O que você deixou de ser quando cresceu? | Manoela Nagib | TEDxNiteroi

Early Aspirations and Societal Influence

• The speaker recalls wanting to be a "discoverer" as a child, inspired by her love for exploring and investigating.
• She would dismantle dolls to understand their inner workings, demonstrating her curiosity and desire to learn.
• Adults around her suggested that her true aspiration was to be a scientist or a doctor, redirecting her initial ambition.
• The speaker later expressed a desire to be a spy, fascinated by mystery and espionage, but was again guided towards a different career path, this time towards law.
• As a pre-teen, she dreamt of becoming a traveler, particularly drawn to ancient civilizations and the world beyond her immediate surroundings.
• Adults once again steered her towards a different profession, suggesting she wanted to be a journalist, reporter, or TV presenter.
• The speaker reflects on the societal pressure to categorize and define aspirations, limiting the possibilities for children who dream beyond traditional professions.
• She highlights the narrow definition of happiness she was exposed to, emphasizing the importance of family, money, and traditional gender roles.
• The speaker acknowledges the influence of the phrase "listen to your elders" and the pressure to conform to societal expectations.

The Pressure to Conform

• The speaker describes feeling pressured to conform to societal expectations during her adolescence, including focusing on physical appearance to find a partner and achieving financial success.
• She felt frustrated during her college years, struggling to find a career path that aligned with her diverse interests.
• After graduating, she pursued a career in technology, starting as a telemarketer and eventually becoming a manager.
• Despite her professional success, she felt unfulfilled and questioned the purpose of her work.
• She realized that she was pursuing a path dictated by societal expectations rather than her own passions and desires.

The Transformative Journey

• The speaker longed to explore her interests in discovery, espionage, and travel.
• She took a solo trip to Southeast Asia at the age of 23, seeking self-discovery and a connection with her true self.
• The speaker describes a trip to Thailand that was transformative for them.
• They initially arrived as a tourist, but left as a traveler, feeling a sense of liberation from external expectations.
• The speaker emphasizes the importance of breaking free from societal projections and expectations to discover one's true identity.
• They found themselves connecting with other travelers who lived life with more spontaneity and less rigidity, challenging their own pre-conceived notions of happiness.
• This experience inspired the speaker to pursue their own dreams and create their own path to happiness, rather than following pre-determined formulas.

Facing Fears and Uncertainty

• The speaker describes feeling trapped in a formulaic life that she felt obligated to follow, despite knowing it wasn't fulfilling.
• She was afraid of being too old to change her life at 26, fearing she wouldn't be validated or admired.
• She was also afraid of disappointing her father and losing her financial independence.
• The speaker was eventually fired from her job, which she describes as a positive turning point.
• The firing gave her the courage to pursue her dream of traveling the world on a tight budget.
• Despite her initial excitement, the speaker still felt a lot of fear and uncertainty during her travels.
• She felt lost and alone without a clear plan or direction.
• The speaker realized that she had to confront her fears and uncertainties head-on, or she would have to abandon her journey.

The Metaphor of the Bird

• The speaker describes a personal experience in Greece where they witnessed a bird being released from a cage.
• The bird was initially happy to be free but was quickly attacked by a cat.
• The speaker uses this experience as a metaphor for their own life, comparing the bird to themselves and the cage to societal expectations.
• The speaker argues that society often encourages people to stay within their comfort zones, promising security and happiness.
• However, the speaker believes that true happiness comes from embracing uncertainty and living authentically, even if it means facing challenges.
• The speaker emphasizes that the fear of failure and the desire for security can prevent people from pursuing their true potential.
• The speaker concludes that the system that promotes this kind of thinking is effective because it keeps people trapped in a cycle of fear and self-doubt.

Breaking Free from Societal Programming

• The speaker discusses how fear can lead people to live within a prison, even when they know there is a world outside.
• The speaker shares that they have learned that their fears were attempts to control and keep them obedient.
• The speaker mentions that they were told not to talk to strangers, but during their travels, strangers were the ones who helped them the most.
• The speaker was told they would be happy if they owned a house, but they now realize that they don't need four walls to feel at home.
• The speaker was told they were lost for traveling the world, but they now see that they were being repressed and that traveling has brought them closer to their true self.
• The speaker was told that traveling alone would make them lonely, but they now find that spending time with themselves brings them closer to themselves and builds their confidence.
• The speaker believes that knowing one's worth is a weapon against systems that try to oppress people.
• The speaker acknowledges that they still have fears but that they no longer have the power to hold them back.
• The speaker believes that life happens when people take risks and live authentically.

Finding Your Own Formula for Happiness

• The speaker discusses the importance of finding one's own formula for happiness and not being bound by rigid formulas.
• The speaker believes that decisions don't have to be permanent and that life can be viewed in seasons.
• The speaker believes that the fear of making irreversible decisions can lead people to give in to fear.
• The speaker believes that happiness is not a final destination but rather a state of peace and serenity.
• They propose a "triangle of harmony" where happiness is achieved when there is alignment between one's feelings, words, and actions.
• The speaker emphasizes that priorities change throughout life and it is acceptable to adjust them as long as the decisions are conscious and consistent with one's values.
• They argue that there is no universal formula for happiness but there is a recipe for unhappiness, which is cowardice.

The Power of Female Courage

• The speaker believes that courage is essential for achieving happiness and that women are often raised to prioritize perfection and conformity rather than courage.
• They advocate for collective female courage, where women support and inspire each other to break free from societal expectations and occupy new spaces.
• The speaker uses the example of climbing Mount Annapurna in Nepal to illustrate how seeing other women descend the mountain gave her the courage to continue her ascent.
• They believe that female courage is not only a message of new possibilities but also a source of comfort and security for other women.

Shedding Unnecessary Burdens

• The speaker concludes by sharing a personal anecdote about reducing the size of their backpack, which symbolizes a shift from carrying the weight of societal expectations to embracing a lighter, more authentic self.
• The speaker discusses the process of shedding unnecessary burdens and expectations that were placed upon them over time.
• They draw a parallel to Michelangelo's sculpture of David, which was created by removing excess material from a single block of marble.
• The speaker encourages the audience to reflect on what they have abandoned as they have grown, asking them to consider what aspects of themselves they have lost or suppressed.
• The speaker suggests that it is always a good time to revisit the question of "What do you want to be when you grow up?" but also invites the audience to consider a different question: "What did you stop being when you grew up?"