Dr. Martha Beck (Oprah's Life Coach): This Weird Trick Reduces Anxiety & Fixed My Childhood Trauma!

Intro (0s)

• When a person lies, their body becomes weak, as demonstrated by an exercise where a person's arm becomes weaker when saying a false statement, such as "I love to vomit," compared to a true statement, such as "I love fresh air" (9s).
• Martha Beck, PhD, is a Harvard-trained sociologist and world-renowned life coach who has worked with notable clients, including Oprah Winfrey, and has developed neurological-based techniques to help individuals cope with anxiety (27s).
• Humans are biologically pre-programmed to be anxious due to socialization and trauma, which can lead to negative self-talk and horror stories that create a sense of danger, resulting in an anxiety spiral (42s).
• Anxiety can have severe consequences, such as depression, autoimmune diseases, and suicidal thoughts, as experienced by Martha Beck herself, who suffered from childhood trauma and abuse starting at the age of 5 (1m4s).
• Despite the severity of anxiety, it is possible to "trick" the brain and shut down anxiety, and Martha Beck will share one of her favorite techniques to achieve this (1m20s).
• The host asks for support from listeners by subscribing to the show, promising to improve the show's content and guest selection based on listener feedback in return (1m35s).

What Are You Aiming to Do With All Your Work? (2m1s)

• The main goal of the work is to help with a shift that would happen in the world during the lifetime, which was felt since childhood, and this feeling of being meant to help with this shift has been the driving force behind the work (2m45s).
• This feeling of being meant to help with a shift was present since the age of four, and it was accompanied by a sense of dread and anxiety about not having done enough (2m40s).
• The only answer to what this shift was came from a poem by TS Elliot, which emphasized the importance of waiting without love, hope, or thought, and having faith that the darkness would be the light and the stillness would be the dancing (3m26s).
• As time passed, the understanding of the shift evolved, and it was realized that it was a fundamental shift in the way human beings perceive and think, which is why it couldn't be explained or understood through the current way of thinking (4m1s).
• The shift is believed to be a change in human consciousness that would alter the way humans relate to the planet, to each other, and to themselves (4m42s).
• This idea was a deep secret for decades but is now being shared openly, and the goal is to keep working towards this shift until the end of life, regardless of whether it is achievable or not (4m52s).

What Is the Shift You're Predicting? (4m57s)

• A predicted shift in consciousness is expected, described as Awakening out of the dream of thought, a concept not well known in modern Western culture but prevalent in East Asian and Buddhist traditions (4m58s).
• This Awakening is a fundamental perception shift, allowing individuals to leave behind aspects of thinking that cause internal suffering, and is believed to be an epigenetic shift inherent in every individual's brain (6m2s).
• Throughout history, individuals such as Nelson Mandela have gone through this experience, describing it with consistent terminology, including the realization that their previous life was like a dream and the awakened state is more real (6m13s).
• The awakened state is characterized by the absence of fear and suffering, and the presence of infinite compassion, a desire to serve, love for all beings, and a fundamental peace and Bliss, known as "sa tananda" in Sanskrit (6m44s).
• It is believed that if a critical number of people experience this state at the same time, it could potentially solve the problems humans have been causing for thousands of years (7m13s).
• Persuading others of the possibility of this state of being is challenging, but certain techniques and coaching methods can be used to help individuals experience it (7m29s).

Who Are You in Terms of Your Qualifications? (7m43s)

• The individual has experienced intense psychological and physical suffering for decades, including being bedridden for 10 years with autoimmune diseases, depression, and anxiety from a young age (7m48s).
• A near-death experience during surgery led to a radical shift, resulting in a change in behavior, including a commitment to telling the truth and no longer lying in any aspect of speech or behavior (8m23s).
• Following the near-death experience, the individual walked away from their family religion, lost their family of origin, community, and friends, and left their marriage after realizing they were gay (8m53s).
• The individual also left academia and their home, essentially starting over, but does not recommend this path to others, suggesting there are easier ways to achieve transformation (9m17s).
• Through studying with their mind, experiencing life with their body and heart, the individual feels they know what awakening is, which brings a sense of safety and joy in the world (9m43s).
• The individual believes that the capacity for awakening is within everyone and offers to help others find it, but does not feel the need to create it (10m0s).

Who Have You Worked With? (10m9s)

• Various types of individuals have sought help and support, including homeless heroin addicts, billionaires, and people in prison, as the approach is believed to work across cultures and in all situations, regardless of poverty, wealth, captivity, or freedom (10m10s).
• The common problem among these individuals, regardless of their background, is the desire to know their purpose and why they are here, which stems from the human consciousness of mortality (11m31s).
• This desperation to know one's purpose is attributed to a culture that has pulled people away from their inherent knowledge of what they are meant to be, instead focusing on productivity, consumption, and material wealth (12m8s).
• This cultural focus has led to people becoming stuck in the left hemisphere of the brain, which is obsessed with grabbing, owning, and controlling things, and is always afraid, whereas the right hemisphere of the brain connects with meaning, purpose, relationship, and connection (12m32s).
• Humans have evolved to live in a state of nature, with intimate relationships with animals, plants, and the Earth, but modern Western societies have a fundamentally different way of living, dominated by artificial light, factory labor, and a focus on tasks rather than real problems (13m25s).
• This modern way of living is likened to someone with a severe right hemisphere stroke, leading to a disconnection from one's sense of meaning and purpose, according to philosopher and neurologist Ian McGilchrist (14m28s).

Why Did You Decide to Write a Book About Anxiety? (14m48s)

• The book "Beyond Anxiety" was written to address the growing issue of anxiety, which is the most common mental health challenge people face, with around 284 million people clinically diagnosable with anxiety disorder. (14m49s)
• The concept of integrity, which means being whole and having all meaning-making systems in order, is crucial in addressing anxiety, as it allows individuals to awaken and experience reality spontaneously. (15m5s)
• Despite people putting their lives in integrity, many still experience anxiety, which led to the realization that anxiety is skyrocketing worldwide, with a 25% increase during the pandemic year 2020. (15m57s)
• Anxiety is a self-reinforcing cycle that can create a culture that reflects and fosters anxiety, making it inevitable in a mechanistic and grasping way of being. (16m53s)
• Jeff Bezos, one of the richest men in the world, encourages his employees to wake up terrified every morning and stay terrified all day to be productive, highlighting the link between fear and productivity. (17m21s)
• However, this approach to productivity is problematic, as it prioritizes fear and anxiety over well-being, and even those who are financially successful may still experience anxiety and fear. (17m51s)
• Fear is a natural response to threats, but in modern society, it can become a constant state, leading to anxiety and stress, rather than subsiding like it would in other animals. (18m40s)
• Normal fear and anxiety can become overwhelming when humans turn the initial fear into a verbal story, rather than acting and then relaxing, as other animals do (19m16s).
• A group of psychologists in the 1990s discovered that humans are the only animals that commit suicide on a regular basis, and the reason is attributed to the human capacity for language (19m33s).
• This capacity for language allows humans to create an abstract vision of the future that is more horrifying than the prospect of their own death, leading some to choose death over the story of fear they carry in their minds (19m51s).
• The spiral of anxiety and fear occurs when a jolt of fear is followed by a story about the fear, and then a story about the need to control the world and loved ones to avoid danger (20m11s).
• However, the realization that control is not possible leads to increased worry and fear, which feeds back into the primitive brain structures and creates a bigger story and more control efforts (20m31s).
• This cycle continues to escalate because the part of the brain responsible for fear has a tendency to believe that nothing but itself exists, making it challenging to break the cycle (20m50s).

What Do We Need to Know About the Brain to Understand This All? (21m9s)

• The brain is symmetrical with the Corpus callosum connecting the two hemispheres, and while the entire brain works almost all the time, there are significant differences between the left and right hemispheres (21m16s).
• The left hemisphere contains the amygdala, a primitive part of the brain that makes a person safe by being alarmed when seeing unfamiliar things, and it feeds information to other ancient layers of the brain that make a person think of ways to control a situation (21m56s).
• The left hemisphere also handles things like time and language, and it starts to tell a story defending the feelings it's having, creating an anxiety spiral (22m36s).
• The right hemisphere also has an amygdala, but instead of creating aversion, it creates curiosity when encountering unfamiliar things (22m52s).
• The right hemisphere is responsible for connecting things and figuring out what happened, and it uses vivid images and sensory details to create its own version of events (24m14s).
• The right hemisphere is also responsible for creativity, and when a person engages in creative activities, their anxiety can shut down (25m0s).
• Creativity and anxiety are like two parts of the brain that toggle, and if a person deliberately chooses to push their brain toward creativity, their anxiety can shut down (25m11s).
• Traditional cultures have wise people who talk about the oneness of all things, and this concept is not new (25m18s).
• Deliberately choosing to engage in creative activities can help get rid of anxiety, and this has been consistently found in experiments and tests on clients and groups of people online (25m41s).
• While there are real problems that people should be afraid of, the solution to these problems lies in accessing human creativity, which can only be done when a person is calm and not in a state of panic (26m7s).
• The only way to solve big problems is to access the incredible capacity of human creativity, and this can be done as individuals and as a species (26m38s).

How Would I Switch Away From My Anxiety State Into My Creative State? (26m47s)

• The brain naturally goes towards anxiety due to the negativity bias, which is an evolutionary trait that prioritizes attention to potential threats, such as a snake in a box with 15 puppies (27m1s).
• To reduce anxiety, one can trick the brain by using sensory imagination, which is handled by the right hemisphere, instead of verbal imagination, which can create horror stories (30m57s).
• A technique to reduce anxiety involves thinking of something that makes you feel anxious, noticing the physical and emotional sensations, and then vividly imagining a sensory experience, such as eating an orange (27m40s).
• The sensory experience should be imagined in detail, including sights, smells, tastes, and textures, to fully engage the right hemisphere and reduce anxiety (29m30s).
• When imagining the sensory experience, it's helpful to close your eyes and focus on the details, such as the smell of the orange, the feel of the peel, and the taste of the juice (29m26s).
• The goal is to fully immerse oneself in the sensory experience, letting go of anxious thoughts and feelings, and enjoying the sensation of the experience (30m38s).
• By using this technique, one can reduce anxiety and shift from a fight-or-flight state to a more relaxed state, as demonstrated by the example of imagining a partner's unhappiness and then imagining eating an orange (28m56s).
• People are always imagining their future based on what they think is real, which often involves horror stories and negative scenarios, and this can lead to anxiety and tension in the body (31m7s).
• When imagining a scenario that brings relaxation, the body relaxes, breathing deepens, and the production of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline decreases, while the production of serotonin and dopamine increases (31m44s).
• By staying in a relaxed state, even in the face of conflict or anxiety in others, it's possible to approach the situation with curiosity and empathy rather than fear (32m32s).
• Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, uses a gentle and curious approach to deal with violent and psychopathic individuals, which can help to de-escalate tense situations (33m7s).
• The human amygdala is often in a state of fear, and approaching it with aggression or demands can exacerbate the fear, whereas a gentle and empathetic approach can help to calm it (33m38s).
• There are various "tricks" that can help to move the nervous system into a state of peace and relaxation, and one of these involves using the right side of the brain through creative activities (34m5s).
• One such activity involves writing one's first name in mirror writing, which can help to engage the right side of the brain and promote relaxation (34m34s).
• To access the right side of the brain, a person can try signing their name with their non-dominant hand, which can be a difficult task, but it can help create new neurons and synapses in the brain (35m24s).
• This task can be frustrating, but it requires becoming engrossed in the activity to accomplish it, similar to how children learn new skills, such as writing, for the first time (36m16s).
• The task of signing with the non-dominant hand connects to parts of the brain that are in the right hemisphere, which is responsible for processing shapes (36m49s).
• A similar concept is applied to drawing, where a person must forget what they are drawing and focus on the shapes, rather than the object itself (37m2s).
• This type of activity is similar to "powerlifting" for the brain, as it forces the creation of new synapses and promotes deep learning (37m27s).
• Research has shown that 98% of four and five-year-olds are considered creative geniuses, but this creativity often declines in adulthood due to the way people are taught to learn in school (37m57s).
• The traditional education system can stifle creativity by focusing on shame, fear, and artificial skills, rather than encouraging new experiences and learning (38m30s).
• One way to promote creativity and right-brain thinking is to engage in activities that do not involve language, such as making fire with sticks and rocks, which can help people tap into their creative potential (39m6s).
• Humans have a natural ability to learn and achieve, often accompanied by a sense of joy and accomplishment, similar to the Promethean feeling of being capable of doing anything (39m46s).
• This innate capacity for learning is not based on judgment or evaluation, as seen in the natural world where there is no concept of right or wrong, only the presence or absence of a desired outcome, such as fire (40m10s).
• The natural world operates without judgment, where one either achieves a goal or does not, without being labeled as right or wrong, and this concept can be applied to personal growth and development (40m13s).

A Three-Step Process to Alleviate Anxiety on a Daily Basis (40m17s)

• A three-step process, represented by the acronym CAT (Calm, Art, and Transcendence), can be used to alleviate anxiety on a daily basis (40m32s).
• The first step, "Calm," involves calming the brain, which is biologically pre-programmed to be anxious, rather than trying to fight or end anxiety (40m48s).
• Most people try to fight their anxiety, thinking it's a broken machine, but it's actually a frightened animal that needs to be calmed down (41m5s).
• Attacking or trying to force anxiety to calm down with chemicals can make it worse, as it's a left hemisphere way of thinking that can be mechanistic and harmful (42m1s).
• Humans are born with the intrinsic knowledge of how to calm a frightened animal, and this knowledge can be applied to calming one's own anxiety (42m5s).
• To calm a frightened animal, such as a terrified puppy, one would instinctively know to approach it gently and help it feel safe, rather than trying to fight or force it to calm down (42m21s).

We Have to Be Gentle With Ourselves (42m27s)

• When dealing with anxious or traumatic parts of oneself, it's essential to approach them slowly and gently, giving them space and time, rather than trying to control or suppress them (42m27s).
• This gentle approach involves acknowledging and accepting the anxious part, rather than trying to change or fix it, and offering reassurance and support (42m57s).
• By being gentle and non-judgmental, individuals can create a safe space for their anxious parts to express themselves, which can lead to a decrease in anxiety and an increase in overall well-being (43m1s).
• This approach is in contrast to the common practice of trying to biohack or control one's emotions, which can be violent and unhelpful (43m4s).
• When dealing with a difficult situation, such as a partner acting strangely, it's more effective to focus on one's own anxious response rather than trying to control the other person (43m12s).
• By observing and acknowledging one's own anxiety, individuals can begin to understand and address the underlying fears and emotions (43m40s).
• Writing down one's thoughts and feelings can be a helpful way to process and release emotions, as demonstrated by psychologist James Panabaker's experiment (45m6s).
• Panabaker's experiment showed that writing about upsetting experiences can lead to a temporary increase in distress, but ultimately results in fewer doctor's visits, less anxiety, and better relationships (45m15s).
• The practice of writing down one's thoughts and feelings can be a powerful way to express and process emotions, and can be done without the intention of sharing or re-reading the writing (45m52s).
• The importance of being heard and expressing oneself is also demonstrated by the Truth and Reconciliation councils held in South Africa after Nelson Mandela became president (46m13s).
• These councils allowed individuals to share their stories and experiences, which helped to unburden them and promote healing, rather than leading to further violence or conflict (46m25s).

The Anxiety Spiral (47m8s)

• Anxiety can be compared to driving over metal spikes, where getting stuck in the anxiety spiral or cycle can be overwhelming, and the first step to calm down is to stop and get out of the situation, which can be achieved through techniques like writing one's name backwards to induce physiological calm (47m23s).
• This calming step allows the brain to build pathways to calmer parts, reversing the anxiety cycle, and enabling individuals to leave the anxious state behind (48m4s).
• Once calm, the next step is to engage in creative activities, represented by the acronym "CAT," where "A" stands for art, which can be making things in three dimensions, creating events, or producing content like podcasts (48m31s).
• Engaging in creative activities can be therapeutic, as seen in the example of painting, which can help individuals feel lost in the process and reduce stress (49m7s).
• Research has shown that people who have experienced trauma and are allowed to draw about it have an 80% lower chance of developing PTSD, highlighting the benefits of creative expression (49m44s).
• Creating things, whether it's art, music, or other forms of expression, is a fundamental part of the human spirit, and it can bring people contentment and joy, as seen in the examples of beaded bracelets and music from different cultures (50m25s).
• Despite the importance of creative expression, modern culture often pushes it to the fringes, but it remains an essential part of human nature, as evident in the resilience of people who continue to create art even in the face of adversity (51m10s).
• Creating art can help calm anxiety due to the way the brain structures function, specifically the left side's obsession with grasping material objects, acquiring, controlling others, and thinking about fear, which can be toggled off by engaging in creative activities (51m35s).
• Engaging in creative activities such as expressive or artistic writing can switch off anxiety and switch on creativity, allowing individuals to spiral outward from fear and ultimately reach a state of calming, artistry, and transcendence or awakening (52m8s).
• This state of transcendence or awakening, also referred to as "Flow" by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, is a state of creating and performing at a high level, where one can experience a sense of mastery and bliss (52m36s).
• In this state of flow, the sense of self falls away, and the sense of control is no longer necessary, allowing individuals to feel creation moving with and through them, resulting in a blissful experience (53m17s).
• It is believed that spending most of one's time in this state of flow can transform consciousness and is the state in which humans are meant to spend most of their time (53m28s).

What's Your View on the Suffering Between Men and Women? (53m36s)

• There are two groups of people suffering in different ways: men struggling with meaning and purpose, and young women experiencing depression and anxiety, with their suffering being both similar and different (53m58s).
• The brain works differently in pubescent girls compared to adult men, and in traditional societies, young men and women were put through different experiences to help them mature (54m7s).
• In some cultures, young men were taken into the wilderness by elders and put through trials to disintegrate their ego, making them realize they are not the center of the universe and need their brothers to exist (54m32s).
• This experience helped young men understand the importance of humility and their place in nature, and they were then given a new name and welcomed back to the village as men (55m12s).
• In contrast, young girls at puberty were often isolated from humans and put in a place where they could find themselves and individuate, as females tend to be born integrated and need to learn to be individual (55m20s).
• However, in modern times, young girls are often caught in social toxicity and not taught to meditate or find themselves, leading to increased depression and anxiety (57m27s).
• The internet can exacerbate the individuation of young men, making them feel like they are under attack and need to achieve and battle, without the humility that comes from elders (57m8s).
• The lack of traditional cultural practices and the influence of the internet can contribute to the suffering of both young men and women, including increased suicidal ideation, which is particularly prominent in young men (57m47s).

Why Are Young Men Killing Themselves at Alarming Rates? (57m54s)

• Young men under the age of 45 are killing themselves at alarming rates, and this can be attributed to the fact that it is easier for them to take their own lives rather than face the troubles of the world (58m1s).
• Men are often taught combat as a way of control, and this can lead to an obsession with weaponry, which can be intense and militarized when people are in a spiral of fear (58m32s).
• Throughout history, genocides have relied on toxic leaders accessing vulnerable young men and militarizing them against other people, which can be easy to do if they are isolated and have no elders to guide them (59m4s).
• The solution for young men may lie in looking to their ancestors and traditional societies, where they would have been taught skills such as making fire, hunting, and building for the community (59m29s).
• A coach named Michael Trada worked with groups of young men, taking them through trials and teaching them skills that would have been used in a traditional society, which helped to heal them (59m40s).
• Using skills such as hunting and surviving can be healing for young men because it is what humans evolved to do, and the lives people are living now are often alienating and abnormal (1h0m31s).
• The modern environment, with its right angles and man-made structures, is not conducive to human evolution and can be scary, but creating and making things can help to balance and calm the energy (1h1m10s).

Your Experiences Growing Up (1h2m14s)

• The person's story is heartbreaking and has shaped who they are today, with their experiences before the age of 10 playing a significant role in their life (1h2m14s).
• They were born into a Mormon family and community where everyone shared the same beliefs, and they were indoctrinated into the religion from a young age, starting with religious training at 18 months (1h2m57s).
• As a child, they were taught that men who lived well and were part of the Mormon church would get their own planet and multiple women when they died, and that Jesus would come over the mountains, causing graves to fly open and the dead to rise up and join him (1h3m4s).
• These teachings led to nightmares and a sense of terror, with recurring dreams of trying to jump high enough to be saved with the rising people, but being unable to do so (1h3m36s).
• The person struggled to distinguish between what was real and what was not, as none of the teachings felt real, leading to a disconcerting and uncertain experience of life (1h4m4s).
• Despite the challenges, they thought this was just what life was like, having never had any other experiences to compare it to (1h4m15s).

Facing Abuse as a Child (1h4m20s)

• The realization of being sexually assaulted as a child came later in life, with hints of it through friends who mentioned being told about it in high school, but the memory was repressed (1h4m21s).
• The father was a renowned scholarly defender of Mormonism, but his work involved making things up and putting them as footnotes in different languages, which was referred to as "lying for the Lord" (1h5m1s).
• The father's actions and the speaker's childhood experiences twisted them into knots, and the speaker has memories and physical scarring from the sexual abuse (1h5m37s).
• The memories of the abuse resurfaced after a "light experience" during surgery, which told the speaker that they would go through something difficult but would always be with them (1h5m51s).
• The connection with the light experience made the speaker decide not to lie anymore, and when the memories of the abuse started coming back, it didn't matter because of the connection with the light (1h6m6s).
• The memories of the abuse started coming back when the speaker's oldest child reached the age of 5, the same age the speaker was when the abuse started, and the child looked just like the speaker at that age (1h6m54s).
• The speaker experienced intrusive flashbacks and symptoms of PTSD, which were triggered by looking at their child (1h7m3s).
• The speaker called their mother to tell her about the abuse, and the mother acknowledged it, saying she knew the father better than the speaker did, but then told the speaker to protect the church (1h7m24s).
• The mother suggested that the speaker should make the father a cake, which the speaker found weird, but they made the cake and served it to the father before deciding not to go back (1h9m0s).
• The speaker eventually confronted the father about the abuse (1h9m17s).

My Mum Knew He Was Abusing Me (1h9m19s)

• A confrontation with the father occurred 10 years after the initial incident, when the father was 90-91 years old, to inform him that forgiveness had been given, so he wouldn't have to carry the burden, but he didn't acknowledge the abuse, instead attributing it to the "evil one," possibly referring to the devil or his own evil side (1h9m20s).
• The father was a complex, broken, and disassociated person, who was brilliant but had chosen his religion over his sense of reality, which contributed to his misery, and his experiences in World War II also had a profound impact on him (1h9m25s).
• Forgiveness is not necessary for healing; finding one's own truth and integrity is key to healing and happiness, and once that is achieved, there is no need for forgiveness (1h10m21s).
• The mother initially acknowledged the abuse in a phone call, saying "that sounds about right," but later retracted her statement, possibly due to having to live with the father and not being able to agree with the speaker in his presence (1h11m27s).
• The mother never admitted to previously acknowledging the abuse and the speaker never saw her again after the confrontation (1h12m2s).
• The mother was described as a "big ball of misery and rage" and the speaker never felt safe around her, with the impression that she hated the speaker (1h12m19s).
• The mother's behavior was possibly influenced by her Mormon beliefs, which led her to feel that the last four children, including the speaker, had "forced themselves" upon her, and she was angry and depressed about their birth (1h12m38s).
• The mother spent a lot of time in bed, upset and crying, and her funeral was described as validating, with siblings sharing stories about her depression and lack of motherly love (1h13m16s).
• The speaker feels tremendous sadness, compassion, and empathy for their mother, who lived a life of pain and felt powerless in a "crazy system" (1h14m29s).

Did Anything Happen to Them? (1h15m1s)

• The parents' behavior was not solely influenced by their religion, as there were other factors at play in their lives (1h15m4s).
• The grandmother, who was the mother's mother, was believed to be a psychopath and had a disturbing past, including being a Nazi in World War II (1h15m13s).
• There was a suspicion that the father was abused, which was later confirmed as he was sexually abused by his mother (1h15m29s).
• The father's mother would inflict physical and emotional harm on him, including wounding him, putting venom on his genitals, and displaying inappropriate sexual behavior towards him (1h15m41s).

Forgiveness (1h15m52s)

• Traumatic events that occurred at a young age can have a lasting impact, leaving their "fingerprints" on a person as they grow older (1h15m55s).
• The individual being discussed experienced severe distress in their teenage years, specifically between the ages of 17 and 18 (1h16m2s).
• During this time, the person struggled with suicidal thoughts, considering ending their own life constantly (1h16m6s).

Always Wanted to End My Life (1h16m9s)

• A daily struggle with suicidal thoughts began around the age of 13, but by 16, these thoughts had become constant, and it was all that could be done to not commit suicide (1h16m17s).
• This struggle continued into the 20s, but a turning point came at the age of 32, when it was realized that it was the first day without wanting to kill oneself (1h16m39s).
• The presence of suicidal thoughts in life was attributed to tremendous amounts of physical and psychological pain, which are linked through the body-mind interface (1h16m54s).
• The concept of psychogenic pain, where the body and mind are connected, was mentioned, and it was noted that lying can cause physical weakness (1h17m1s).
• A simple test was proposed to demonstrate the effect of lying on physical strength, where a person is asked to hold their arm up while telling a lie, such as "I love to vomit" (1h17m22s).

Lying Makes You Weak (1h17m46s)

• When saying a false statement, such as "I love to vomit," the body's physical response is weaker compared to saying a true statement, like "I love fresh air," which is why polygraph machines work, except for individuals with psychopathy (1h17m46s).
• The body lives in reality and is honest, while the mind can lie and tell us things that are not true, which can lead to believing false information (1h18m45s).
• In public speaking situations, people often claim to be comfortable when they are not, and this discomfort can lead to physical sickness or addiction as they try to numb the feeling (1h20m6s).
• The body provides accurate information about what is working and what is not through suffering, and acknowledging this can help individuals make changes to improve their comfort and well-being (1h21m10s).
• Making small, one-degree turns towards comfort, rather than trying to make drastic changes, can be a more effective way to improve one's situation (1h21m31s).
• Noticing and acknowledging discomfort can help individuals make positive changes, such as taking care of themselves or making different choices (1h21m56s).
• Society often trains people not to listen to their bodies and instead prioritize their minds, leading to a disconnection from their physical needs and feelings (1h22m26s).
• Living in a way that prioritizes the body and its needs, rather than just the mind, can be beneficial for overall well-being, as suggested by Sir Ken Robinson and Ian McGilchrist (1h22m33s).

How Do We Find Our Meaning and Purpose? (1h23m20s)

• People often ask about finding meaning and purpose, and the response is that they were born with an inner guide that tells them how to feel, but they may have learned to tune it out due to external influences such as family opinions or social media (1h23m21s).
• This inner guide is thought to be an evolutionary mechanism that helps people make decisions, such as running away from danger or being scared of certain situations (1h23m49s).
• The ability to listen to this inner guide can be developed by quitting things that don't feel right, even if it's scary or uncertain (1h24m10s).
• Quitting can be a skill that comes naturally to some people, and it can be a quick way to find out what one truly wants to do (1h24m19s).
• The decision to quit something can be based solely on the fact that it doesn't feel good, without needing a better option or a plan (1h24m41s).
• There are two approaches to making changes: gradual, which may result in smaller gains, or taking a risk and "running off a cliff," which can be rough but may lead to more significant positives (1h24m50s).
• When working with clients, the goal is to provide them with valuable insights in a short amount of time, so they can make decisions and move forward (1h25m6s).
• A simple way to find out what one wants to do is to stop doing things that they don't want to do and don't have to do (1h25m23s).

What If You Don't Want to Do Something but Feel Like You Have To? (1h25m40s)

• When faced with a situation where one feels obligated to do something they don't want to do, such as a work meeting or a social event, it's essential to pay attention to internal feelings and thoughts to make a decision that aligns with one's true desires (1h25m43s).
• Practicing meditation, expressive writing, painting, or simply sitting still can help increase awareness of these internal feelings and thoughts, allowing for more informed decision-making (1h26m0s).
• While it may seem simple, the phrase "if you don't want to do it, you don't have to do it" holds some truth, but there are situations where one may not want to do something, yet still needs to do it for personal growth or freedom (1h26m13s).
• The concept of freedom, as described by the Buddha, is a key factor in making decisions that align with one's true path, and it's essential to recognize that freedom is not necessarily tied to happiness, benefits, or other external factors, but rather an internal sense of liberation (1h26m55s).
• Personal experiences, such as facing childhood trauma or difficult situations, can be opportunities for growth and freedom, even if they are uncomfortable or challenging (1h27m10s).
• The distinction between feeling obligated to do something for external reasons (e.g., to please others) versus internal reasons (e.g., for personal growth or freedom) is crucial in making decisions that align with one's true desires and values (1h27m38s).

What Is Freedom? (1h27m49s)

• Freedom is described as a sense of relaxation and being in complete harmony with something that is moving through the world, similar to the concept of flow, where the sense of self almost disappears (1h27m59s).
• The concept of dosm, an energy that flows through nature, is mentioned, where if one doesn't fight it, they will live the life they were meant to live, and this sense of letting go is also considered freedom (1h28m28s).
• Trusting one's gut and intuition is also associated with freedom, as seen in the context of food choices, where one should be cautious of misleading information and instead rely on accurate sources (1h28m49s).
• The importance of accurate information about food is highlighted, with nutritionists warning against misleading claims on packaging, such as "low sugar" and "nothing artificial," which are often signs of foods to avoid (1h28m59s).
• A reliable source of accurate information about food and nutrition is Zoe, a company backed by one of the world's largest microbiome databases, which provides personalized nutrition programs and at-home gut health tests (1h29m21s).
• Zoe's services include an at-home test kit and a personalized nutrition program to help make smarter food choices that support gut health, and a discount code "Steven 10" can be used for 10% off membership (1h29m36s).

How Different Is the Martha at 32 to Now? (1h29m49s)

• The difference between the person at 32 years old and now is radical, with the ability to live in a state of almost continuous joy without dying, and it's one's job in the world to find a way to live in that state (1h29m49s).
• If the younger self were to ask for step one to achieve this, the advice would be to sit down with oneself and find a part that can say to the suffering, "I love you, it'll be okay, I'm right here," which is called internal self-talk or KISSED (1h30m57s).
• This concept is similar to the basis of loving-kindness in Tibetan Buddhism, where monks and nuns sit in meditation for days, offering kindness to themselves (1h31m25s).
• Sitting with one's miserable self and offering wishes for happiness, freedom from suffering, safety, and ease can help align with the infinitely loving and intelligent reality (1h31m45s).
• The suffering is part of the dream world, and the reality is beyond our minds, but we can align ourselves with it, and it's like a lifeline that can be thrown to one's younger self (1h32m11s).
• The dream world includes anxiety spirals, the fear of death, and the idea that everything is awful, but suffering and death are certain, and it's possible to find a way to live in joy despite this (1h32m37s).
• The concept of the dream world is also described by Dante and Shakespeare, who said that we are made of the stuff that dreams are made of, and that the world is like a little threshing floor that incites savagery (1h33m7s).
• The idea is that once one learns to love oneself, they can see the world in a different light, like a rose or a lotus flower unfolding and producing light, symbolizing the opening of one's consciousness (1h33m18s).
• The part of oneself that used to be unhappy is like a video game, something that is believed to be real but is actually a projection of consciousness (1h33m55s).
• Consciousness is primary, and matter is made by consciousness, but nobody knows what consciousness actually is, and it's essential to keep an open mind and not close it around certain beliefs or ideas (1h34m24s).
• The phrase "I think, therefore I am" is often misquoted, and the original phrase by Descartes is "I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am," which emphasizes the importance of doubt and open-mindedness (1h34m38s).
• When one is willing to let their mind go wide open, they can experience a new level of consciousness and understanding, and it's essential to be open to the mystery and not rule out people's experiences (1h34m59s).
• The minds we are taught to have by our culture are often closed, whether it's around a religion or a sort of atheistic science, but real science should be open to the mystery (1h35m19s).
• The experience of the world is a real projection of consciousness, but consciousness is something much vaster and more infinite and enduring than matter (1h35m41s).

This Light You Saw in Surgery (1h35m54s)

• During surgery, a bright light appeared between the surgical lights, initially small like a golf ball, and grew larger, touching the body and filling with an intense feeling of exquisite joy and happiness (1h36m27s).
• The light was mesmerizing, displaying trillions more colors than normally seen, and its presence was accompanied by a sense of pure relief and laughter (1h36m45s).
• The surgeons and anesthesiologist were concerned, thinking the anesthesia wasn't strong enough, as tears were coming out of the eyes, but in reality, the tears were a result of the intense joy and happiness felt (1h37m31s).
• Upon waking up, the desire to see the anesthesiologist was expressed, and when they met, the anesthesiologist seemed terrified, fearing they had done something wrong, but a voice had told them not to administer more medication, as the crying was due to happiness (1h38m8s).
• The anesthesiologist shared that in 33 years of giving anesthesia, this had only happened once before, and after hearing the story, they gave a kiss on the forehead and left (1h39m1s).
• The experience was not thought to be a result of the anesthesia, as the memory of it never faded, unlike typical memories (1h39m10s).

Why Did Truth Emerge From That? (1h39m15s)

• A vow was made to not lie in any way, including actions and facial expressions, after studying various wisdom traditions and finding the phrase "the truth will set you free" to be a recurring theme (1h39m18s).
• This vow was made due to a deep understanding of the concept of truth, which was found to be more real and true than anything else experienced, including the teachings of Mormonism (1h39m58s).
• The decision to tell the truth was not a choice, but an absolute obsession, and every time a lie was told, it felt like the presence of a higher power or light withdrew (1h40m38s).
• To maintain this connection to the truth, thoughts and actions were constantly questioned and investigated to ensure they aligned with what felt truest (1h41m5s).
• The concept of "don't know mind" from Asian cultures was adopted, which involves keeping the mind wide open and not clenched around anything, allowing for a sense of humility and surrender (1h41m50s).
• Stepping into one's truth can lead to a less anxious state, but it often comes with consequences, such as losing a job or facing backlash from others (1h42m24s).
• To navigate this, it's essential to ask oneself if speaking the truth is kind, true, and necessary, and to do so in a way that is not unkind (1h42m48s).
• Ultimately, serving one's true nature may lead to becoming countercultural, and it's essential to be prepared for the potential consequences that come with it (1h43m32s).

How Do You Know What Your True Nature Is? (1h43m54s)

• Figuring out one's true nature can be achieved by recognizing the absence of all psychological suffering, as one's true nature is free from such suffering (1h43m56s).
• Psychological suffering is often caused by innocently believing lies that were taught by two main forces: socialization or trauma (1h44m12s).
• Trauma can lead to a constant fear of danger, which becomes lodged in the brain, while socialization can instill negative beliefs such as not being good enough or needing to please others (1h44m24s).
• These negative beliefs can cause conflict when they contradict one's true nature, especially if they are imposed by cultural expectations (1h44m31s).
• When one's true nature aligns with their culture, there is no conflict, as seen in the case of someone who loves school and finds it a good fit (1h44m47s).
• However, forcing someone to conform to a culture that goes against their true nature can cause significant suffering, as seen in the case of the speaker's oldest child who was forced to attend school despite not being a good fit (1h44m55s).
• This suffering can be long-lasting and have a profound impact on one's life, as the speaker reflects on their own experiences and regrets (1h45m18s).

The Grieving Process (1h45m30s)

• The grieving process is a sequence of emotions that includes denial, anger, bargaining, and sadness, as listed by Elisabeth Kubler Ross, which people experience when they lose someone or are going to die (1h45m44s).
• However, the grieving process is not a linear sequence, but rather a complex mix of emotions that can occur simultaneously, similar to being in a cement mixer (1h46m1s).
• A Peruvian Shaman described compassion as the evolution of consciousness in the healing of trauma, and the healing of trauma is achieved through the grieving process (1h46m10s).
• Grieving is a natural process that involves feeling and expressing emotions, and it is not the same as psychological suffering, which is characterized by feelings of anguish and a desire to escape one's circumstances (1h46m38s).
• Sitting with someone who is grieving, offering comfort and support, and sharing their emotions can be a helpful way to facilitate the grieving process (1h46m23s).
• The distinction between grieving and psychological suffering is important, as grieving is a necessary process for healing, while psychological suffering is a state of distress that can be alleviated (1h46m40s).

Being True About Your Sexuality (1h46m49s)

• The individual was in a relationship with their husband, who was gay but trying to suppress his true identity due to his Mormon upbringing, and they got married when the individual was 20 years old (1h46m50s).
• The couple had a lot in common, including being delivered by the same obstetrician and attending Harvard, and they were best friends who deeply loved each other (1h47m14s).
• However, the individual was disassociated due to past sexual abuse and wasn't conscious of their own feelings or identity (1h47m37s).
• When the couple started questioning their Mormon faith, the individual's past trauma resurfaced, and they began experiencing psychic phenomena, including having verifiable flashes of insight about people they loved (1h48m2s).
• Through these experiences, the individual realized that their husband was gay and that his true joy was tied to his homosexuality (1h48m36s).
• After leaving the Mormon church, the couple acknowledged their true identities, and the individual's husband started dating men, while the individual fell in love with a woman and is still in a relationship with her (1h49m7s).
• Eight years ago, the individual met another woman who was visiting, and the three of them formed a romantic connection, which has been a positive and fulfilling experience despite going against cultural norms (1h49m25s).
• The individual believes that following one's truth can lead to a countercultural life, but it can also be incredibly liberating and lead to personal growth and happiness (1h50m1s).
• A person realized they were in love with two people, and instead of feeling fear, anger, or jealousy, they felt an explosion of pure joy, which was a turning point in their life (1h51m27s).
• This person was in a long-term relationship with Karen for 22 years and had been on an "Integrity cleanse," where they had to tell the truth all the time (1h51m38s).
• Karen had been spending time with Rowan, a writer from Australia, and developed strong feelings for her, which she shared with her partner (1h51m57s).
• The person's initial reaction to Karen's confession was one of joy and excitement, and they suggested that Rowan join them to get to know each other better (1h52m53s).
• The three of them have been in a polyamorous relationship for eight years, which has felt natural and required a lot of communication and authenticity (1h53m28s).
• One of the key aspects of their relationship is that none of them is capable of lying, which has created a sense of harmony and community among them (1h53m59s).
• The person believes that their relationship is a better alternative to feeling suicidal and has brought more love and joy into their life (1h53m10s).
• They acknowledge that their relationship may look weird to others, but it has worked for them and has been a source of happiness (1h53m21s).

What Are the Lies We're Sold About Meaning and Purpose? (1h54m21s)

• Many people struggle to find their purpose and meaning in life, with some even reaching out for guidance on social media, highlighting the need to re-examine the concept of purpose and meaning (1h54m36s).
• The traditional notion of purpose and meaning is often focused on individual achievements and what happens to people, but a different perspective is that the meaning of life is what happens between people, emphasizing the importance of relationships and connections (1h55m15s).
• The concept of Ubuntu, which originates from Africa, is centered around the idea that "I am me because we are us," highlighting the interconnectedness of individuals and the importance of community (1h55m46s).
• Ubuntu is a practical concept that is often seen in African cultures, where community members come together to support one another, such as in the case of AIDS orphans being absorbed into communities (1h56m11s).
• A Chinese proverb states that "if you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together," emphasizing the importance of community and collaboration (1h56m23s).
• Focusing on the space between individuals, rather than just looking at each other, can help shift one's perspective and create a sense of calm and connection, as demonstrated by an exercise where one looks at the distance between people (1h56m58s).
• This concept is also reflected in the way animals, such as dogs and cats, interact with humans, as they often look at the space between individuals and have soft eyes, which is why people often feel a strong connection with them (1h58m31s).
• Building communities based on the concept of Ubuntu can help foster creativity, connection, and a sense of belonging, as seen in the example of an online community called Wilder (1h58m13s).

Advice for Someone Who Can't Find Their Purpose in Life (1h58m52s)

• When struggling to find one's purpose in life, it's essential to acknowledge and offer love to the part of oneself that's experiencing stress and pain, as this feeling can be overwhelming and hurtful (1h58m59s).
• To begin the process of discovering one's purpose, find a trustworthy friend, community, or confidant and share feelings of despair, allowing oneself to be heard and feel connected (1h59m25s).
• Communicating one's despair and feeling heard can help fill in the gaps in knowledge and lead to the realization that one's purpose is where their deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet (1h59m55s).
• This concept of deep gladness is inspired by German theologian Frederick Buechner, who stated that one's mission in life is where their deep gladness and the world's deep hunger intersect (2h0m16s).
• Deep gladness is not just a feeling of happiness, but a profound sense of connection and fulfillment that can be felt in one's viscera, often experienced when being with a loved one, such as a child or an animal (2h1m27s).
• To tap into this sense of deep gladness, recall a moment when you felt completely relaxed and present with another being, without any pressure or expectations, and allow yourself to feel that sense of connection and joy (2h1m54s).
• This feeling of deep gladness is closely tied to the concept of stillness and connection with a higher power, as described in Psalm 46, which emphasizes the importance of being still and knowing one's true nature (2h2m26s).
• Ultimately, recognizing and embracing one's deep gladness can lead to a profound sense of reunion and connection with others, and a deeper understanding of one's purpose in life (2h3m16s).

How Has the Internet Messed This All Up? (2h3m30s)

• The internet has both messed up and made possible the spread of information, but it has also created a culture of negativity and polarization due to the monetization of attention, with a focus on what bleeds and leads, and a negativity bias that prioritizes frightening or angering content over positive or uplifting content (2h3m31s).
• This has led to the creation of polarized political belief systems with their own information sets, making it difficult to discern what is true, and a lack of open-mindedness in the left hemisphere of the brain (2h4m21s).
• However, when the brain has an awakening experience, it can change everything, and this can be thought of as an epigenetic switch that flashes to the whole brain and changes its functioning (2h4m49s).
• The brain's neocortex is a thin, interactive surface that is capable of teaching and learning, and if one person awakens, they can potentially touch the lives of everyone else, as seen in the examples of Buddha and Jesus (2h5m19s).
• The internet has made it possible for one awakened person to communicate with everyone in the world, as seen in the examples of Malala Yousafzai and a poor kid in Malawi who can share their message with the world (2h5m59s).
• Interacting with the internet can shape an algorithm that is unrealistic, as it is based on individual experiences and preferences, and can create a bubble of love and joy that is not reflective of the wider world (2h6m39s).
• However, even in places with a reputation for darkness and negativity, such as Africa, there are many acts of selfless love and kindness that can be found, and it is possible to find examples of love and joy in unexpected places (2h7m12s).
• A personal experience at an airport with a vomiting child led to an outpouring of help from strangers, despite being in a place that was previously perceived as dark and scary, illustrating the concept of Ubuntu, which highlights the capacity for love and kindness in every place where human beings are present (2h7m59s).
• The experience showed that the part of human beings that loves is infinitely more powerful than the part that does not, and that every place has the potential for kindness and love (2h9m2s).
• The most important thing from the book "Beyond Anxiety" is that no matter who a person is or how lonely they may feel, they are part of the family of things and are fundamentally safe and okay, and that the world offers itself to their imagination (2h9m40s).
• This idea is inspired by Mary Oliver's poem "Wild Geese," which emphasizes that every person is part of a larger whole and is connected to the world around them (2h9m51s).

The Last Guest's Question (2h10m33s)

• A great story is one where bad things happen to heroes, who then turn their suffering into something wonderful through a process of alchemy, whereas a good story is when bad things happen to good people, but they don't necessarily overcome their struggles (2h11m5s).
• The difference between a great story and a good story lies in how the protagonist responds to adversity, with heroes using their experiences as material for invention and creation, rather than simply suffering (2h12m34s).
• This concept of alchemy, where suffering is transformed into something positive, is a choice that people can make, although it may not always be easy, especially for those facing difficult circumstances (2h12m59s).
• Being kind and gentle to oneself is essential in making this shift, as it allows individuals to move from a state of victimhood to one of creativity and empowerment (2h13m25s).
• By making something of their situation, people can become part of the creation process and wake up from their nightmare, leading to a more positive outcome (2h13m49s).
• The concept of anxiety can be reevaluated, moving away from the idea of attacking or curing it, and instead, navigating it in a world that is increasingly anxious, by adopting a more honest, science-rooted approach (2h14m32s).
• Dr. Martha Beck's perspective on anxiety and her approach to navigating it have been helpful to many people, offering a new way of understanding and addressing this common issue (2h14m37s).
• A book is highly recommended for anyone who has resonated with the conversation, as it is fantastic and has wonderful areas where readers can engage and write in sections, making it a great resource for those struggling or suffering in various forms (2h14m55s).
• Dr. Martha Beck is thanked for the conversation, and it is expressed that it has been an honor and privilege to meet her, with hopes of having more conversations in the future (2h15m15s).
• At the end of every conversation on the Diary of a CEO, the guest is asked to leave a question, which has been turned into conversation cards that can be played at home, featuring every guest and their question, with a QR code linking to the video of the person who answered the question (2h15m35s).
• The brand new, updated version 2 of the conversation cards is now available at Theonconversationcards.com, but they have sold out twice instantly, so it is recommended to act quickly to get hold of some limited edition cards (2h16m10s).