How to Protect Your Emotional Health During the Holidays | Guy Winch | TED

Emotional First Aid During the Holidays

• The holiday season can be overwhelming, evoking various emotions such as excitement, anxiety, relief, and fear, making it essential to prioritize emotional stability during this time (25s).
• Guy Winch, a psychologist and author, emphasizes the importance of practicing emotional first aid, which involves taking care of one's emotions in the same way as physical health (1m18s).
• Emotional wounds, such as rejection, failure, heartbreak, and loneliness, can significantly impact an individual's functioning, mood, relationships, and mental state, and can be treated with the right tools and techniques (1m41s).
• The concept of emotional first aid has become more widely accepted since the pandemic, which has highlighted the importance of emotional health and its impact on daily life (2m44s).
• Despite increased awareness, emotional health is declining globally, with an epidemic of loneliness affecting teens and young adults, and high levels of stress and burnout in the workplace (3m5s).
• Emotional first aid is more crucial now than ever, especially during the holiday season, which can exacerbate emotional challenges (3m54s).
• The winter season in the Northern Hemisphere can be a difficult time for many people, with the change in light causing Seasonal Affective Disorder, a type of depression that occurs during the fall and winter months (4m5s).
• The holiday season can also be an emotionally challenging time, as people often experience emotional time travel when returning home to their families, reverting to their teenage selves and past roles within their families (4m25s).
• This time of year can be particularly difficult for those who are lonely, without family, or experiencing stress and anxiety due to the pressure to have a happy and wonderful time (4m55s).
• The aftermath of the holiday season can also be challenging, with many people seeking therapy in January to cope with the emotional fallout from family dramas and the onset of winter (5m16s).

The Aftermath of the Holidays and the Impact of Current Events

• The recent presidential election in the United States has added an extra layer of emotional fragility for some people, with the impact of the election results reverberating beyond the US (5m42s).
• Emotional first aid is an approach that emphasizes being proactive in managing one's feelings and emotional health, particularly in response to stressors such as the news, which can be a significant source of stress and anxiety (6m12s).
• The constant exposure to news on social media can be triggering for many people, and it's essential to manage this exposure and take control of when and how much news is consumed (7m16s).
• Paying attention to how one feels after reading news or social media updates is crucial, and if feelings of distress or overwhelm arise, it's essential to take them seriously and take action to mitigate them (7m32s).
• To protect emotional health, it's essential to be deliberate and intentional about exposure to stressors and take time to be present in other aspects of life to avoid feeling overwhelmed (7m39s).

Recognizing and Addressing Emotional Challenges

• Red flags for emotional challenges include changes in behavior, mental state, and emotional well-being, such as preoccupation, trouble sleeping, distraction, and decreased focus (8m15s).
• Changes in mental functioning, cognitive functioning, and emotional functioning can also indicate emotional challenges, such as mood shifts, changes in habits, and decreased productivity (9m6s).
• When changes occur, it's crucial to assess whether they are temporary or persistent and take action to reduce stresses to avoid becoming overwhelmed (9m15s).
• A key strategy for emotional first aid is to disengage from autopilot and pay attention to emotions, functioning, thinking, and behavior, and be willing to invest effort into protecting emotional health (10m10s).
• Humans often damage their emotional health through self-critical responses to situations, such as rejection or failure, which can lead to negative self-talk and decreased self-esteem (10m51s).
• When reflecting on past experiences, people tend to be overly negative, which can be damaging, and this negativity can worsen the situation, making it more hurtful than it initially was (11m15s).
• Avoiding things that cause anxiety can actually increase anxiety, as the brain registers the avoided situation as more problematic, leading to increased anxiety in the future (11m25s).
• People often have an unnatural inclination to make things worse for themselves, so it's essential to be proactive in healing emotionally and apply tools and techniques, such as thought exercises and writing exercises, to enhance and boost emotional health (11m57s).

Reflecting on the Past Year and Learning from Experiences

• To take stock of the past year in a healthy way, it's essential to reflect on both the good and the bad experiences, as this can help identify what worked and what didn't, and what can be learned from failures (12m58s).
• Reflecting on successes can help identify the tools and strategies used to achieve them, such as internal encouragement, social support, and scaffolding, which can be applied to future challenges (13m31s).
• Failures can provide valuable lessons, and it's essential to examine what went wrong and what could be done differently in the future, as people tend to repeat the same mistakes, and learning from failures can help avoid similar mistakes in the future (13m59s).
• By examining past mistakes, people can identify patterns and common errors, such as time management problems, and develop strategies to avoid them in the future (14m34s).
• When reflecting on past experiences, it's essential to analyze obstacles without self-criticism, focusing on problem-solving and finding ways to overcome them in the future (14m54s).

Planning for the Future and Setting Goals

• Breaking down self-reflection into smaller, manageable categories, such as work, social life, love life, family life, or month-by-month, can help avoid feeling overwhelmed (16m44s).
• Projecting oneself into the future and thinking about what would make them feel good in the coming year can be a helpful way to set goals and make positive changes (16m20s).

Managing Heartbreak During the Holidays

• Heartbreak is a form of grief, and managing it during the holidays requires acknowledging the pain of loss and allowing oneself to feel and process emotions (17m36s).
• The first holiday season after a loss can be particularly difficult, with many reminders of the previous year and the person who is no longer present (17m55s).
• Depending on the stage of the grieving process, it's essential to prioritize getting support, crying, and tending to the emotional wound, especially if the loss is still fresh (18m15s).
• The goal of recovery from romantic heartbreak is to give the person who caused the heartbreak less and less stage time in one's head, thinking about them less and less until the thoughts are barely present and no longer painful (18m34s).
• Activities that make one think about the person who caused the heartbreak more, such as surfing social media to see what they're doing or going through mementos, are not useful for recovery and can be painful (19m9s).
• The person who broke up with someone has likely been thinking about it for a longer time, making them ahead in the process, which can be painful for the other person to see (19m21s).
• Recovering from grief of all kinds is not a passive process, but rather an active one that requires filling the voids left behind, such as concrete things, activities, social circles, and a sense of identity (19m55s).
• Filling these voids and taking steps to actively heal can help one recover more quickly, rather than just waiting for time to pass (20m46s).

Mindful Social Media Use and Its Impact on Emotional Health

• When using social media, it's essential to be mindful of how it's being used, whether passively or actively, as passive scrolling can make one feel worse when they're already feeling down (21m28s).
• Actively engaging with people on social media, such as commenting, posting, and getting responses, can be a healthier way to use it (21m32s).
• Passive social media use, such as scrolling when feeling low, can lead to seeing only the best moments of others, which can worsen one's mood (21m47s).
• Social media can make people feel worse, especially when they're feeling lonely, as it often presents others' happiest moments, which can be misleading and make users feel lonelier and more rejected (21m58s).
• It's essential to be mindful of how social media usage affects one's emotional health and to take breaks from it when it causes distress or discomfort (22m35s).
• Setting a filter is crucial in life, not just on social media, to allow helpful things in and keep toxic things out, especially when one's filter is distorted by poor treatment from close family members (22m50s).
• When engaging with social media, it's vital to constantly monitor its impact on one's emotional health and to decide when it's okay to use it, such as waiting until being around friends or family to catch up (23m31s).

Navigating Social Gatherings and Setting Boundaries

• The holiday season can expose people to toxic influences, including family and friends, and it's essential to be proactive in curating the season to minimize stress and negative emotions (23m45s).
• For people who experience stress or strained relationships with family members during the holidays, it's crucial to be thoughtful and deliberate in planning their holiday activities, such as shortening their stay or introducing breaks (24m12s).
• Making a plan with friends to take breaks, such as going for walks, can help make the holiday season more manageable and less intense (25m1s).
• Being proactive and curating the holiday season can help make it work better for one's emotional health, rather than simply going through the motions (25m10s).
• When attending social gatherings during the holidays, it's essential to set boundaries and inform others about your needs and limitations to maintain emotional well-being (25m14s).

Supporting Employee and Student Mental Health

• Employers can play a significant role in supporting employees' mental health during the holidays by giving them a true break, free from work-related expectations and emails (25m59s).
• This break allows employees to recharge and return to work more productive, motivated, and engaged (27m25s).
• Managers can facilitate this by setting clear boundaries and expectations, such as not checking work emails or attending meetings during the break (27m10s).
• The concept of giving a true break can also be applied to other settings, such as schools and universities, to support students' mental health (26m32s).

The Power of Listening and Offering Support

• To support friends and family struggling with emotional health, the most important thing you can do is listen and offer support, even without formal training (28m11s).
• Listening and supporting others can be incredibly valuable, as it makes them feel heard, seen, and understood, which can elevate their mood and make them feel stronger (28m27s).
• When interacting with loved ones who are struggling emotionally, it's essential to be present and supportive, rather than trying to offer solutions or advice (27m53s).
• Listening to someone and validating their feelings can be a powerful gift, as it allows them to feel heard and understood, and can be done by simply giving someone space to open up and showing interest in their thoughts and feelings (28m45s).
• By listening to someone, you can show that you're interested, curious, and compassionate, which can be incredibly powerful and useful in building connections with others (28m55s).

The Benefits of Kindness and Acts of Service

• The act of kindness, including listening to others, can have a positive impact on both the giver and receiver, as it can make the giver feel connected, useful, and recharged (30m13s).
• Being kind to others can be beneficial for one's own emotional health, as it can make the person feel good about supporting others and can increase feelings of connection to others (30m31s).
• Performing acts of service, such as volunteering or donating to those in need, can also have a positive impact on emotional health, as it can make people feel connected to others and reinforce social bonds (31m26s).
• Engaging in acts of service can be an enriching experience, as it allows people to feel like they are making a positive contribution to the world and can gain benefits from doing so (32m20s).
• The benefits of kindness and acts of service can be experienced by everyone, regardless of the scale, and can be a win-win for both the giver and receiver (31m7s).
• Engaging in acts of service during the holidays can have numerous benefits, including meeting people with similar values and mindsets who are also into contributing and being kind to their communities (32m33s).

Balancing Emotional Expression and Problem-Solving Action

• Balancing the need to deal with stress-causing things and the need to put those feelings away is crucial, and it's about finding a balance between emotional expression and problem-solving action (33m8s).
• The first step in achieving this balance is the emotional step, which involves getting in touch with and expressing feelings, talking about distress, and sharing it with others to get validation and support (33m39s).
• The second step is the problem-solving step, which involves taking action to manage distress, and it can also mean thinking about the situation differently to make it less distressing (34m4s).
• This action step can help prevent co-rumination, where two people get stuck in discussing their distress without moving towards a solution (34m21s).
• Changing one's perspective on a challenging situation can also ease some of the distress, and it's an action item that can help manage distress more productively (34m54s).
• Finding a balance between emotional expression and problem-solving action is key to managing distress and making it less impactful or destructive (35m42s).

Setting Boundaries with Family and Maintaining Them

• Setting boundaries with family during the holidays can be challenging, especially when deciding not to go home, and it's essential to communicate the boundary clearly without feeling obligated to explain the reasons behind it (36m7s).
• When setting a boundary, it's not necessary to reveal the underlying reasons, such as stress or difficulty, and instead, focus on the positive aspects, like spending time with friends (36m55s).
• Maintaining the boundary is crucial, as family and friends may test it, and it's essential to redirect the conversation and avoid getting upset when this happens (37m38s).
• It's also important to be clear about expectations and maintain the boundary numerous times if necessary, without feeling the need to convince others or change their minds (38m21s).
• Boundaries are key, especially when it comes to family, and it's a challenge for many people to set and maintain them (38m47s).

Adapting to Difficult Situations and Filling Voids

• When dealing with more permanent situations, such as a family member living abroad or a lifelong restrictive condition, it's essential to develop strategies to manage emotional well-being, although specific strategies are not mentioned in this segment (39m24s).
• People tend to adapt to difficult situations, including the loss of a loved one, health decline, or children leaving home, as these are temporary stressors that become less sharp and more dull over time, allowing individuals to get used to the new situation (39m34s).
• However, if there have been significant changes in one's life, such as the loss of a loved one, a breakup, or a child leaving home, it can create a void that needs to be filled to reduce the feeling of acute pain and stress (40m28s).
• To fill this void, it's essential to recognize what is missing and adapt to the new circumstances, which can help make the pain less acute and more chronic over time (40m49s).

Coping with Negative Energy in Competitive Environments

• For empaths in intensely competitive environments, it can be challenging to cope with the negative energy of peers, and techniques to stop anxious loops may not always work (41m19s).
• To disrupt an anxiety loop, it's crucial to reframe the situation in one's head, gaining emotional distance from the experience, and trying not to anticipate difficulties, which can increase sensitivity to the situation (42m20s).
• Reframing the situation involves viewing the behavior of others, such as colleagues, as just being boisterous or having fun, rather than taking it personally, to reduce the feeling of being directly affected (42m47s).
• Lisa, who asked for advice, can try these techniques to interrupt her anxiety loop when around peers whose energy might be negatively affecting her (41m19s).
• To protect emotional health during difficult situations, it's essential to maintain boundaries and have defenses up, rather than being resigned and vulnerable, allowing for a more controlled interaction with challenging individuals (43m3s).
• Balancing interactions with difficult people can be achieved by finding quieter spaces, using distractions like earphones, or seeking out quieter individuals to minimize the impact of stressful situations (43m32s).
• If necessary, it's acceptable to communicate needs to others, such as requiring quiet time, without appearing judgmental or disconnected from the group (44m1s).

The Importance of Boundaries and Defenses

• Setting boundaries is crucial in maintaining emotional health, as it allows individuals to communicate their needs and establish limits in various environments, including the workplace (44m30s).
• The need for emotional first aid has increased over the years, with rising stress and insecurity levels in humanity, partly due to natural tendencies to mismanage emotional health, leading to a vicious cycle of worsening situations (44m47s).
• When under stress, individuals are more impacted by stressful events, leading to less effective coping mechanisms and a decreased ability to set boundaries, further exacerbating the situation (45m43s).

The Vicious Cycle of Stress, Insecurity, and Loneliness

• Loneliness is a significant example of this cycle, as it can lead to perceptual distortions, making existing relationships seem less meaningful, and further contributing to the worsening of emotional health (46m23s).
• When people feel down, they tend to overestimate the negative aspects of social interactions and underestimate the value of the people who care about them, leading to a decrease in social connections and an increase in feelings of loneliness (46m35s).
• This cycle of negative thinking and social withdrawal can be difficult to break, as it takes courage and a leap of faith to put oneself in situations that can help improve their emotional state (47m30s).
• People who are depressed or feeling down often lack the motivation to engage in social activities, even though they may feel better after doing so, and may need to force themselves to take action (47m48s).
• Isolating and withdrawing from social interactions can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and depression, and it's essential to make an effort to override the negative thoughts and feelings that may be holding you back (48m8s).

Prioritizing Emotional Health and Setting Realistic Goals

• To improve emotional health, it's recommended to focus on one specific goal or habit, such as practicing gratitude, mindful meditation, or kindness, and create a detailed plan to achieve it (49m53s).
• It's also important to recognize that it's normal to feel overwhelmed or struggling with emotional health, and that taking small steps towards improvement can be beneficial, even if it's not in January, but at any time of the year (48m32s).
• To achieve a New Year's resolution, it's essential to make a plan, figure out what stands in the way, and problem-solve each obstacle, as it takes strategy, planning, and effort to succeed (50m2s).
• People often struggle with resolutions because they don't define when they'll start or how they'll achieve their goals, leading to a lack of direction and motivation (50m3s).
• To overcome this, it's crucial to identify the things that will prevent success and make a list of potential obstacles, then develop a plan to overcome each one (50m23s).

Developing a Positive Internal Voice and Self-Compassion

• Having a positive internal voice is vital for emotional health, as it can help individuals approach themselves with respect, expectation, and compassion (51m20s).
• This internal voice can be developed by reparenting oneself and adopting a voice that is understanding, patient, and supportive, rather than critical or negative (51m43s).
• Having a positive internal voice can help individuals hold themselves to their expectations and goals, while also being kind and compassionate when they make mistakes (52m11s).

Taking Responsibility for Emotional Health and Making a Plan

• The key takeaway from the conversation is that emotional health is possible and doable, but it requires being informed and willing to put in the effort to achieve it (53m24s).
• This effort involves being proactive, taking responsibility for one's emotional health, and being willing to work on developing a positive internal voice and overcoming obstacles (53m35s).
• To prioritize emotional health, it is essential to dedicate time and effort to self-improvement, similar to how people spend time at the gym to improve physical health, and realize that one can change their feelings, thoughts, and life by taking themselves seriously and doing what is best for them (53m55s).

Upcoming Book on Managing Work-Related Stress and Promoting Emotional Health

• A new book titled "Mind Over Grind: How to Break Free When Work Hijacks Your Life" will be released in about a year, focusing on being thoughtful, intentional, and proactive to achieve emotional health and productivity at work (54m31s).
• The book aims to provide a manual for the human mind to minimize stress and promote healthier work habits, emphasizing that individuals do not have to wait for companies to change, but can take action themselves to reduce the grind by being smarter and more mindful (55m11s).