Intimacy | Diya Naidu | TEDxNitteDU

Defining Intimacy

• Intimacy is defined as the ability to feel into another person, receive or be received by another, and feel safe enough to be vulnerable in their presence, as experienced through a personal memory of sleeping next to a loved one (25s).
• To access this definition, one is invited to remember a person they love to sleep next to, such as a grandparent, pet, parent, sibling, life partner, or friend, and relive the feelings and sensations associated with that experience (42s).
• The sensations and feelings experienced in this memory are the definition of intimacy, which includes the warmth of another person's body, their smell, and the awkward moments that come with physical closeness (1m11s).
• The definition of intimacy is also reflected in the images from the work "Rosak Touch," an intimate immersive movement theater piece created with performers whose bodies have been longtime collaborators in the research (2m0s).

The Nature of Intimacy

• Intimacy is a physiological need, a tool for joyful and healthy living, and a social superpower, but it can also be a tool for resistance (4m34s).
• The research on intimacy is artistic and embodied, coming through the body and archived in the body, and is collective, anecdotal, and subjective, offering an invitation rather than a declaration of fact (3m34s).
• The researcher, Diya Naidu, is a choreographer and dancer who has been researching intimacy in the context of touch since 2014 (3m11s).
• Intimacy involves an inner movement that requires going inward before pushing outward, and this inner movement is a prerequisite for intimacy (5m19s).

Embodiment vs. Disembodiment

• Embodiment is the state of being fully present and aware in one's body, and it is essential for intimacy, as it allows individuals to live through their bodies and be aware of their sensations, feelings, and decisions (6m12s).
• Disembodiment, on the other hand, benefits capitalism and consumerism, as it leads to a disconnection from one's body and the natural world (6m2s).
• When individuals are disembodied, they are more likely to engage in unhealthy behaviors such as stress eating, fast fashion retail obsession, and other forms of consumerism (5m53s).
• Being embodied allows individuals to make choices that safeguard not just their own health but also the health of the planet, such as choosing to do yoga, cook a meal, or take a walk in the park instead of engaging in consumerist behaviors (7m49s).
• Embodiment and intimacy with nature can help individuals develop a sense of connection with the natural world and recognize that bodies need other bodies, making it harder to engage in behaviors that harm the environment (8m29s).
• This intimacy with nature can also help destabilize the learned separation from nature that commodification thrives on, and it can be an invitation to say no to ruthless buying and consumerism (9m19s).
• Ultimately, intimacy and embodiment can lead to a deeper sense of connection with the planet and other species, and it can be a powerful tool for creating positive change in the world (9m32s).

The Skin and Integration

• In a time of increasing separations and discriminations, the body becomes an important tool for nonseparation and integration of opposing ideas (9m55s).
• The skin is a site for the integration of worlds of opposing ideas, as it can comfortably have multiple experiences (10m11s).
• The skin is the first sense organ to develop in the womb and is the interface where a baby first encounters the distinction between self and other (10m32s).
• The skin serves as a boundary between the self and the world, but also as a connector, allowing individuals to be in the world and experience its sensations (11m12s).
• The body is able to hold multiple realities without conflict, making embodied practice, particularly intimacy, a tool for resistance (11m53s).
• In a moment where individuals are compelled to declare their stance on various issues, the body speaks the language of "and," allowing for multiple emotions and experiences to coexist (12m12s).
• The skin is like an archive or encyclopedia of the life lived, with every mark, scar, and bruise having a story behind it (12m34s).
• Reflecting on a mark on one's skin can bring a sense of presence and connection to the past, highlighting the skin's ability to be both past and present (13m16s).

Beyond Touch and Romance

• Intimacy is not just about touch, and touch is not just about romance, despite common media portrayals (13m33s).
• The media often hijacks intimacy, portraying touch as either violent or aggressive, and neglecting other forms of touch and intimacy (13m47s).
• Intimacy is a nuanced and complex experience that cannot be replicated by the "boom boom zoom zoom" portrayals often seen on screen, and it requires a deep connection with one's own body and sensations (14m26s).

Disembodiment and Reconnecting

• In today's world, people are often disembodied due to their reliance on gadgets and technology, making it difficult for them to feel their own heartbeat, skin sensations, and boundaries (14m35s).
• To truly feel into another person's thoughts, sensations, and pleasure, one must first be able to feel into their own body, which is why prioritizing sensitivity and being an ally is crucial, especially in times of violence against women and queer people (15m5s).

Forms of Intimacy and Memory

• Intimacy is not just about physical touch, but also about shared experiences, such as a high five, shared coffee, or solidarity, and the body remembers these moments of intimacy as well as the lack of touch and feelings of danger and unsafety (15m38s).
• The body also remembers instructions and warnings given to it, such as "don't talk to strangers" and "be careful," which can create a sense of fear and ninja mode, and this fear is often used by leaders and dictators to divide and rule people (15m59s).
• Every act of separation in human communities, whether it's minority hating, gentrification, or genocide, has fear-mongering at its root, and creating a performance or workshop that allows people to feel their own body and sensations can be a political act of resistance (16m44s).
• The goal of creating such a performance or workshop is to allow people to be vulnerable in each other's presence, acknowledge their shared fragility, and recognize that they are not out to get each other, which can be a powerful act of resistance and intimacy (17m10s).
• Intimacy can be a tool of resistance, and it can be used to create a sense of safety and connection with strangers, which can be a powerful antidote to the fear and ninja mode that is often present in the world (17m22s).

Strange Intimacies Performance

• The performance "Strange Intimacies" is a 2.5-hour solo event that aims to create a safe and non-judgmental space for strangers to connect and experience intimacy, and it begins with the participant receiving a personal letter from the performer (18m17s).
• A performer shares an anecdote about a young man who signed up for an intimacy session in 2020, where they had a special and safe experience together, which the young man later described as cathartic in an email (18m55s).
• The performer received a second email from the young man, which they didn't notice initially due to being busy with the pandemic, where he talked about connecting with trees during the lockdowns and sent a photograph of his favorite tree (20m13s).
• The performer later found out that the young man had been killed in a tragic accident and felt grief and guilt, but realized that the second email was a gift from the young man to his sister through the performer (20m37s).
• The performer hopes to take the young man's sister to his favorite tree, where they can come together in his honor and touch him again, even if only for a brief moment (21m11s).
• The performer believes that strange intimacies can bring personal quantum moments that couldn't have been imagined, and wishes the audience the deepest and strangest of intimacies and embodiment (21m48s).