Huge New Study Reveals What People Really Want In A Partner - Dr Paul Eastwick

Stated vs. Revealed Preferences

• People generally agree that traits like attractiveness, intelligence, consideration, and honesty are desirable in a romantic partner. They also agree that traits like disorganization, carelessness, anxiety, and being easily upset are undesirable in a partner. (40s)
• There is a distinction between stated preferences and revealed preferences. Stated preferences refer to what people say they want in a partner, while revealed preferences refer to what attributes actually predict liking in potential partners. (4m36s)

Measuring Revealed Preferences

• Revealed preferences can be measured in various ways, such as through speed dating scenarios where participants rate their liking for individuals with varying levels of a particular attribute. (5m32s)
• A study was conducted with 10,000 participants from 43 countries, some of whom were single and some in relationships. Participants were asked to report on a person they were interested in dating but not currently dating. (7m7s)

Importance of "Good Lover"

• Participants rated their potential partners on 35 different attributes, including their attractiveness, intelligence, and how good of a lover they were. (7m30s)
• The study found that while participants ranked "good lover" as 12th in their stated preferences, it was the strongest predictor of how positively they felt about a potential partner. (8m30s)
• People strongly prioritize a "good lover" in partners based on revealed preferences, even though it ranks lower in stated preferences. (14m37s)

Other Revealed Preferences

• The attribute "smells good" is ranked as more important in revealed preferences compared to stated preferences. (14m54s)
• People underestimate the importance of physical attributes related to intimacy, such as being a good lover and smelling good. (22m36s)

Gender Differences in Preferences

• While both men and women underestimate the importance of attractiveness, women underestimate it to a greater degree. (17m32s)
• Women overestimate and men underestimate the importance of certain attributes in a partner, such as having a good job. (19m10s)

Long-Term Relationship Preferences

• While initial attraction is important, traits like loyalty, honesty, and understanding are also highly valued in long-term partners. (24m49s)
• As people get to know each other over time, consensus on attributes like attractiveness tends to decrease, leading to more divergent opinions. (24m51s)

Alternative Avenues for Connection

• For those who are not conventionally attractive, there are other avenues to form connections, particularly through repeated interactions where people get to know each other better. (25m13s)

Desirable Partner Traits

• People desire excitement and inspiration from their partners, wanting them to help in becoming closer to their ideal selves. (25m42s)
• Trustworthiness is important but must be balanced with excitement; people want partners who are reliable but not overly predictable. (26m37s)
• Close relationships are inherently risky because they involve vulnerability and the potential for exploitation, which is why loyalty is highly valued. (27m10s)

Partner Influence

• Partners tend to absorb each other's traits, which can include both positive and negative attributes, such as anxiety or even body odor. (28m11s)

Relationship Dynamics

• Initiating new relationships can be exciting due to the self-expansion experience, where partners introduce each other to new activities and perspectives. (29m5s)
• Preferences for traits like being a good lover or smelling good may reflect a desire to avoid the absence of those traits, though it is difficult to distinguish these effects in data. (29m42s)

Predicting Preferences

• People are better at predicting what others want, rather than what they say they want. (36m45s)
• There is a difference between stated preferences and revealed preferences, with researchers often more interested in revealed preferences. (37m17s)

Online Dating and Revealed Preferences

• Online dating services could potentially utilize revealed preferences and self-reported data to improve matchmaking accuracy, but more research is needed to determine if this is possible. (41m48s)

Positive Perception in Happy Relationships

• People in happy relationships tend to view their partner's traits positively, even if those traits have negative aspects. (44m11s)

Limitations of Online Dating Algorithms

• Online dating algorithms are good at predicting initial attraction (swiping right) but not long-term compatibility. (45m21s)

Importance of Social Connections

• While improving one's attributes (e.g., physical fitness) is beneficial, building social connections and networks is crucial for creating meaningful relationship opportunities. (47m50s)

Unpredictability of Love

• Humans are not good at predicting the exponential growth and changes that occur within social networks. (48m23s)
• The feeling of falling in love is unpredictable and cannot be measured or described scientifically. (49m12s)

Challenges in Finding Partners

• While some people struggle to find a partner, others may excel at initial attraction but possess undesirable personality traits that make maintaining a relationship difficult. (53m1s)

Anxiety and Trust

• People's anxiety levels can be reduced when they are around people they trust and feel safe with. (54m16s)

Gender and Partner Preferences

• The speaker believes that both men and women are attracted to partners with resources and status, regardless of gender. (56m55s)

Self-Objectification and Income Inequality

• Candice Blake's research suggests that women are more likely to self-objectify in areas with high-income inequality. (57m31s)

Influencing Preferences

• It is difficult to intentionally and permanently influence people's preferences about what they desire in a partner, even with conditioning techniques. (59m29s)

Positive Feelings and Memory

• Positive feelings about partners can stem from a general sense retrieved from memory or from specific significant moments, both positive and negative, that are particularly memorable. (1h1m52s)

Polyamorous Relationships

• Research on polyamorous relationships, which examines individuals' experiences across multiple partners, offers valuable insights into relationship dynamics and preferences. (1h4m43s)

Paul Eastwick's Book and Social Media

• Paul Eastwick will release a book in approximately 18 months. (1h5m44s)
• People can follow Paul Eastwick on Twitter at Paul Eastwick. (1h5m40s)
• A selection of clips from the podcast is available to watch. (1h6m0s)