraj, are aware of the danger and have expressed frustration, feeling that they are being used as pawns by world powers, with Saraj stating that the current situation will put Afghanistan 200 years back (13m12s).
• The US and Afghan governments did not secure the gains made over the past 20 years, and the initial impulse that led to them was purely US interests, with the US and various Afghan governments not securing those gains (13m49s).

The Trump-Taliban Deal and its Aftermath

• The US exit from Afghanistan was set in motion in February 2020, with the Trump Administration striking a deal with the Taliban for a total US withdrawal by May 2021, in exchange for the Taliban not letting Afghanistan become a haven for terrorists and starting peace talks with the Afghan government (14m41s).
• The deal excluded the Afghan government, with Mike Pompeo stating that the future of Afghanistan is for Afghans to determine, but this has been criticized as the Taliban were given a significant role in determining the country's future without the Afghan government's involvement (14m56s).
• The Taliban have carried out attacks across Afghanistan, pursuing assassination campaigns of government officials, journalists, and civil society actors, despite largely sticking to their promise not to attack US personnel (15m40s).
• The Taliban has been presenting a more modern image, with senior leaders claiming they want to form an inclusive Islamic government and establishing a civilian casualty prevention and complaints commission, complete with a WhatsApp phone number for Afghans to send in complaints (15m57s).
• Despite this, the Taliban's ties to Al-Qaeda appear to be deepening, and they have acquired brand new guns and grenade launchers left behind by the Afghan forces, which they have been filming themselves opening (16m49s).
• The US has lost track of billions of dollars' worth of weaponry given to Afghanistan, with a significant amount falling into the hands of the Taliban (17m8s).

The Aftermath of the War and the Refugee Crisis

• The 20-year war in Afghanistan has resulted in tens of thousands of Afghans killed, many more traumatized, and a sense of deep betrayal among the Afghan people and US service members (17m43s).
• The US military has sent an email to 9 million veterans offering mental health resources, including a hotline for those having thoughts of suicide (18m6s).
• Afghans who worked with the US, such as activist Fatima, are now in grave danger, with many receiving death threats from the Taliban, and feeling abandoned by the US (18m24s).
• The US bears responsibility for the position of people like Fatima, who are now vulnerable and at risk, and has a clear obligation to take in Afghans who are in danger, not just those who worked with US troops (18m55s).
• A massive humanitarian crisis is unfolding, and the US has a moral obligation to act, despite some conservative commentators trying to downplay the issue (19m18s).
• The US is expected to see many refugees from Afghanistan resettle in the country over the coming months and possibly the next decade, with the number potentially reaching the millions (19m40s).
• The notion that the US should not be responsible for the refugees due to its role in the 20-year war in Afghanistan is being criticized, with the argument that helping them is not charity, but rather doing the bare minimum (20m27s).
• The US's failure to plan for the fate of the Afghans is being attributed to President Biden's indifference to the lives of non-Americans, which is not a new sentiment, as he expressed similar views in a 2010 conversation with diplomat Richard Holbrook (20m56s).
• In the conversation, Biden stated that the US should withdraw troops from Afghanistan regardless of the consequences for women or others, and when asked about American obligations to those in danger, he cited the US withdrawal from Southeast Asia in 1973 as an example of not having to worry about the consequences (21m0s).
• Biden has doubled down on this argument, stating that he bears zero responsibility for the outcome in Afghanistan and that his responsibility is to protect America's national self-interest (21m41s).
• Critics argue that while Biden can make a case for isolationism, he cannot use it to justify dismissing the fates of people in a country where the US has already intervened, and that the US has a duty to help them (22m17s).
• Advocates for refugees recommend securing a perimeter at the Kabul airport to ensure a safe way for people to get there and get inside, and granting categorical humanitarian parole to at-risk Afghans without visas or stuck in the process (22m34s).

Biden's Responsibility and the Future of Afghanistan

• The situation in Afghanistan is a stain on President Biden's legacy, and the question is how big that stain will be, which is up to him (23m25s).
• The US needs to take a hard look at what it has done in Afghanistan, which is likely to be destabilized for decades to come (23m35s).
• The US cannot control or achieve everything it wants to, and assuming it can is what led to the current situation (24m2s).
• The US has spent decades trying to solve the world's problems, often to serve its own interests, and has turned many countries upside down (24m23s).
• The US should stop trying to impose its will on other countries and instead focus on alleviating the humanitarian crisis in Afghanistan (24m30s).
• The US bears some responsibility for the situation in Afghanistan, and it should take steps to help alleviate the humanitarian crisis (24m42s).

Tamron Hall's 50th Birthday and Sesame Street's Legacy

• Tamron Hall is 50 years old and has been celebrating this milestone, while also acknowledging that Sesame Street has been helping kids and families for over 50 years (24m52s).

The Texas Hammer vs. The Alabama Hammer

• Jim Adler, also known as the Texas Hammer, is a personal injury attorney who has spent over $100 million on ads since 2000 and puts a lot of thought into his advertising (26m48s).
• Jim Adler's ads are known for being over-the-top and feature him carrying a hammer and talking about being tough and bringing down greedy insurance companies (26m10s).
• Jim Adler, also known as the Texas Hammer, is a lawyer who has a distinct persona and advertising style, which he claims is being copied by another lawyer, Mike Slokum, also known as the Alabama Hammer (27m10s).
• Adler has sued Slokum, alleging that he has adopted his famous persona in a bid to confuse and deceive consumers, and that Slokum's commercials are similar to his own (27m46s).
• Slokum denies Adler's claims, including that he copied Adler's ad, but the similarities between their commercials are noticeable (28m24s).
• Slokum's non-Hammer themed ads are a mess and lack a clear gimmick, which is why he may have felt the need to copy Adler's persona (28m34s).
• Slokum's ads feature him in various scenarios, including as a big buck hunter and running after an ambulance, but they are not as clear or thematically resonant as Adler's ads (28m41s).
• It is suggested that Slokum should get a different tool-themed nickname to avoid conflict with Adler, and a suggestion is made that he become "Mike the Alabama Banana Slicer" (29m51s).
• The idea of Slokum becoming the Alabama Banana Slicer is seen as a way to resolve the conflict between the two lawyers and allow them to move on in peace (29m57s).

A Mock Farewell and a Musical Tribute

• The conversation appears to be a mock farewell, with one person suggesting it's their last night together and the other responding that they didn't plan anything special, unlike Conan who had a song performed by Jack Black (30m56s).
• The person being addressed is compared to Conan, implying they should have prepared something for the occasion, but they're choosing to do it their own way (31m4s).
• The conversation ends with a casual goodbye, and the person being addressed thanks the other for everything and says they'll see them around (31m20s).
• The scene then shifts to a musical performance, with a rendition of "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" from Les Misérables, but with altered lyrics referencing the person's friends being dead and gone (31m42s).
• The performance is interrupted by a joke about Queen Elizabeth having Princess Diana murdered, which is immediately dismissed (32m19s).