158. Hope for Cynics: Building Trusting Relationships through Communication | Think Fast Talk...
03 Sep 2024 (15 days ago)
Introduction
- Cynicism, doubt, and a lack of trust are prevalent in the world today.
- Hopeful skepticism, characterized by loud trust, is presented as a potential solution.
- Jamil Zaki, a professor of psychology at Stanford and the director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab, is the guest on the Think Fast Talk Smart podcast.
Defining Trust and Its Importance
- Trust is defined as one person's willingness to be vulnerable with the expectation that the other person will act in their best interest.
- Examples of trust include loaning someone money, confiding in a new acquaintance about a personal struggle, and allowing a babysitter to watch your children.
- Trust is foundational to forming relationships, including friendships, close friendships, and business partnerships.
Building Better Trust
- Trust is a social risk; if someone breaks your trust, you lose, but if they honor it, you both win.
- People may be too risk-averse in trusting relationships because they remember betrayals more vividly than missed opportunities.
- "Trusting loudly" by communicating your trust in someone can strengthen relationships and encourage trustworthiness.
Understanding Cynicism
- Cynicism is a theory about the world that assumes most people are inherently selfish, greedy, and dishonest.
- Cynics miss out on the benefits of trust because they believe that trusting others is a risky gamble that often leads to betrayal.
- As a result of their distrust, cynics often limit their own lives, forming fewer friendships and partnerships, and missing out on the richness of social connection.
The Cynicism Spectrum
- Cynicism is a spectrum, not a binary, and people can be measured on their level of cynicism.
- People's levels of cynicism can vary from person to person, and even within the same person depending on the situation.
- The opposite of cynicism is not naivety, but rather skepticism, which involves looking for evidence to support claims about people's trustworthiness rather than having pre-determined assumptions.
Fostering Hopeful Skepticism
- In recent decades, cynicism has increased, with a decline in the number of Americans who believe people can be trusted.
- Humans possess a negativity bias, meaning they are naturally inclined to focus on threats rather than positive aspects.
- To combat cynicism, individuals should acknowledge their negativity bias, recognize that people are generally more trustworthy than perceived, and challenge their own cynical thoughts by examining the reasons behind them.
Challenges of Overcoming Cynicism
- People tend to seek out experiences that confirm their existing beliefs, which can make it challenging to overcome cynicism.
- It is suggested to treat life as an experiment by making choices that challenge cynical assumptions, such as trusting someone you might normally pull away from or seeking out different news sources.
- Surrounding yourself with people who have different perspectives and engaging in "positive gossip" by sharing stories of kindness and compassion can help combat cynicism both in yourself and others.
Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
- Self-fulfilling prophecies are demonstrated by how people tend to behave in accordance with how they are treated.
- An example of a negative self-fulfilling prophecy is when a cynical person treats others poorly due to their expectation that others are selfish, resulting in those people becoming more selfish.
- An example of a positive self-fulfilling prophecy is treating others as trustworthy and kind, which often brings out those qualities in them.
The Final Three Questions
- Self-fulfilling prophecy can be used positively to improve communication by focusing on engaged individuals and the value of the interaction.
- Thought is not limited to internal processes but can also manifest through writing and conversations, shaping ideas and expressions.
- Successful communication, particularly in disagreements, involves finding common ground, sharing personal stories instead of opinions, and approaching the conversation with humility and a willingness to learn.
Conclusion
- The speaker thanks Matt for his time and contribution to the podcast.
- Listeners can find more information about social reality in episode 84 with Brian Lowry and about connection and relationships in episode 128 with David Brooks.
- The episode was produced by Jenny Luna, Ryan Campos, and Matt Abrahams, with music from Floyd Wonder.