Orgasm Queen: Do This For 20 Minutes Before Having Sex & Have Sex With Them Like When You First Met!

Intro (0s)

• There are over 20 kinds of orgasms that people can experience, including a specific type referred to as the "queen of orgasms" that can be achieved through specific techniques not typically shown in pornography (2s).
• Dr. Susan Bratton is a world-renowned sex specialist and best-selling author of over 30 books and programs, with expertise that has empowered millions to master pleasuring techniques, bedroom communication, and unlock their true sexual potential (28s).
• Dr. Bratton focused on sex as a career after experiencing difficulties with orgasm during intercourse in her own marriage, which is a common problem many people face (42s).
• Dr. Bratton has developed 48 sex techniques that she teaches, including methods she loves to teach men, as well as the use of specific toys and devices (1m6s).
• The discussion is based on questions sent in by the audience, and the host asks for support by subscribing to the show in order to continue providing high-quality content and responding to feedback (1m29s).
• A significant percentage of the audience, 53%, has not yet subscribed to the show, and the host requests their support by hitting the Subscribe button (1m33s).

What Do You Do and Why Do You Do It? (2m4s)

• Susan teaches passionate love-making techniques through various media, including books, programs, and audios (2m5s).
• Her motivation for doing this work is her passion for passion, and she aims to promote a unique brand of sexual education (2m17s).
• This brand of sexual education focuses on heart-connected, conscious, passionate love-making, which distinguishes it from transactional sex or sex that resembles pornography (2m23s).

Advice for Someone Struggling With Their Sex Life (2m36s)

• When individuals struggle with their sex life, it's essential to understand their vision and expectations for a fulfilling sex life, as sex is a vast and personal landscape (2m37s).
• People often worry that there's something wrong with them if their sex life isn't as good as they want it to be, but this concern can be addressed by learning passionate love-making techniques and improving bedroom communication (3m17s).
• A key aspect of resolving sex life struggles is understanding how to have open and honest communication with one's partner, knowing what you want, and asking for it without making your partner feel like they've done anything wrong (3m52s).
• Learning about pleasuring techniques, how the body works, and the possibilities of sex can also help, as many people are unaware of the various options available due to the censorship of sex (4m18s).
• There are over 20 kinds of orgasms that individuals can experience, and understanding this can help people explore their sexual potential and improve their sex life (4m27s).
• By understanding the communication and pleasure aspects of sex, individuals can begin to try new things and work towards achieving their desired sex life (4m54s).

Common Questions Women Ask About Sex (4m57s)

• Women often email with concerns about their libido, feeling guilty, and unhappy with their sex life, as exemplified by an email from a woman named Suzanne. (4m57s)
• Common questions from women about sex typically involve feelings of low libido, disinterest in sex, and feelings of guilt or unhappiness. (5m11s)
• Women may also express concerns about feeling unfulfilled or uncertain if their feelings or actions are right, indicating a sense of self-doubt and insecurity. (5m23s)

Common Questions Men Ask About Sex (5m35s)

• Men commonly ask about sexual biohacking, erectile dysfunction, penis enlargement, and male enhancement, with the most frequent concern being that there is something wrong with their penis (5m55s).
• Many men also reach out with feelings of shame around their desires or frustrations with their partner, seeking advice on how to have the kind of sex they want (6m12s).
• People, both men and women, often contact for help in fixing problems related to the quality of their sex life (6m25s).

Quality vs. Quantity in Relationships (6m27s)

• In relationships, quality is generally considered more important than quantity, as fixing quality can also address quantity issues (6m30s).
• Quality is prioritized over quantity, and it is believed that quality comes before quantity in relationships (6m35s).

Susan’s Journey to Becoming a Sexpert (6m41s)

• Susan's journey to becoming a sex expert was atypical, as it's not a typical career path studied in college, and she didn't branch into it from a psychology degree (6m41s).
• At the age of 42, Susan went on a sexual expansion journey and started her company shortly after, marking a significant shift in her career focus (6m54s).
• Prior to this, Susan's career had been focused on various other things, particularly in high tech, where she and her husband, Tim, were successful in Silicon Valley, with Tim inventing the first version of Spotify (7m8s).
• Susan had been married to Tim for 33 years and, despite their successful careers and beautiful family, their marriage had become platonic, with Susan avoiding sex due to her inability to have an orgasm from intercourse (7m17s).
• Susan had experienced sexual trauma as a child, which she believes is a common issue affecting many people, including both women and men, and can lead to difficulties in their sex lives (8m5s).
• Susan could have an orgasm from using a vibrator but not from intercourse, which contributed to her avoidance of sex with her husband (8m0s).

Lessons From Overcoming Sexual Trauma (8m35s)

• Sexual trauma can teach individuals about their inner selves, power, and sovereignty, and that no one can take away who they are, as it did for the individual in question (8m35s).
• Healing from trauma requires both talk therapy and empathy from someone, as well as somatic release or physical body release (8m56s).
• Trauma can become a person's greatest gift, as it did for the individual, who transformed their traumatic experience into a positive outcome (9m8s).
• The individual always enjoyed sex and refused to let their traumatic experience negatively impact their sex life (9m22s).
• However, the individual experienced dissociation during intimacy, which involves emotionally leaving the scene while remaining physically present (9m30s).
• Dissociation during intimacy prevents individuals from forming a heart connection with their partner, finding their humanity in their lover, and connecting with a higher power or "Source" (9m34s).

What Is Dissociation in Sexual Contexts? (9m52s)

• Dissociation in a sexual context refers to a state where an individual physically goes through the motions but is not emotionally present, often serving as protection against being hurt again (10m1s).
• Dissociation can be overcome by learning new skills and techniques, such as those taught in sex workshops, Tantra workshops, and other forms of sex education (10m29s).
• Sex workshops and education can help individuals learn how to have sex that is not just intercourse, but also encompasses other forms of intimacy and connection (10m33s).
• Various workshops and programs, such as those from the Human Awareness Institute, Ecstatic Loving, and Orgasmic Meditation, can provide individuals with the skills and knowledge to improve their sex lives (10m45s).
• Mainstream media, such as film and pornography, often portray male-dominated and repressed styles of sex, rather than female-focused, heart-connected, and blissful sex (11m13s).
• The lack of good examples of passionate and connected lovemaking in mainstream media can make it difficult for individuals to learn and experience healthy and fulfilling sex (11m8s).
• Online programs and courses can provide a more accessible and less intimidating way for individuals to learn about sex and intimacy, especially for those who may not be able to attend in-person workshops (12m16s).
• Tim, the speaker's husband, helped her overcome dissociation and work on their sex life together, and they eventually began creating online programs to help others improve their sex lives (10m20s).

Susan’s Personal Struggles With Her Sex Life (12m38s)

• Susan's sex life with her partner, Tim, had declined over time, and they were not having sex as frequently as they used to, especially after the initial "new relationship energy" had worn off (12m38s).
• When they first met, they had a lot of sex, but it was mostly intercourse-focused, which Susan describes as "grab a boob and stick it in" (12m51s).
• Susan believes that to have great, mutually pleasurable sex, one needs to learn a few key skills, and she teaches intercourse skills because that's what is often modeled in the world (13m14s).
• She thinks that sex is like a "little hinge that swings a big door," meaning that small changes can make a big difference, and she wants to help people understand that they can improve their sex lives by learning new skills (13m42s).
• Susan disagrees with the idea that some women are "broken" and can't have orgasms from intercourse, and she believes that anyone can learn to have great sex and close the "orgasm gap" (14m7s).
• She thinks that people should keep learning new skills and not miss out on other aspects of sex, which includes foreplay, intimacy, and connection (14m36s).
• Susan dislikes the idea that there's a distinction between "foreplay" and "sex," which she thinks comes from religious repression, and she believes that sex encompasses a wide range of activities, including kissing, touching, and oral pleasure (14m53s).
• She thinks that sex should be a holistic experience that includes words of appreciation, adoration, and encouragement, and that it can involve trying new things, like playing with toys or having sex in new locations (15m9s).

Are You Offering Mercy Sex? (15m49s)

• A person had stopped having sex with their partner, leading to a significant decrease in intimacy, and was only engaging in what they call "Mercy sex" about once or twice a month, or every week to 10 days, out of obligation rather than desire (15m56s).
• Mercy sex is described as giving in to a partner's needs out of pity, to prevent them from becoming miserable, rather than a genuine interest in intimacy (16m0s).
• The person felt guilty about not wanting to have sex, while their partner was confused and wondered if they had married a lesbian due to the lack of interest (16m22s).
• At the beginning of the relationship, the couple did have sex, but it was often due to the excitement of a new relationship, rather than genuine skill or knowledge of each other's needs (16m32s).
• A program called "Revive Her Drive" was created to help couples rekindle their intimacy, but it's emphasized that it only works if sex was previously good and has since declined, rather than if sex was never good to begin with (16m47s).
• The program aims to educate men on how to understand and meet their partner's needs, rather than simply trying to "fix" their partner, and has been successful in helping couples improve their intimacy (17m13s).

Steps to Healing Sexual Trauma (17m34s)

• Healing from sexual trauma involves working with a therapist, such as a sexual trauma therapist, and exploring different methods like the circling method and somatic therapy, which helped in a relatively quick recovery, although this may not be the case for everyone due to factors like genetic predispositions and serotonin pathways (17m42s).
• Some individuals may struggle to overcome trauma due to their genetic makeup, which can make it feel like a fresh wound every time they think about it, but having behavioral flexibility and being comfortable in discomfort can aid in the healing process (18m41s).
• Writing down every single sexual trauma, injustice, frustration, wound, hurt, pain, and experience can be a helpful step in the healing process, as it allows individuals to confront and process their emotions with the guidance of a therapist (19m11s).
• Sharing these experiences with a therapist can be beneficial, as it provides a safe space for individuals to be heard and validated, helping them to move forward and put their past behind them (19m34s).
• It's essential to note that everyone's healing process is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another, so it's crucial to find the right type of therapy and approach that suits individual needs (20m5s).
• While healing from trauma is a personal process, learning about how to have fulfilling and enjoyable sex can be a separate area of study and exploration, which can be pursued once the underlying issues have been addressed (20m13s).

Identifying Problems in Your Relationship (20m34s)

• A problem was identified in a relationship, and the awareness of this issue led to seeking the help of a therapist (20m34s).
• The therapist asked about the couple's sex life, which led to unpacking and healing the underlying issues (21m1s).
• The therapist's inquiry about the individual's sex life revealed a history of injustices and traumatic experiences that were at the heart of many challenges (21m17s).
• The individual shared their experiences, which, although not unique, were significant in understanding the root of the problems (21m21s).
• The individual's courage to discuss sensitive topics openly was a key factor in addressing the issues, as many people feel embarrassed to talk about such things (21m35s).
• The individual acknowledged that they are not special, but rather relatable to others, and that their willingness to discuss their experiences is what sets them apart (21m29s).

Exploring Sex Injustice and Trauma (21m41s)

• Factors that can impact sex drive due to sexual injustice and trauma include never knowing how one's body parts work, understanding sex as bad or shameful, and lack of knowledge about sex from parents or caregivers (21m41s).
• Some people may struggle with the fact that their parents never discussed or demonstrated sex, leading to a repressed or stoic upbringing that can impact their sex life (22m12s).
• It's essential to acknowledge that parents often did the best they could with the knowledge they had, and it's not their job to manage one's sexuality or sex life (22m38s).
• Taking ownership of one's sex life and considering it a personal responsibility can help individuals move past trauma and victim mentality (22m53s).
• Trauma can also stem from abuse, repression, shame, or lack of knowledge, which can create fear and hinder pleasure (23m18s).
• Fear is the enemy of pleasure, and educating oneself about their body and pleasure can help overcome this fear (23m25s).
• Understanding the difference between nature (how one's body works) and nurture (environmental influences on sexuality) is crucial in addressing sex-related trauma (23m39s).
• Recognizing the differences between male and female arousal can significantly improve sex and intimacy with a partner (23m49s).
• Applying the "Platinum Rule" – treating one's partner the way they need to be treated, rather than how one wants to be treated – can also enhance sex and intimacy (24m11s).

Affair in Susan’s Marriage: A Discussion (24m15s)

• Susan's husband, Tim, had an affair with a woman who was also in a sexless marriage, and he confessed to Susan about the relationship, which initially made her feel shame and guilt, thinking it was her fault for not being a good wife (24m20s).
• However, Susan later realized that Tim was trying to cope with the lack of pleasure and connection in their marriage, and his actions were not a personal attack on her (24m59s).
• Susan notes that sex is a bell curve, and she typically addresses the average couple, not those at the extremes, and in their case, Tim's affair was a symptom of their mutual problem – a lack of knowledge about each other's bodies and desires (25m25s).
• When Tim confessed, Susan initially considered separating, but a moment with their 6-year-old daughter, who asked if Tim would still be her daddy, made Susan realize she couldn't ruin their daughter's life and that she loved Tim (27m19s).
• Susan and Tim decided to work on their issues, attending therapy and sex workshops, which helped them resolve their problems and improve their sex life within months (28m35s).
• Susan credits Tim as her rock, supporting her and allowing her to help others, and she acknowledges that she couldn't have done better than him as a partner (27m45s).

Understanding Non-Monogamy (28m46s)

• Non-monogamous relationships can be challenging, but they can also be rewarding and fun, as experienced by the individual who opened their relationship with their husband after many years of monogamy (28m48s).
• Non-monogamy is a broad term that encompasses various relationship dynamics, including ethical non-monogamy, consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, lifestyles, swinging, and relationship anarchy (29m29s).
• The individual has been in an open relationship with their husband for over 20 years, and they were guided by people in their 70s and 80s who are still in open relationships, teaching them how to maintain physical and emotional safety (29m51s).
• Relationship anarchy is a term used to describe a specific branch of non-monogamy, which is the individual's current preferred flavor of non-monogamy (30m18s).
• The key aspect of non-monogamy is that it's essential to prioritize physical and emotional safety, and to engage in safe sex practices, which can be learned and implemented (31m8s).
• The individual emphasizes that they are not promoting their lifestyle as better than others, but rather sharing their experiences and expertise in the realm of sex and relationships (30m38s).
• The individual's extensive experience with multiple partners has allowed them to develop expertise in being better in bed and having incredible experiences while maintaining safety (31m1s).

How to Start Conversations About Sex With Your Partner (31m20s)

• Figuring out how to have conversations about sex with a partner can be a significant challenge in most relationships, as it may lead to defensiveness or hurt feelings (31m20s).
• One approach that helped save a marriage was adopting the practice of radical honesty, as described in Brad Blandon's book, which involves being completely truthful with each other (31m48s).
• Radical honesty can be painful, but it can also be liberating and exciting, as it allows partners to understand each other's desires, boundaries, and flaws (32m41s).
• When expressing honesty, it's essential to do so with love and kindness, rather than meanness, to avoid hurting each other's feelings (32m50s).
• Instead of being brutally honest, partners can express their concerns in a more supportive and caring manner, such as expressing worry about their partner's health rather than criticizing their appearance (33m21s).
• By being honest and open about their boundaries, desires, and flaws, partners can love each other more fully and respect each other's needs (33m38s).
• Radical honesty also allows partners to accept that they may not be compatible, and that's okay, as it's better to be honest about their differences than to pretend to be someone they're not (33m58s).

Becoming Polyamorous: Susan’s Story (34m2s)

• Susan and her partner, Tim, started exploring polyamory after attending workshops where they experienced group activities, including sensation play and receiving positive affirmations from others, known as an "angel shower" (34m4s).
• The idea of becoming polyamorous was a mutual decision, as they had both been exposed to these experiences and wanted to explore them further (34m12s).
• Susan recalls a workshop where she was part of a group of four people, with one person receiving sensation and the other three giving it, while also sharing things they loved and appreciated about the person (34m21s).
• The experience of receiving an "angel shower" from a group of people can be powerful, as it becomes difficult to negate the kindness and positive affirmations being shared (35m0s).
• Susan and Tim have been playing a game called "three things I love about you" for decades, where they take turns sharing things they appreciate about each other, with the rule of never repeating the same thing twice (35m23s).
• This game has helped them cultivate a deeper sense of love and appreciation for each other, and Susan often requests that Tim play this game with her before their lovemaking dates as a way to feel reassured and loved (35m37s).
• By focusing on what they love about each other, Susan and Tim have found that they are more in love and less judgmental, both with each other and with others (36m10s).

First Question From the Audience (36m20s)

• Eliza, a mother of two in her 40s, is struggling to find intimacy with her partner due to disconnection and lack of quality time together, often feeling like they're just "passing like ships in the night" (36m58s).
• Eliza's situation is not unique, as many couples experience a decline in intimacy during the child-rearing years, with exhaustion and lack of sleep taking a toll on their relationship (38m19s).
• As people age, their priorities and perspectives on sex and relationships change, with those in their 40s often realizing they need to "fight for their sex life" and those in their 50s and 60s seeking to make the most of their remaining years (39m0s).
• Eliza's body changes, particularly after having children, have made her feel uncomfortable and disconnected from her own body, leading to body image issues and feelings of being less desirable (39m42s).
• Estrogen, a hormone that protects women, can also contribute to body image issues and self-judgment, making women more critical of themselves and their bodies (40m21s).
• Eliza's husband is likely feeling disconnected and overwhelmed, unsure of how to reconnect with his wife, highlighting the need for skills and mindfulness in maintaining intimacy (41m4s).
• Sex is described as a mindfulness practice that requires connection to one's heart and partner, with a focus on the present moment rather than physical appearance (41m26s).
• Prioritizing self-care, stress reduction, and intimacy is essential, especially during times of exhaustion and stress, as it can help individuals reconnect with their partners and themselves (41m51s).

Overcoming Body Image Issues in Relationships (42m7s)

• Body image issues in relationships often stem from the woman expressing unhappiness with her own body, while her partner usually finds her attractive and is satisfied with her appearance (42m7s).
• The partner often reassures the woman that she looks great and that her appearance was a factor in their initial attraction (42m22s).
• In contrast, men rarely express dissatisfaction with their own bodies due to the effects of testosterone, which can create a more positive self-image (42m28s).
• Testosterone is associated with a "warrior" mindset, characterized by single-minded focus and confidence, whereas estrogen is linked to multitasking and a more critical self-perception (42m32s).
• As a result, men tend to have a more favorable view of themselves, while women often have a more critical view of their own bodies (42m55s).
• This disparity in self-perception can contribute to body image issues in relationships, with women often feeling they look worse than they do and men feeling they look better than they do (42m57s).

Reconnecting With Your Partner: Two Proven Techniques (43m1s)

• Reconnecting with a partner can be achieved through two proven techniques, which are essential in recocreating a connection that may have been lost over time, allowing for multiple renaissances in a relationship throughout the years (43m1s).
• One technique is called the "Sexual Soulmate Pact," an agreement between partners where one can express their desires and feelings without fear of criticism, allowing the other partner to understand their needs and provide what is required (43m47s).
• The pact involves being open about one's desires, whether it's needing to be held and comforted or wanting to be ravished and intimate, and the partner's role is to provide what is needed without taking it as criticism (43m50s).
• Starting with holding and being held is essential, as it generates oxytocin, which counteracts the effects of cortisol caused by stress and other factors, and is a crucial step in reconnecting with a partner (44m42s).
• The first step is to have a conversation about the pact, and the second step is to simply hold each other, which can be done without conversation, allowing partners to reconnect and generate oxytocin (45m8s).
• Men can be taught to provide a "menu of small offers" to their partner, allowing them to choose what they need in that moment, whether it's comfort, intimacy, or something else (45m21s).
• The female arousal system is slow and requires time to warm up, often taking 15-20 minutes, especially if it's been a long time between intimate sessions, and men should focus on helping their partner relax and calm down rather than rushing to achieve orgasm (46m0s).
• Holding and comforting a partner can help them relax and feel safe, allowing them to reconnect and feel good about their partner again (46m40s).

How Comparisons Hurt Intimacy in Relationships (46m47s)

• Using the word "should" in relationships can be corrosive, as it often implies an external comparison to others, leading to feelings of guilt and harm in one's relationship (46m47s).
• Comparing oneself to others or past relationships can cause significant harm and guilt, and banning such comparisons can be beneficial for a relationship (47m10s).
• In a current relationship, banning comparisons and not speaking about unmet needs through the lens of others or past relationships has been helpful (47m21s).
• To rekindle intimacy, starting small and acknowledging the current stage of the relationship can be beneficial, such as acknowledging the challenges of having kids and wanting more intimacy (47m52s).
• Making small offers and taking small steps towards intimacy, such as setting up a romantic atmosphere and offering relaxation and affection, can help rekindle intimacy without pressure (48m7s).
• Focusing on relaxation, affection, and connection, rather than intercourse, can help reduce pressure and allow for a more natural progression of intimacy (48m35s).
• Communicating openly and honestly about desires and boundaries, and being willing to take things slowly and see how it goes, can be an effective way to rekindle intimacy in a relationship (48m51s).

Why There Shouldn’t Be Pressure Around Sex (48m53s)

• Pressure around sex can cause stress and prevent a person from getting into a romantic or intimate state, but removing this pressure allows the body to go into arousal and connection, feel safe and relaxed, and become turned on (48m54s).
• Effective communication is essential in removing pressure and addressing issues related to sex, as not discussing the topic can lead to awkwardness and compound the problem (49m24s).
• Failing to communicate about sex can result in situations where both partners are thinking about the issue but not discussing it, leading to feelings of anxiety and potentially pretending to sleep to avoid the conversation (49m40s).
• Removing pressure, blame, and judgment around sex is crucial in creating a safe and open environment for discussion and intimacy (50m1s).
• People may be hesitant to discuss their feelings about sex due to the risk of the other person leaving, being mad, or not wanting to work through the issue together (50m12s).
• Admitting to having a problem with sex can be difficult, especially when the solution is unknown, making it challenging for individuals to openly discuss their issues (50m25s).

Exploring Erotic Playdates (50m30s)

• Erotic playdates are a way to have fun and create erotic adventures in a relationship, moving away from the pressure of just having intercourse (50m31s).
• When people think about their sexuality as not just about intercourse, but as a way to have fun and try new things, they can take the pressure off and have more intercourse (51m18s).
• Good sex is an equation that is half safety and security, and half variety and novelty, with a foundation of trust, safety, and good communication (51m46s).
• Adding novelty and erotic adventures to a relationship can help keep the sex life exciting and prevent boredom (52m21s).
• Having a foundation of trust and safety allows partners to communicate openly and try new things together (52m30s).
• Creating a sex life bucket list can help partners identify new things they want to try and look forward to (53m8s).
• A sex life bucket list can include 48 sexy ideas, such as lingerie photo shoots, finding the G-spot, and trying new sex toys (53m13s).
• Partners can use a printout and video to go through the list and identify their A's (must-try ideas), B's (willing to try), and C's (not interested) (53m37s).
• As individuals mature, their sexual development and preferences may change, and what was once not appealing may become desirable (54m8s).

What to Do When Your Partner Mocks Your Sexual Fantasies (54m25s)

• When a partner mocks or dismisses one's sexual fantasies, it can be disappointing and make the person feel like they're not being heard or understood (54m25s).
• In such situations, it's essential to understand that the partner's reaction might be due to fear or lack of knowledge, and education can help alleviate these concerns (55m29s).
• To educate a partner, one can approach the conversation by expressing their own desires and suggesting a fun and exploratory experience, such as visiting a sex toy store together (55m35s).
• If the partner still expresses disinterest, it's crucial to ask open-ended questions to understand their concerns and address them in a non-judgmental manner (56m1s).
• It's also important to reassure the partner that exploring new things in the bedroom is not about replacing them, but rather about adding new experiences to the relationship (56m5s).
• Using everyday examples, such as using tools for convenience and pleasure, can help illustrate the idea that sex toys are just tools for pleasure (56m27s).
• If the partner is still not interested in sex toys, it's essential to respect their boundaries and explore other options, such as creating a sex life bucket list together (56m44s).
• By meeting the partner where they are and exploring new experiences together, couples can strengthen their connection and intimacy (56m55s).

Managing Communication Between Opposite Sexes in Relationships (57m4s)

• A former partner once mentioned that people over 50 can still have great sex, which emphasizes the importance of maintaining a healthy sex life regardless of age (57m5s).
• Stereotypes and expectations can be corrosive to sexual exploration and openness in relationships, highlighting the need for honest communication and understanding (57m21s).
• The concept of "sex languages" is introduced, suggesting that individuals may have different preferences and desires when it comes to sex, which can sometimes be in opposition to their partner's (57m51s).
• The idea of "erotic blueprints" is discussed, which categorizes individuals into five different sexual archetypes, similar to the concept of love languages (58m20s).
• Understanding one's own erotic blueprint can be a good starting point, but it's also important to be open to trying new things and stepping out of one's comfort zone to become more confident in one's sexuality (58m47s).
• Being willing to learn and adapt can help individuals become more versatile and confident in their sexual preferences, whether that means learning to take control or surrender (59m2s).

How Safety and Novelty Create Desire (59m23s)

• The combination of safety and novelty creates desire, and having a large number of new ideas is essential for a long-lasting relationship, as a person living for 100 years would need a lot of new ideas to keep things exciting (59m24s).
• Having a partner who is open to trying new things can be very fun, and it's essential to have a partner who is willing to say "yes" to new ideas and experiences (59m35s).
• When going on a date, whether with one partner or multiple partners, it's helpful to sit down and discuss what everyone is in the mood for and come up with a game plan, but also be open to changing plans and following desires (1h0m2s).
• Being comfortable with one's partner allows for listening to one's "animal" and following desires, rather than sticking to a prescribed plan (1h0m43s).
• Humans are part of the great apes and are subject to various factors such as sugar intake, stress, and exercise, which can affect desires and moods during intimate experiences (1h0m53s).
• It's essential to approach each intimate experience without a prescribed plan and instead see what one's appetite and desires are in the moment (1h1m26s).
• Being open to trying new things, such as new toys or locations, can help keep things exciting and follow one's desires (1h1m42s).

Overcoming Early Ejaculation (1h1m53s)

• Premature ejaculation or performance anxiety affects one in four men of all ages, making it a common issue that many men face (1h2m41s).
• The Me Breath technique, developed by Jim Benson, helps men attain ejaculatory choice, allowing them to ejaculate when they want to, rather than due to a lack of control (1h2m57s).
• The Me Breath technique uses three main components: a squeeze of the PC muscle (pubococcygeus muscle), a cool draw breath, and a pelvic rock or thrust (1h3m52s).
• The pelvic rock helps men relax and move away from the typical piston-like motion during intercourse, which can accelerate ejaculation (1h4m14s).
• Practicing the Me Breath technique during masturbation can help men slow down their arousal and gain more control over ejaculation (1h4m50s).
• The mental component of premature ejaculation is also addressed through sematic techniques that help men stay present and focused on the moment, rather than worrying about past experiences or performance anxiety (1h5m35s).
• By practicing the Me Breath technique and staying present, men can reduce pressure on their partner and increase their own pleasure, leading to a more enjoyable experience for both parties (1h5m59s).
• The pelvic rock motion used in the Me Breath technique can also feel good for the partner during intercourse, adding an extra benefit to the practice (1h6m28s).
• Changing one's perspective on sex, from a focus on speed and performance to a more relaxed and enjoyable experience, can also help men overcome premature ejaculation and improve their overall sexual experience (1h6m54s).

What’s the Most Effective Sex Toy? (1h7m26s)

• Yoni massage is considered an important aspect of pleasuring a partner, with Yoni referring to the vagina in a more comprehensive and reverential sense, encompassing both the internal and external areas (1h7m41s).
• The term Yoni is preferred over vagina as it is more accurate and respectful, acknowledging the vagina as the internal cavern and the vulva as the external facing tissue (1h7m57s).
• When using the term Yoni, it is essential to approach it with a loving, gentle, and pleasurable perspective, considering it as the seat of a woman's passion and creativity (1h8m40s).
• Giving a Yoni massage before making love is recommended, and toys specifically designed for this purpose, known as Layon toys, can be useful tools (1h9m9s).
• Layon toys, such as the Pulse Queen, feature pulse plate technology that penetrates the vulva and feels great on the clitoral structures, mons, outer labia, inner labia, and vestibule (1h9m34s).
• The Pulse Queen is a Layon tool that can be turned on by holding the middle button down for a minute, and its vibrating plate provides a pleasurable experience for the Yoni (1h9m42s).

The Vibe: Benefits and Features (1h10m11s)

• The Vibe is a tool that sends penetrating pulsating pleasure into the vulva, and it's a Layon tool that can be used for Yoni massages to get blood flowing into the vulva, making the tissue nice and plump, allowing a woman to achieve an erection (1h10m14s).
• The penis has erectile tissue that holds blood, and when a man gets an erection, it happens quickly, usually within a minute or two, due to the spongy tissue in the penis having three straight shoots that blood runs into (1h11m19s).
• A female body has the same amount of erectile tissue as a penis, but it's distributed differently, with the vagina wrapped in erectile tissue in the form of little arms, legs, and shafts, and it takes about 20 minutes for a woman to achieve a clitoral erection (1h11m34s).
• Yoni massages are beneficial because they get blood flowing into the vulva, allowing the tissue to become plump and erect, which is necessary for pleasurable sex, as sex feels better when the tissue is erect and has more surface area to send signals to the brain (1h12m20s).
• Women often don't have time to achieve an erection due to societal expectations and media portrayals of sex, which can lead to women feeling like they can't have an orgasm from intercourse, but with enough pleasuring before penetration, women can have orgasms throughout intercourse (1h12m51s).
• The G-spot is not a spot, but a long tube, and the vagina is wrapped in erectile tissue, which is the same amount found in a penis, and it's essential to understand this anatomy to provide pleasurable sex (1h11m55s).
• The brain is the biggest sex organ, and when the tissue is erect, it sends more signals to the brain, making sex feel better, and it's essential to slow down and get women ready for sex to ensure a pleasurable experience (1h12m44s).

Understanding Different Types of Orgasms (1h13m45s)

• There are over 20 different types of orgasms, including locations to touch such as clitoral, vaginal, anal, breast, nipple, and throat, as well as techniques to use and tools or objects of desire (1h13m46s).
• Female ejaculation is a type of orgasm that all women can experience, but it requires specific techniques that are not typically depicted in porn (1h14m17s).
• Expanded orgasm techniques can lead to a Quantum orgasm, which is a more intense and longer-lasting experience (1h14m25s).
• There are three main types of orgasm: locations to touch, techniques to use, and tools or objects of desire (1h14m38s).
• A regular orgasm is similar to the traditional view of an orgasm, but there are other types, such as multiple orgasms, extended orgasms, and expanded orgasms (1h14m56s).
• Multiple orgasms can be achieved by slowing down, using lighter touch, and providing more engorgement and foreplay, allowing the woman to move into multiple orgasms (1h15m38s).
• Extended orgasms involve sitting in sensation and stretching out the moment of orgasm, making it a mindfulness practice (1h16m12s).
• Expanded orgasms, also known as the "king" or "queen" of orgasms, involve riding a big wave of pleasure and can last for 10, 20, or 30 minutes or more (1h16m53s).
• Expanded orgasms require a high level of skill and practice, but can lead to intense and prolonged pleasure, and can even involve a spiritual connection (1h17m48s).
• Dr. Patty Taylor is credited with teaching the expanded orgasm technique, which involves letting go and stepping off into the unknown to experience a deeper connection (1h18m25s).

Third Question From the Audience (1h19m23s)

• A man and his girlfriend have been together for two years and recently moved in together about a year ago, but they are experiencing a dry spell in their bedroom life (1h19m24s).
• Their intimate life has become mechanical, especially in the last several months, causing concern for their relationship's future (1h19m39s).
• The man is worried about the situation and wants to help improve it, as his girlfriend is not enjoying their intimate life, which is affecting her mood (1h19m46s).
• The man teaches passionate love-making techniques for work but faces challenges in promoting expanded orgasm practice due to work-related restrictions (1h20m2s).

How to Have an Expanded Orgasm With Your Partner (1h20m13s)

• To have an expanded orgasm with a partner, a 21-erotic play date program can be followed, which includes learning the 'f stroke technique' (1h20m17s).
• The program begins with creating a sex life bucket list (1h20m25s).
• Other initial steps in the program include trying out sex toys and giving each other Yoni massages (1h20m31s).

Women’s Favourite Sex Toy: A Guide (1h20m33s)

• A popular sex toy for partnered sex is a double vibrating penis ring that can be worn by the man, allowing the woman to ride him while the toy vibrates against her clitoris, providing pleasure for both partners (1h20m51s).
• The double vibrating penis ring is designed to be worn on the penis, with the testicles going through a hole, and it vibrates on the clitoris while attached, providing perineal pleasure for the man and clitoral pleasure for the woman (1h21m26s).
• Another option is a small toy called the Digit, which is a small, ring-shaped toy that can be used to stimulate the clitoris during penetration, and is designed to be easy to hold onto, even with lubricated hands (1h21m42s).
• The Digit toy is recommended because it is easy to use and can be rested against the clitoris, allowing for hands-free stimulation, and is a good option for those who have trouble holding onto small toys (1h22m3s).
• In addition to introducing sex toys, it is also recommended to give the woman Yoni massages, which involve laying her down, using oil, and massaging her genital area (1h22m7s).

The Pleasure Protocol Explained (1h22m17s)

• The Pleasure Protocol consists of three components: a melt, an intimacy or awaken arousal oil, and a breast oil, designed to enhance pleasure and intimacy during sex (1h22m17s).
• The melt is a small amount of cocoa butter with CBD and botanicals that is inserted into the vagina, where it melts and makes the vagina feel velvety and luscious (1h22m27s).
• The cocoa butter is an aphrodisiac and has a pleasant smell, similar to dark chocolate, due to its origin from cacao (1h23m14s).
• The awaken arousal oil is applied to the outside of the vulva, including the mons, outer and inner labia, clitoral shaft and tip, and the vestibule, to increase arousal and pleasure (1h23m40s).
• The sex oil can be applied as needed to enhance slide and glide during sex (1h24m5s).
• The breast oil is used to enhance pleasure and orgasm through nipple stimulation, and can be applied by dripping it onto the breasts and nipples and then spreading it around (1h24m52s).
• The breast oil can be used during intimate moments, such as making out or talking, to increase connection and pleasure (1h25m41s).

Fourth Question From the Audience (1h25m55s)

• The individual is seeking advice on how to improve their oral sex skills, as they feel it is expected at this point in their relationship, and wants to learn more about what to do with their partner's nipples, including how long to suck on them and whether to tweak them, as they find it awkward (1h25m55s).
• The person is open to learning and acknowledges that everyone feels awkward at first, but with practice, they can improve their skills and make oral sex a more enjoyable experience for both partners (1h26m45s).
• Having great oral techniques is considered essential, and it's believed that people who dislike oral sex may have just not had good oral sex yet, as it can be highly orgasmic and amazing in its own right (1h26m56s).
• Mutual oral pleasuring, also known as 69, is also discussed, and it's suggested that people who dislike it may be overthinking it and should focus on being connected and circulating energy and pleasure, rather than concentrating too much (1h27m12s).
• The importance of practice in improving sex skills is emphasized, with the idea that practice makes perfect (1h27m31s).

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• A 10% discount on the first order can be applied on Fiverr using the code "diary" (1h29m19s).

Menopause vs. Libido: Addressing Changes (1h29m27s)

• Libidos can drop during menopause, but the experience varies greatly from person to person, depending on factors such as genetics, diet, and belief systems (1h29m28s).
• Some women report having the best sex of their lives during menopause, while others experience a significant decrease in libido (1h29m35s).
• Low testosterone levels can be associated with low libido, but this is not always the case (1h29m51s).
• Libido, desire, and arousal are distinct concepts that need to be understood in order to address changes in sex drive (1h29m56s).

Libido, Desire, and Arousal: The Connection (1h29m59s)

• Libido, desire, and arousal are three distinct concepts, but they are often used interchangeably (1h30m0s).
• Libido refers to a person's overall health, encompassing physical and emotional well-being (1h30m1s).
• When someone becomes ill, either physically or emotionally, it can significantly impact their ability to engage in intercourse, leading some couples to stop intimate physical contact altogether (1h30m6s).
• To maintain a healthy sex life, it's essential to find ways to overcome obstacles and adapt to challenges, rather than giving up (1h30m17s).
• Engaging in sexual biohacking and regenerative therapies can be beneficial for maintaining a healthy libido and overall well-being (1h30m40s).

How Testosterone Levels Affect Libido (1h30m46s)

• Desire is closely linked to how one feels about themselves, and overcoming body issues and self-perceived imperfections is essential to rekindle pleasure and connection in a relationship (1h30m46s).
• Having children and aging do not necessarily mean that a couple cannot have great sex, as long as they focus on creating a joyful and pleasurable experience together (1h31m11s).
• A household where parents have a healthy and happy relationship can positively impact their children, who grow up in a less stressful environment (1h31m18s).
• Arousal in men often occurs quickly, allowing them to be ready for sex at short notice, whereas women typically require relaxation and time to become aroused, needing around 20-30 minutes for blood flow and engorgement to occur (1h31m32s).

When Sex Becomes Routine: Tips for Reigniting Passion (1h31m56s)

• A listener, Ethan, expressed frustration about his sex life becoming routine, with only one or two positions and always at nighttime in bed, usually on Saturdays, and his partner wanting the same experience every time to achieve orgasm (1h31m58s).
• The partner likely has only one pathway to orgasm and wants a "sure thing," which is why she prefers the same routine every time, and this is due to a lack of knowledge and fear (1h32m49s).
• There are 20 kinds of orgasms and multiple pathways to achieve them, and it's recommended to try "orgasmic cross-training" by starting with what works and adding something new (1h33m31s).
• To add something new, try breast play, such as tracing fingers, using breast oil, and stimulating the breasts and nipples, which may not feel good at first but can lead to pleasure (1h33m52s).
• When touching a woman's breasts, nipples, vulva, clitoris, or vagina, she may feel pain, numbness, shame, or pleasure, and what stands between these feelings and pleasure is "orgasmic activation" through loving touch (1h34m30s).
• Orgasmic activation can start neural pathways to the brain, making it possible to feel pleasure, and it's recommended to touch the labia in a loving way to activate these pathways (1h35m5s).
• To bring all sensations online and make orgasms easier, it's recommended to offer Yoni massages without intercourse on a separate day of the week to activate the tissue and help the partner understand her vulva's beauty (1h35m41s).
• Women often have trouble staying in their body and sensation, and a sex therapist can teach them how to stay in sensation and feel it, as people are often disconnected from their sensation (1h36m10s).

Pornography and Masturbation: The Impact on Relationships (1h36m24s)

• Masturbation and pornography can have an impact on relationships, and it's essential to consider their effects on individuals and their partners (1h36m24s).
• Some women have privately shared their struggles with pornography addiction, which challenges the common stereotype that only men struggle with this issue (1h36m41s).
• The discussion highlights the importance of considering the potential harm caused by the content often depicted in pornography, such as the degradation of women, which can affect one's perception of sex and relationships (1h38m24s).
• Masturbation without pornography can be beneficial, as it helps activate tissue, allows for pleasure and fantasy, and can be a healthy way to explore one's sexuality (1h38m45s).
• New technologies, such as heated toys and app-connected vibrators, can enhance the masturbation experience and provide new ways to explore pleasure and fantasy (1h39m1s).
• The use of fantasy and sensual experiences can be a more fulfilling way to explore one's sexuality, rather than relying solely on pornography (1h38m57s).
• It's essential to prioritize one's own agenda, fantasies, and experiences in their sex life, rather than living vicariously through others, such as those depicted in pornography (1h37m35s).
• Addiction to pornography can be challenging to overcome, with some individuals experiencing withdrawal symptoms when trying to stop (1h37m55s).
• The goal should be to cultivate passionate, erotic, sensual, and heart-connected experiences in one's sex life, rather than relying on external sources like pornography (1h38m34s).

The Importance of STI Testing (1h40m52s)

• STI testing is crucial before engaging in any physical activity beyond kissing or hands-on contact with a new partner to ensure safety and prevent long-term negative effects of STIs (1h40m59s).
• Having STI kits at home can be convenient for testing with a new partner before proceeding with physical intimacy (1h41m40s).
• Some STIs can have permanent effects and cannot be completely cured with antibiotics, making regular testing essential (1h41m55s).
• The importance of STI testing is particularly relevant for individuals in polyamorous relationships or those who attend sex parties (1h41m20s).
• Basis DX is a company that offers STI testing solutions, and the Chief Advocacy Officer emphasizes the importance of testing before engaging in physical activity (1h41m11s).
• Ignorance about STIs and sex can create fear, but learning and trying new things can help alleviate this fear and promote a healthier sex life (1h42m37s).

Knowing When to Walk Away From a Partner (1h43m22s)

• Knowing when to walk away from a partner is crucial, and before making that decision, it's recommended to try couples therapy if possible, especially if there are issues with mismatched styles, desires, libido, or trauma (1h43m22s).
• If a partner is unwilling to attend therapy, it may be due to the discomfort of discussing intimate topics with a stranger, which can be especially true for men (1h43m49s).
• Couples therapy can provide a dedicated space for open and honest discussions, making the rest of the relationship more enjoyable, and it's beneficial to have a therapist to help navigate difficult issues (1h44m41s).
• Men may have a bias against initiating conversations about unmet needs and sex life, but having a partner who does can be beneficial in the long run, as it can lead to a better understanding of each other's needs (1h45m12s).
• Women are often more articulate and better at expressing unmet needs, which can create a dynamic where men feel like their job is to keep their partner happy, but it's essential to recognize that unmet needs can be a sign of deeper issues (1h46m19s).
• Having a partner who is sensitive to unmet needs can be beneficial, as it can lead to a stronger and more fulfilling relationship, and men should be grateful for a partner who sounds the alarm and initiates conversations about important topics (1h46m47s).
• Reviewing the key points discussed, it's essential to make small offers, fill your partner with orgasms, give Yoni massages, slow down, and hold each other, as these actions can strengthen the relationship and create a deeper connection (1h47m25s).
• Prioritizing physical and mental well-being, learning new skills, and having new experiences together can also contribute to a more fulfilling sex life and a stronger relationship (1h47m52s).

Last Guest's Question (1h48m12s)

• A question is left for the next guest from the last guest, without knowing who they are leaving it for, which is: if you could go back and tell your 20-year-old self something that would have made you happier, healthier, and more successful, what would you tell them? (1h48m13s)
• The answer to this question is to tell your 20-year-old self to "play full out" and never compromise your gifts and talents. (1h48m33s)
• It is emphasized that one should never play small and that it is not their job to make other people feel comfortable, but rather to live the best and most amazing life possible. (1h48m40s)
• It is also mentioned that one can bring their heart to everyone, but their main job is to live their life to the fullest. (1h48m48s)

Question for Steven (1h48m57s)

• A person has gained new insights and perspectives after a conversation, including learning about the limbic system and its implications for relationships and connection, as well as the importance of Tantra. (1h49m7s)
• The person plans to bring home new toys and apply the knowledge gained to improve their relationship and connection with their partner. (1h49m9s)
• Removing pressure from sex is crucial, and scheduling "play dates" without the expectation of penetrative intercourse can help build connection and intimacy. (1h49m52s)
• Novelty in sex is essential, especially in long-term relationships, and can be achieved by trying new things and keeping the relationship fresh. (1h50m7s)
• The concept of "desire management" is discussed, which involves managing desire to prevent it from fading out, much like a flame that needs the right amount of oxygen to stay lit. (1h50m19s)
• Too much distance or lack of safety can extinguish desire, while the right amount of safety and novelty can keep it alive. (1h50m41s)
• The importance of safety and variety in maintaining desire is highlighted, with the equation "safety and variety equals desire" being mentioned, which was learned from Esther Perel, not Dossy Eaton. (1h51m35s)
• Observations of friends' relationships and approaches to intimacy are shared, including one friend who moves in with partners quickly, which has led to problematic situations. (1h51m47s)
• The concept of a "Sweet Spot" in relationships is subjective and varies from person to person, and it's essential to find a balance that works for each individual (1h52m27s).
• The goal of having open conversations about stigmatized subjects like sex and relationships is to demystify them and make them more accessible to people (1h52m39s).
• A diary or journal can be a helpful tool for tracking progress, identifying areas for improvement, and developing consistency in making positive changes in one's life (1h54m14s).
• The power of compounding small, consistent actions (1% improvements) can lead to significant and lasting changes in outcomes (1h53m50s).
• A team's attention to detail, such as measuring CO2 levels in a studio, can contribute to their success and the quality of their work (1h53m38s).
• A limited-edition diary is being created to help people identify and stay focused on making positive changes in their lives, and it can be purchased at thediary.com (1h54m28s).
• The diary is designed to be a beautiful and inspiring tool, with pictures, motivational content, and interactive elements (1h54m8s).
• The creator of the diary is committed to helping people make positive changes in their lives through small, consistent actions (1h53m59s).