Trevor Noah: My Depression Was Linked To ADHD! America Hated Me!

Intro (0s)

• Life felt meaningless, and depression would kick in when feeling lost and unsure about the future, which was later discovered to be linked to untreated ADHD depression (10s).
• Simple questions can be asked to identify if one is suffering from this condition, and learning rules can help manage it (19s).
• Trevor Noah, the former host of The Daily Show, was born to a black mother and a white father in South Africa during a time when interracial relationships were illegal (30s).
• His mother met his stepfather, and the household became unsafe after his mother was shot point-blank in the head by this man (42s).
• Trevor Noah pursued his dream of becoming a comedian in America, but initially faced difficulties, including death threats and people telling him to go back to his country (59s).
• Despite the challenges, he persevered and worked hard, eventually leading The Daily Show to become a smash hit (1m10s).
• However, the cost of his success was making his life all about work and neglecting other aspects, including connection with others (1m14s).
• Many people, particularly men, are experiencing isolation and struggling to connect with others, affecting society as a whole (1m20s).
• To address this issue, men who are struggling need to start by recognizing the importance of connection and making changes to prioritize it (1m29s).
• A significant percentage of listeners have not yet subscribed to the show, and a request is made to support the show by hitting the Subscribe button (1m40s).

Trevor's Childhood (2m15s)

• The earliest years of life are complex and multifaceted, making it challenging to pinpoint the most important factors that shape a person, with possible influences including sense of humor, family, country, schools, and life experiences (2m15s).
• The sense of humor may have originated from family or country, with the family being a mix of South African and Swiss heritage, as the mother is a South African HOSA woman and the father is Swiss from Switzerland but living in South Africa (3m34s).
• The grandmother is considered a key ingredient in life, as a lot of time was spent with her during childhood, and she likely had a significant impact on personal development (3m45s).
• The grandfather was a funny but bipolar man, whose condition made him entertaining, although it was not fully understood at the time (3m48s).
• People are shaped by their interactions with others, much like a sponge cake that is basic but becomes special with the additions made by the baker, with the fundamental characteristics being the same but the interactions adding unique textures and dynamics (4m22s).
• The color of skin, tone of voice, and other inherent traits are present, but it is the people one comes into contact with that provide the "icing" and shape who they become (4m38s).
• Choosing friends is a conscious decision to select people who will continue to shape and influence one's life, as these interactions play a significant role in personal growth and development (5m8s).

What Do People Need To Know To Understand Trevor (5m19s)

• Born in 1984 in South Africa, six years before apartheid ended, to a black mother and a white father at a time when interracial relationships were illegal in the country (5m57s).
• Growing up in a world where there were not many people with a similar background, and South Africa's racial dynamics were complicated (6m12s).
• The end of apartheid at the age of 6 was a significant event that changed life's trajectory, as it allowed access to schools that were previously restricted to white children (6m52s).
• Without the end of apartheid, life would have been defined by the color of skin, with restrictions on education, housing, and other aspects of life (7m25s).
• The early life experiences and context are crucial in understanding the person, as they set the stage for the events that unfolded later in life (5m21s).

What Was Apartheid Like For Trevor? (7m36s)

• Many people today are not aware of what apartheid is, and it requires research to understand its complexities (7m37s).
• Growing up in apartheid South Africa as a child with a white father and a black mother was considered a crime due to the different skin colors of the parents (7m52s).
• The apartheid system was designed to oppress people based on the color of their skin, and it was a culmination of the worst ideas from around the world regarding race (8m50s).
• The architects of apartheid explored and implemented ideas from various countries, including Australia, the Netherlands, Germany, and the US, to create a system that would effectively oppress people (9m5s).
• The system was so granular that it dictated where people of different skin colors could live, and in the case of the speaker, their mother, father, and themselves were not allowed to live in the same area (10m12s).
• The speaker's mother was considered inferior to their father, and the speaker was considered superior to their mother but inferior to their father (10m23s).
• The speaker's grandmother would often lock them in the house when they were young, not just because she was strict, but also because she was scared that the police would take the speaker away if they were found playing outside in a township where only black people were supposed to be (10m51s).
• In the apartheid system, skin color was the primary factor in determining a person's status, and culture did not matter; this was instrumental in keeping the majority of people broken up and oppressed (11m5s).
• The apartheid system was infinitely complex and based on a ridiculous idea, making it challenging to understand and navigate (11m23s).

I Was Born Ilegal (11m29s)

• Growing up, there were strict rules about being seen in public with parents, specifically with mothers, and it was not allowed to be seen with fathers in public (11m29s).
• To navigate this, the mother would dress up as a nanny or caretaker to avoid suspicion, allowing her to move seamlessly with her child in the streets (11m50s).
• The environment and rules were so ingrained that it didn't feel unusual at the time, and it wasn't until later that the impact of these experiences became apparent (12m14s).
• A conversation with Gabel, who experienced trauma as a child when his Jewish mother had to give him up temporarily to save him from the Nazis, highlighted the potential long-term effects of subtle feelings of neglect and trauma on a person's life and development of ADHD (12m20s).
• Gabel's experience suggests that even brief periods of separation from a parent can have a profound impact on a person's life, potentially contributing to the development of ADHD and internalized shame (12m46s).
• The mother's role in a child's life is unique, and the bond between a mother and child can have a significant impact on a person's development and sense of security (13m50s).
• Being lucky enough to have a relationship with a father, despite the challenges, can also shape a person's reality and provide a sense of stability (14m2s).
• Many children experience difficult circumstances, such as having a parent killed, arrested, or exiled, and these experiences can have a lasting impact on their lives (14m40s).
• The person's childhood was spent with their mother and grandmother, and they never felt separated from their mother due to the system, thanks to their mother's efforts to maintain a close relationship (14m56s).
• The person believes that everything in life can have both positive and negative effects, and it's rare to find someone who has had a perfect existence (15m39s).
• The person's mother and father were in love, but they couldn't get married due to the laws at the time (15m59s).
• The person's mother eventually married someone else, but she was never married to their father (16m0s).
• The person's mother became very religious at some point, which led to a change in her life, while their father, Abel, was not religious (16m20s).

Trevor's Mother's Troubled Relationship With New Partner (16m34s)

• Growing up in a home with domestic violence is one of the worst experiences a child can have, as it affects their fundamental understanding of the world and their perception of powerful beings, such as their parents (17m43s).
• The experience of domestic violence can be traumatic and have long-lasting effects, making it essential to continue processing and understanding its impact through therapy (18m26s).
• The effects of domestic violence can vary from person to person, and there is no concrete answer to what the experience does to an individual, as it depends on their unique circumstances and perception (18m48s).
• Traumas or perceptions of traumas can be directly proportional to what a person lived through in their life, and people with different experiences can still connect and relate to each other on a deeper level (19m40s).
• The feeling of an unsafe household can be a common thread among people who experienced different types of trauma, such as physical violence or emotional abuse, and can have a lasting impact on their lives (20m17s).
• Children who experience domestic violence may not fully understand its implications at the time, and it can take years of therapy and self-reflection to process and come to terms with the experience (16m59s).
• The relationship between the speaker's mother and stepfather was complicated and violent, which had a profound impact on the speaker's life and perception of love and relationships (16m45s).
• The speaker believes that their experiences and traumas have shaped their understanding of the world and continue to influence their life, and they are still working to process and understand the impact of their childhood (18m50s).
• Experiencing stress and an unsafe environment led to the realization of personal triggers as an adult, which were matched to feelings from childhood, specifically the feeling of impending doom or "prison time" when watching a parent being screamed at (20m35s).
• This feeling was later matched to the feeling of rejection in romantic relationships, leading to the avoidance of forming connections with others due to the fear of being trapped or hurt (21m1s).
• The hypothesis was formed that the fear of relationships was linked to the childhood experiences of watching a parent being abused, and once this was acknowledged, it could be resolved (21m44s).
• The avoidance of relationships was also influenced by the fear of not having the opportunity to hurt someone if fully giving to them, highlighting the complexity of emotions involved (22m20s).
• Witnessing a relationship where someone was hurt due to allowing someone into their life affected the ability to form connections with others, leading to a fear of being a "prisoner" or subject to harm (22m45s).
• Growing up in a world where people don't take domestic violence seriously, such as in South Africa, contributed to the fear of relationships and the perception that the world won't keep one safe (23m4s).
• The problem of domestic violence and gender-based violence is a global issue, with campaigns in countries like the Netherlands aiming to raise awareness and address the problem (23m9s).
• The normalization of domestic violence by society, such as being told to "sort it out" or that it's a "crime of passion," can contribute to the fear of relationships and the perception of a lack of safety (23m27s).

Trevor's Mum's Shooting (23m50s)

• Trevor's mother was shot point-blank in the head by her partner, and Trevor received a phone call from his younger brother informing him of the incident when Trevor was around 24 years old (24m21s).
• Trevor immediately knew who had shot his mother due to his past experiences growing up in a household with domestic abuse and an alcoholic, which made him hyper-sensitive and able to predict violent situations (24m35s).
• As a result of his upbringing, Trevor developed an acute sense of awareness, often referred to as a "spidey sense," which allowed him to detect potential danger, such as recognizing the sound of a car or footsteps that signaled his stepfather's intoxication (25m40s).
• Trevor's past experiences also enabled him to sense changes in energy and predict when a situation might escalate into violence, often prompting him to leave a situation before it became violent (25m10s).
• Upon receiving the news of his mother's shooting, Trevor's initial reaction was a sense of painful resignation, as if he had been expecting the worst to happen, and his first thought was "damn it, it happened" (26m19s).

Being Hyper-Empathetic (26m33s)

• The ability to sense and be aware of how others feel can be both a gift and a curse, as it allows for empathy but also creates a sense of responsibility to protect others (26m34s).
• This hyper-sensitivity can develop in children who grow up in abusive households as a tool to protect their parents and themselves from impending danger (27m0s).
• As a result, the child's nervous system is always on alert, making it difficult to rest and creating a sense of constant awareness of their surroundings (27m31s).
• This hyper-sensitivity can be beneficial in certain situations, such as in comedy, but it can also be overwhelming and require practice to learn when to ignore it (27m45s).
• It's possible to choose how to react to emotions and how they affect you, rather than simply being controlled by them (27m58s).
• Practicing self-control and learning to breathe through difficult emotions can help to manage hyper-sensitivity and prevent the need to constantly intervene in others' conversations (28m7s).
• As a child, one way to cope with a difficult home environment was to disrupt conversations or distract others to shift the mood or attention (29m30s).
• This behavior was a way of trying to protect others and manage the tension in the home, but it was not always effective and sometimes created more problems (29m36s).
• In some cases, the child may also try to cheer up or take care of their mother's spirits, but in this case, the mother's strong religious faith helped her to cope with the difficulties (30m35s).
• The mother's faith gave her a sense of purpose and helped her to push through obstacles, which meant that the child did not feel the need to try to cheer her up or take care of her emotions (30m46s).

What Happened On The Day Of The Shooting (31m22s)

• The day of the shooting was chaotic and panic-filled, with a rush to the hospital to see the mother, who had been shot in the head (31m23s).
• The bullet miraculously missed all the fatal parts of the mother's body, which was a huge relief (31m52s).
• The wait for news about the mother's condition felt like forever, and the expectation was that she would not survive (32m22s).
• The experience of grieving for the mother, who was expected to die but did not, was strange and intense (32m39s).
• The event made the person realize the fragility of life and the importance of appreciating the time they have with loved ones (33m28s).
• The experience changed the way the person views their mother and has made them more grateful for her existence (33m51s).
• The person now appreciates the ephemeral nature of life and does not assume that they will always have their loved ones with them (34m17s).
• The experience has extended to other relationships in their life, making them more cognizant of the importance of appreciating the time they have with others (34m15s).

The Miracle That Saved My Mother (34m44s)

• The mother survived a bullet to the head, which is extremely rare and often considered a miracle, as most people do not survive such an injury (34m47s).
• The mother was taught to question things and not follow blindly, which she passed on to her child, who grew up to be skeptical of religion and other things (35m8s).
• The doctors initially thought the mother's situation was hopeless, but after examining her, they found that the bullet had entered the back of her skull, gone through her head, and exited through her nose, missing the brain and spinal cord (35m32s).
• The bullet shattered the mother's cheekbone, deflected, and cut off a piece of her nose, but the exit wound was not as severe as it could have been (35m58s).
• The doctors were unable to perform brain surgery and instead focused on stopping the bleeding and closing the wounds, leaving the rest to prayer (36m11s).
• The doctor, a man of science, described the mother's survival as a miracle, saying that it shouldn't have happened the way it did (36m23s).
• The mother attributed her survival to her faith, saying that her Lord protects her (36m33s).
• The person who shot the mother did not go to prison (36m39s).

Why Didn't Your Stepdad Go To Prison? (36m40s)

• In South Africa and other African countries, crimes committed by a man against his wife or partner are often not given the same validity as those committed against a stranger, and the court system does not treat them with the same level of ferocity. (36m52s)
• This failing of the justice system has meant that many women in South Africa and other parts of the world do not feel like justice gets served, and it is a problem that is also seen in the US. (37m38s)
• In cases where a man kills his wife or family, the case is often not treated with the same severity, and is instead labeled as a tragic love affair or a domestic issue that went wrong. (38m0s)
• The speaker's personal experience with domestic violence, including their mother being shot by their stepfather, highlights the impact that millimeters can have on the course of a person's life, and how different outcomes can lead to vastly different life paths. (38m21s)
• If the bullet that hit the speaker's mother had traveled a slightly different path, the speaker's life would likely have been very different, and they may not have moved to America or explored the world in the same way. (38m44s)

Is Trevor Still Angry? (38m57s)

• Experiencing a range of emotions, including fear, rage, helplessness, shame, and anger, was a significant part of the emotional journey, particularly in relation to the stepfather, Abel, who was abusive to the mother (38m57s).
• As a child, there were concerns about Abel's character, and these concerns were expressed to the family, but they were not taken seriously (39m48s).
• Domestic abuse is often misunderstood as a binary concept, with people failing to recognize that abusers can also be charismatic and charming, making it difficult to reconcile the different aspects of their personality (40m6s).
• The process of consolidating the different emotions and ideas about Abel's behavior took time, and it was necessary to understand how someone who was loved and respected could also be the source of pain (40m37s).
• Anger was a significant emotion, directed at various people, including the stepfather, the mother for staying in the relationship, and the system for failing to protect the family (41m3s).
• The emotional journey involved waves of anger, pain, anguish, and fear, which were addressed through therapy and conversations with the mother (41m20s).
• The concept of forgiveness was discussed, with the mother explaining that it means letting go of the anger and the hold the person has on you, rather than forgetting or allowing them back into your life (41m43s).
• Research and learning about domestic abuse have helped to understand the complexities of the issue, including the fact that many young boys who grow up in abusive homes may become abusers themselves due to unresolved anger (42m14s).
• The experience of anger and helplessness is a challenging combination for a human being to experience, and it was necessary to accept and deal with these emotions (42m52s).

Have You Forgiven Him? (42m59s)

• Forgiveness levels may vary, and it's acknowledged that the levels of forgiveness won't reach those of the mom's, who was in love with the person being forgiven (43m5s).
• The person being forgiven is not the biological father, which may have affected the ability to forgive (43m15s).
• There's an understanding of the situation, but not necessarily pure forgiveness, with feelings of sympathy for the person being forgiven (43m23s).
• Coming to terms with the situation has been achieved, but pure forgiveness is not always felt, and feelings on the matter can be inconsistent (43m33s).
• There's an acknowledgment that forgiveness is not always a constant feeling, and it can change over time, with some moments feeling more forgiving than others (43m41s).

How Does Past Trauma Affect Trevor Today? (43m45s)

• Past experiences can leave lasting effects on a person, often in subtle ways that may not be immediately apparent (43m46s).
• Traumatic events, such as a car accident, may not be the sole cause of a person's struggles, as other seemingly minor incidents, like rejection or bullying, can have a more profound impact (44m24s).
• It's essential to approach the topic of past trauma cautiously and not attribute all struggles to a single moment, as it may be the culmination of various experiences (44m49s).
• Through therapy and self-reflection, it's possible to gain a deeper understanding of how past experiences shape one's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors (45m3s).
• The effects of past trauma can be unpredictable, and what may seem like a minor incident can have a more significant impact than expected (45m16s).
• Appreciation for people and being present in relationships with loved ones can be a positive outcome of experiencing past trauma (45m27s).
• It's challenging to pinpoint specific causes for one's thoughts, feelings, or behaviors, and it's difficult to provide a genuine, concrete answer to how past trauma affects one's life (45m37s).

Men's Mental Health & Loneliness Epidemic (45m41s)

• Young men are struggling with anger, isolation, loneliness, and a sense of purposelessness, as reflected in shocking mental health statistics, including depression, suicidality, and suicide rates (45m41s).
• The struggles of young men today are attributed to the lack of clear direction and purpose, unlike in the past when societal expectations and roles were more defined (48m3s).
• Historically, wars have provided a sense of purpose for young men, who were given a clear role to play in protecting their country, even if they disagreed with the war (48m33s).
• The absence of a clear purpose in modern times has led to feelings of isolation and disconnection among young men, who are struggling to find their place in the world (46m53s).
• Being an outsider is a different experience from being isolated, as it involves feeling like one does not fit in or belong, rather than being alone (47m31s).
• Many young men today are experiencing the torture of being outsiders, feeling like they do not fit in or have a clear sense of direction (47m57s).
• People have different purposes in life, with some aiming to survive and others striving to win, and this sense of purpose can be powerful and propel individuals and nations forward (49m6s).
• In times of relative peace, people may struggle to find their purpose, especially when there is no draft or imminent war, and they have the choice to join the military or not (49m27s).
• In the past, jobs were more readily available, and it was easier to find employment, whereas now, many young men are experiencing a sense of purposelessness due to the lack of clear direction or opportunities (49m50s).
• The current societal structure has created a narrow scope of what people can do, rewarding only a few pursuits, which has exacerbated the problem of purposelessness (50m23s).
• In the past, skills were passed down from generation to generation, and various professions, such as painters, philosophers, and artists, were celebrated, but this is becoming less common (50m40s).
• The decline of skills being passed down and the sense of purposelessness can be attributed to industrialization and the consolidation of manufacturing (50m57s).

Why Are Men Struggling (51m5s)

• The point being made is that more women are graduating with college degrees and are in high-level positions in the workforce, leading to fewer job opportunities for men who traditionally held these positions (51m5s).
• There is still a stigma in society that men are expected to be the providers, but with women earning more and fewer top jobs available for men, this expectation is becoming increasingly difficult to fulfill (51m29s).
• The concept of the "short man problem" or "tall girl problem" suggests that women want to date up and to the right, but there are fewer men in these positions, leading to a mismatch in the dating market (51m51s).
• Surveys have shown that 70-80% of women want their husbands to be providers, but the math does not add up, as there are not enough men in these positions to fulfill this expectation (52m7s).
• The dating statistics and sex statistics show that the top 10% of men are having most of the relationships, while the bottom 50% are being left behind (52m23s).
• The decline of the middle class and the consolidation of wealth among mega corporations are contributing to a widening gap between the rich and the poor (52m50s).
• The polarization of politics and the use of algorithms are also contributing to the decline of the middle class and the widening of the wealth gap (53m41s).
• Companies are finding ways to hire fewer people and get more out of them, which is another factor contributing to the decline of the middle class (53m50s).
• Women have historically found ways to find purpose in mundane tasks, which has been a curse and a blessing, as they have been forced to stay at home and find meaning in domestic work (54m13s).
• Many communities have found ways to fill their time with activities such as community events, connecting with others, and taking care of their bodies, which can provide a sense of purpose and drive individuals forward (54m32s).
• Women, in particular, have found ways to connect and engage in activities such as book clubs and knitting clubs, which can provide a sense of belonging and purpose (54m41s).
• When the workplace opened up, women were able to work and thrive in office environments, which were often designed to suit their skills and abilities (55m9s).
• Men, on the other hand, may struggle with simply being and connecting with others without a specific purpose or activity, which can be attributed to societal expectations and a lack of practice (55m24s).
• The ability to simply be and connect with others can vary depending on cultural background, with some cultures, such as those from third-world countries, placing a greater emphasis on socializing and community (55m38s).
• In some cultures, such as Trinidad, there is even a word for socializing without a specific purpose, known as "liming," which involves spending time with others without any particular activity or agenda (55m51s).
• Men often require a "third thing" to facilitate social interactions, such as a sporting event or activity, rather than simply being and connecting with others (56m22s).
• Women, on the other hand, may be more comfortable with simply being and connecting with others, which can be attributed to both genetic and societal factors (56m45s).
• The decline of public spaces, such as malls, where people can connect without spending money, has contributed to the challenges men face in socializing and connecting with others (57m5s).
• The emphasis on money and transactions in modern society has limited the opportunities for people to connect with others without a financial aspect (57m14s).
• Many men in the current generation are isolated and lack practice in connecting with other men on a deeper level, which can be attributed to societal pressures and the lack of modeling from previous generations (57m54s).
• This lack of connection can be seen in the way men interact with each other, often requiring a third thing, such as a video game or a movie, to facilitate socialization (57m40s).
• Women, on the other hand, are often able to connect with each other without needing a third thing, and this skill is often modeled by previous generations of women (58m20s).
• Some men did not have this type of connection modeled by their fathers or other male figures in their lives, making it difficult for them to learn this skill (58m31s).
• As a result, some men may feel awkward or uncomfortable when trying to connect with other men on a deeper level, and may be met with resistance or ridicule from their peers (58m54s).
• However, some men are working to change this by making an effort to connect with other men in a more meaningful way, such as by taking a moment to talk and share their feelings (59m11s).
• Growing up in a household with mostly women, such as a mother and grandmother, can provide a different socialization experience for men, and may influence their ability to connect with other men (59m23s).

How Can We Men Be Helped? (59m38s)

• Many men struggle with emotional expression and vulnerability due to societal expectations and fear of being ostracized or punished for showing weakness (59m39s).
• Men often feel the need to maintain a bravado and are influenced by online figures who promote being tough, rather than expressing emotions or vulnerability (1h0m46s).
• Traditional male social circles can be unsupportive, and men may be ridiculed or even physically harmed for showing vulnerability, making it difficult for them to open up (1h0m26s).
• Online communities, such as those found in video games or on platforms like Reddit, can provide a safe space for men to connect with others and express themselves honestly (1h1m22s).
• The anonymity of online communities can be a gift, allowing men to form meaningful connections and share their feelings without fear of judgment (1h1m30s).
• Online friendships can be just as meaningful as in-person relationships, and some men may find it easier to form close bonds with others online (1h2m11s).
• Reddit is cited as an example of a supportive online community where men can share their struggles and connect with others who are going through similar experiences (1h2m33s).
• The lack of emotional outlets for men is a significant limitation in society, and men often struggle with bottling up their emotions, which can come with a cost (1h3m20s).

Belonging (1h3m30s)

• Growing up, there was a feeling of not belonging due to being different, with the specific example given of being a black, poor family in a predominantly white area, having different ideas and dreams (1h3m52s).
• This feeling of not belonging still persists, with the realization that it's not just about skin color, but also about individuality and not fitting in with societal norms (1h4m15s).
• The only place where one feels like they truly belong is when they're alone, as it allows them to be themselves without judgment or expectation from others (1h4m26s).
• Even with others, there isn't a specific city, group, or community where one feels a strong sense of belonging, except for being with family members who also don't fit in (1h4m50s).
• Many people struggle with finding their place in the world and feeling like they belong, and it's a common experience that can be comforting to know others share (1h5m6s).
• Instead of finding a permanent place of belonging, one can find moments and places where they feel comfortable and warm, which can be a helpful mindset shift (1h5m20s).
• Trying to connect with people based solely on individuality can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, and it's more helpful to focus on shared interests and activities (1h5m42s).
• Finding things one enjoys and focusing on those activities can help alleviate feelings of not belonging and create a sense of connection with others who share similar interests (1h6m6s).
• Graphs showing how people's relationships and social connections change over time can be a helpful tool in understanding and navigating feelings of belonging and loneliness (1h6m42s).
• A graph showing how friendships can drift apart over time had a profound impact on the person's life, making them realize the importance of nurturing relationships (1h6m55s).
• As a child, the person spent a lot of time alone but enjoyed connecting with others when they had the opportunity, and this appreciation for connection continued into their young adulthood (1h7m26s).
• The person values friendships that encourage personal growth and remind them of their desired qualities, and believes that great friendships involve people who see and nurture the best parts of each other (1h7m57s).
• In contrast, bad friendships can have a negative impact by holding someone back and reminding them of their past traumas or negative experiences (1h8m10s).
• The person notes that even small interactions with people from their past can evoke strong emotions and reactions, and that some friendships can have a lasting impact on a person's life (1h8m29s).
• The person believes that some friends have the power to bring out the best in them, making them feel creative, happy, and fulfilled, and that these relationships are invaluable (1h8m47s).

How Do You Spot A Bad Friend? (1h9m11s)

• Spotting a bad friend is not about identifying them, but rather feeling it, and it's often easier to recognize than people think, as it can be a matter of being in a bad friendship rather than having a bad friend (1h9m11s).
• A key indicator of a bad friendship is when you can't be yourself around the other person, and they're being friends with the idea of you rather than the real you (1h9m19s).
• It's possible that someone who is a bad friend to one person can be a great friend to someone else, so it's not about labeling them as good or bad, but rather recognizing that the friendship isn't working for you (1h9m40s).
• The value of good friendships was learned through the influence of a mother, who pointed out that the people you surround yourself with can inspire you to do more with your life (1h9m49s).
• A mother's advice was that the people you hang around with, even if you're not doing anything productive, can still inspire you to move forward and achieve more, because they are doing something with their lives (1h10m55s).
• The people around you can affect how you see yourself and how you wish to be seen, whether you like it or not (1h11m18s).
• Having friends who inspire and challenge you to grow and change can be incredibly valuable, and it's possible to have friends who have been with you on a journey of growth and development (1h11m37s).
• Valuing friendships that encourage growth, change, and mutual support can be more important than external measures of success (1h12m10s).

Trevor's Work Ethic (1h12m19s)

• The work ethic is driven by a desire to prove something, whether to oneself or others, often fueled by a combination of negative forces, including shame, particularly among first-generation immigrants who know what it's like to be without, (1h13m16s).
• However, this is not the case, as the driving force is now prioritizing friendships and community, considering it the most important thing in life, (1h14m41s).
• The determining factor of life is now friends first, and the decision to participate in the interview was influenced by the location being in New York, where friends are, (1h14m36s).
• Previously, the driving force was solving puzzles and overcoming challenges, such as hosting The Daily Show as a non-American, (1h15m40s).
• The puzzle that brought the person to America was the challenge of hosting The Daily Show despite not being from America, (1h15m42s).
• The decision to take on challenges is not driven by money or fame, but rather the desire to solve puzzles and overcome obstacles, (1h15m58s).
• The importance of community and friendships is emphasized, as they are considered essential for a fulfilling life, and are prioritized over other factors, (1h14m44s).
• The concept of friendships as "little piggy banks" is introduced, where people invest in each other and can draw from those relationships when needed, (1h15m10s).

Does Money And Fame Guide Your Decisions? (1h16m0s)

• Fame is often associated with validation, but it can be a curse, as it comes with a cost and can lead to a loss of anonymity and the ability to rewrite one's story (1h16m2s).
• When meeting new people, individuals have the opportunity to write their story from the beginning, but this is lost when one becomes well-known, as people already have preconceived notions (1h17m0s).
• The ability to rewrite one's story or write it from a different perspective is a beauty that people often take for granted, but it is lost when one becomes famous (1h17m37s).
• Friends of famous people may not want to go out in public with them, as they do not want to be disturbed or have their picture taken, and this can lead to feelings of isolation (1h17m58s).
• Famous people are often seen as being "owned" by the world, and are expected to engage with fans at all times, regardless of their personal circumstances (1h18m22s).
• This can lead to a loss of privacy and the inability to have a normal life, as every action is scrutinized and can be misinterpreted (1h18m45s).
• Many famous people have lived isolated and depressed lives, and have struggled with the pressures of fame, often leading to tragic consequences (1h19m21s).
• Despite the outward appearance of fame and success, many famous people are lonely and isolated, and are often found to have died alone in private (1h19m41s).
• Having close friends is important for famous people, as they can provide a sense of normalcy and connection in a world where they are often isolated (1h20m16s).

We're All Human & Need The Same Thing (1h20m18s)

• Fame and success can be a double-edged sword, bringing both benefits and drawbacks, and every gift can be a curse in some way (1h20m42s).
• Despite the perks of fame, some things that come with it are not desirable, such as losing the ability to wait in line at a restaurant or enjoy simple experiences with friends (1h20m50s).
• A trip to a theme park revealed that the joy of the experience came not just from the rides, but from the time spent waiting in line and socializing with friends (1h21m5s).
• When the theme park offered a VIP experience with no waiting in line, the experience became manic and ultimately depressing, highlighting the importance of shared experiences and anticipation (1h21m46s).
• The experience led to the realization that the best parts of life often involve spending time with loved ones, looking forward to experiences, and sharing them together (1h23m12s).
• Theme parks are designed to create anticipation and excitement through careful planning of wait times and placement of attractions (1h22m56s).
• The key to a fulfilling life may be to focus on the time spent with others, rather than just the exciting experiences themselves (1h23m7s).
• The appreciation for life's experiences can be influenced by the downsides and upsides, and the value of an experience can be increased by adding friction to it (1h23m29s).
• Having more fun in a smaller, more intimate setting, such as a comedy club with 70 people, compared to a larger arena with 12,000 people, is a paradoxical experience (1h23m46s).
• A study found that people who had to go through a rigorous process to get into a community forum described it as being much better than those who were let in straight away, illustrating the idea that friction adds value to the things we like (1h24m7s).
• The concept of friction adding value is also seen in everyday experiences, such as waiting in a 40-minute queue for a roller coaster, which can make the experience more enjoyable and increase gratitude (1h24m45s).
• The enjoyment of going to a theme park is not just about the rides, but also about the social experience of standing in line and small talking with friends for an hour (1h25m0s).

Death Threats When Starting The Daily Show (1h25m7s)

• Taking over as the host of The Daily Show was a challenging experience, with the show's stats initially being "absolutely terrible" due to the audience's resistance to change (1h25m13s).
• The role of hosting The Daily Show was not just a position, but a post that came with a lot of responsibility, as John Stewart was seen as the most trusted man in America and the voice of a generation (1h25m43s).
• The transition from John Stewart to a new host was difficult for the audience, and some people's dislike for the change was fueled by the fact that the new host was different from John Stewart in terms of color and background (1h26m28s).
• The new host received death threats and hate mail from people, including liberals, who were angry about the change and felt that the new host was the reason John Stewart was gone (1h27m39s).
• The hate mail and death threats were extreme reactions, but they were not uncommon for a show that comments on politics, as people can become very passionate and angry about their views (1h27m47s).
• The experience of receiving hate mail and death threats was difficult, but it was made more manageable by the support of the people working on the show, who taught the importance of choosing how to handle difficult situations (1h28m28s).
• The experience also taught the importance of surrounding oneself with good people, as they can make a big difference in how one handles challenges and difficulties (1h28m44s).
• Despite the initial difficulties, the show eventually became a success, winning awards and gaining a large digital footprint, but at the time, it was a struggle to keep going in the face of criticism and hate (1h29m24s).

The Worst Day On The Daily Show (1h29m39s)

• The Daily Show initially lost 700,000 viewers per night when a new host took over, and by the 100th episode, it had lost 37% of its viewers, but it eventually became a smash hit digitally (1h29m53s).
• There were days when the host felt like quitting due to the negative reception, and on one such day, they confided in writer Dan Amira, expressing feelings of inadequacy and considering leaving the show (1h31m5s).
• Dan Amira responded to the host's concerns by saying that if they left, the show might get shut down, and he wouldn't get lunch anymore, which was a humorous way of telling the host to stay (1h31m31s).
• Amira also pointed out that leaving the show wouldn't change the opinions of those who disliked the host, so it was better to stay and continue working with the team (1h32m7s).
• The host credits Dan Amira's words of encouragement for helping them stay with the show, and also mentions that John Stewart, the previous host, was another person who offered valuable advice and support (1h32m37s).
• John Stewart's advice was particularly helpful, as he seemed to predict the challenges the new host would face and offered guidance and reassurance, earning him the nickname "Jewish Yoda" (1h32m47s).
• John Stewart showed an article to someone, which was written about him leaving The Daily Show, stating why America needs him and why he cannot leave, highlighting his importance to American politics (1h33m10s).
• John Stewart then showed another article from a few years prior, written by the same journalist, which stated that he needed to leave The Daily Show, as he was the worst for America and not good for the country (1h33m50s).
• The contrast between the two articles illustrated how public opinion can change over time, with the same journalist having opposing views on John Stewart's role in The Daily Show (1h34m12s).
• John Stewart shared his experience of facing criticism when he took over The Daily Show, as people thought he couldn't do it, and advised to put one's head down and persevere through the journey (1h34m40s).
• John Stewart's advice was to lean on others who have gone through similar experiences and to focus on the journey, which may seem slow and filled with ups and downs, but eventually becomes obvious to others (1h35m0s).
• Craig Kilborne was the previous host of The Daily Show before John Stewart took over (1h34m40s).

Trevor's Struggle With Depression (1h35m21s)

• Periods of isolation can be challenging, especially when one is alone in their apartment or house with no colleagues or others to interact with (1h35m21s).
• Depression can manifest differently in individuals, and in some cases, it can be linked to ADHD, which was the case for the individual in question, who experienced ADHD depression without realizing it at the time (1h35m42s).
• The individual did not feel perpetually depressed but experienced moments of depression, which they later learned could be a byproduct of untreated ADHD (1h35m55s).
• Having a support system can be crucial in overcoming challenges, and in this case, the individual had a friend, David, who was with them every day, providing companionship and support (1h36m14s).
• The individual and David would often work together, walking home from work, and then spend time discussing how they could improve, which helped them stay motivated and focused (1h36m32s).
• The importance of having a support system and not being alone cannot be overstated, as it can make a significant difference in one's ability to persevere through difficult times (1h36m56s).
• Many people forget the role that others play in their success and instead attribute it solely to their individual perseverance, which can be misleading (1h37m9s).
• In reality, success is often the result of a combination of individual effort and the support of others, including friends, family, and colleagues (1h37m20s).
• The individual's friends, including David and Joseph Opio, played a significant role in their success, providing encouragement and support during difficult times (1h38m2s).
• Having people who believe in you and your abilities can make a significant difference in your ability to overcome challenges and achieve your goals (1h38m18s).
• The concept of being "self-made" is misleading, as nobody achieves success alone, and it's essential to acknowledge the help and support of others along the way (1h39m20s).
• Many stories of achievement, such as climbing Mount Everest, are often attributed to a single person, but in reality, they had a team of people, like sherpas, who played a crucial role in their success (1h38m53s).
• The idea of having a study partner or a team is crucial, as it allows individuals to learn and achieve more together, and it's essential to recognize the value of collaboration and support (1h40m25s).
• The analogy of sherpas on Mount Everest is a good example of how people often overlook the contributions of others, as sherpas have ascended the mountain more times than the most celebrated climbers, but they rarely receive credit (1h40m32s).
• Recognizing that success is often a team effort can help individuals understand the importance of having a support system and can bring joy to their lives (1h41m12s).
• The notion of doing things alone can create unrealistic expectations and may lead to disappointment, as people often try to achieve their goals without seeking help or support (1h40m13s).
• It's essential to acknowledge that nobody achieves success alone, and it's crucial to appreciate the role of others in one's achievements, as it doesn't diminish the accomplishment but rather highlights the importance of teamwork and collaboration (1h39m53s).

Why Did Trevor Leave The Daily Show (1h41m14s)

• The decision to leave The Daily Show was made because it was time to move on, a feeling that is difficult to explain but is based on a sense of completion and a desire for change (1h41m44s).
• This perspective on endings is influenced by growing up in South Africa, where TV shows typically have a shorter run and end when they feel complete, rather than being cancelled due to poor ratings (1h42m8s).
• The COVID-19 pandemic played a significant role in the decision to leave The Daily Show, as it forced a re-evaluation of priorities and a realization that work had become the primary focus in life (1h42m53s).
• During the pandemic, the show was produced from home using minimal equipment, and this experience shielded the host from some of the anxiety and uncertainty of the time (1h43m15s).
• The pandemic also highlighted the importance of balance in life, as the host realized that work had become the top priority, and other aspects of life, such as relationships and travel, had become secondary (1h44m2s).
• The experience of being unable to travel or connect with others in person during the pandemic led to a greater appreciation for the importance of relationships and experiences outside of work (1h43m59s).
• After spending eight years at The Daily Show, seven years as the host, and one year as a contributor, there was a realization that it's possible to do something forever, but it's also important to consider what else can be done and how time can be spent in other ways (1h44m36s).
• The experience at The Daily Show was valuable, and many things were learned, but there's also a desire to learn more and explore other interests (1h45m4s).
• Politics is not binary, and there are multiple ways to discuss issues, but staying in one place for too long can create a narrow perception of reality (1h45m12s).
• The decision to leave The Daily Show was influenced by a fear of losing something that could never be gotten back, but also a desire to explore other opportunities and focus on personal interests (1h45m41s).
• The concept of loss aversion can hold people back from making changes, even if they're miserable, as the pain of losing something is often greater than the pleasure of gaining something new (1h46m15s).
• A study by Dr. Daniel Kahneman found that the pain of losing a dollar is equal to the pleasure of finding three dollars, highlighting the need for a greater reward to motivate change (1h46m22s).
• The decision to leave The Daily Show was not driven by misery, but rather a desire to focus on personal interests, such as spending time with loved ones, learning new languages, and traveling (1h46m46s).
• The desire to explore new opportunities and focus on personal interests was a key factor in the decision to leave The Daily Show and pursue other passions (1h47m8s).

You Don't Know What You've Got Until It's Gone (1h47m17s)

• The phrase "You Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone" became relevant during the pandemic, as it highlighted the importance of human connections and relationships that were taken for granted before (1h47m18s).
• The pandemic showed the value of being with people, such as friends and family, and the inability to do so made many realize what they had lost (1h47m34s).
• The experience led to a reevaluation of priorities, questioning what is truly important in life, such as the success of a show versus the success of friendships and relationships (1h48m46s).
• It became clear that letting go of something old is necessary to grab onto something new, and a decision had to be made about what to prioritize (1h48m58s).
• The Daily Show was an all-consuming job that left little time for other things, and it was not possible to be part-time in it (1h49m9s).
• Consuming excessive news can be overwhelming, especially for someone with a hyper-sensitive and empathetic brain, and it is essential to take breaks from the news (1h50m4s).
• It is not necessary to keep up with the news constantly, and reading it once a week can be enough to stay informed, as it allows for a more in-depth understanding of the stories (1h50m42s).
• Taking a break from the news can help avoid getting caught up in the cycle of developing stories and speculation, and instead, provide a clearer understanding of what is happening (1h50m51s).

Trevor's Therapy Journey (1h51m17s)

• The first time therapy was attended was in 2014 or 2015, and the decision to go was made for a set of reasons, including a desire to learn more about oneself and why one is the way they are from a skilled professional (1h51m17s).
• Men, particularly men of color, are often the least likely to go to therapy due to complex reasons, but it's essential for men who have been to therapy to talk about their experiences and the role therapy has played in their lives (1h51m36s).
• The idea of therapy was appealing because it offered a chance to learn more about oneself, similar to how physical therapy can help improve one's physical well-being (1h51m59s).
• Physical therapy can help people realize how their bodies have settled into restrictions over time, and similarly, mental therapy can help people recognize patterns and habits that prevent them from being themselves fully (1h52m14s).
• Reading books on the topic was fascinating, but they didn't provide personal insights, which is why therapy was sought to learn more about oneself and address specific issues (1h53m6s).
• The first time attending therapy felt like an opportunity to learn about oneself, and telling friends about it was met with a stigma, as people often asked what was wrong (1h53m25s).
• The stigma associated with therapy is slowly fading as more people talk about it, but in 2015, it was still present, and people often asked what was wrong when they found out about the therapy (1h53m31s).
• An interview with a British newspaper highlighted the stigma, as the interviewer asked why therapy was still being attended, implying that there must be something wrong, and responded with a common British attitude of not needing therapy (1h54m1s).
• The idea that therapy is unnecessary and that people should just move on is a common misconception, but therapy is actually necessary and welcomed by many (1h54m32s).
• Informal conversations with friends and loved ones can serve as a form of therapy, allowing individuals to confide in others and share their problems and doubts (1h55m3s).
• Many cultures, particularly those of color, have a long tradition of therapy, where individuals would speak to elders or community leaders to seek advice and guidance (1h55m48s).
• In some African cultures, speaking to elders is a common practice, where individuals would share their problems and receive advice based on generations of knowledge and communal understanding (1h55m54s).
• The stigma surrounding formal therapy can be reduced by reframing it as seeking advice from a trusted individual, such as an elder or spiritual leader (1h56m22s).
• Many professionals, such as bartenders and hairdressers, have served as informal therapists for centuries, providing a listening ear and guidance to those in need (1h56m56s).
• The idea of seeking therapy is not about admitting to being "broken," but rather about understanding and acknowledging one's emotional vulnerabilities and "cracks" (1h57m16s).
• The process of therapy involves not only understanding one's thoughts and intellectualizing problems but also acknowledging and exploring one's emotions and feelings (1h57m34s).
• Through therapy, individuals can learn to recognize and understand their emotions, rather than just intellectualizing their problems, and develop a deeper understanding of themselves (1h58m6s).
• By acknowledging and understanding one's emotions, individuals can begin to explore the underlying reasons for their feelings and develop a greater sense of self-awareness (1h58m25s).
• People can have different effects on an individual, even when saying the same thing, and understanding this is a personal journey and challenge (1h58m30s).
• This journey involves learning to feel and not just think through everything, allowing oneself to acknowledge and express emotions like tiredness, resentment, sadness, hopelessness, and melancholy (1h58m44s).
• Traditionally, men are not encouraged to express their emotions in the same way, often resorting to behaviors like drinking, anger, or distraction instead (1h59m4s).
• Men rarely openly express hurt or vulnerability to each other, instead using phrases like "you pissed me off" or resorting to physical aggression, as this is more socially acceptable (1h59m42s).
• This societal expectation can make men terrified to express their true emotions and vulnerabilities, leading them to hide behind more "acceptable" behaviors (1h59m42s).

Trevor's ADHD Diagnosis (1h59m56s)

• A friend's ADHD diagnosis led to the realization that some symptoms sounded familiar, prompting a decision to get diagnosed, despite being a very different person personality-wise (2h0m15s).
• The friend was good at hiding and masking their ADHD symptoms, which made the realization hit home and sparked a desire to get diagnosed (2h0m27s).
• As a child, a psychiatric evaluation was recommended due to complaints from teachers about being "all over the place," and a psychiatrist diagnosed hyperactivity, now known as ADHD (2h0m51s).
• The mother was advised to avoid certain foods and consider treatment, but she chose to pray for her son instead and didn't pursue further action (2h1m12s).
• As an adult, a real assessment was undergone, involving multiple visits and different types of tests, which led to a better understanding of ADHD (2h1m31s).
• There is a concern that society is flattening the term ADHD, making it seem like everyone has it, and people are self-diagnosing without proper understanding or assessment (2h1m50s).
• Not everyone who is forgetful or has a short attention span has ADHD, and even those with ADHD don't all have the same symptoms or experiences (2h2m3s).
• ADHD can present differently in women and men, and some people have learned coping mechanisms while others haven't (2h2m25s).
• It's essential to be careful when discussing ADHD and not assume that everyone has the same version or that all treatments are the same (2h2m42s).
• The diagnosis was made 3-4 years ago, after going through a proper assessment and learning more about ADHD (2h2m52s).

The Link Between ADHD And Depression (2h2m59s)

• A link between ADHD and depression exists, where the inability to choose where to place focus can lead to hyperfocus on irrelevant things or lack of focus on important things, contributing to depression (2h2m59s).
• This inability to control focus can cause the brain to get stuck in a loop of recurring thoughts or ideas, leading to feelings of meaninglessness and depression (2h4m22s).
• The brain's focus can be compared to a lens, where zooming in too much or too little can prevent seeing the object being observed, and getting stuck in a zoom can cause the brain to loop and struggle with finding meaning (2h4m50s).
• This looping can cause individuals to question the point of their daily routines and life in general, leading to feelings of meaninglessness and depression (2h5m40s).
• The inability to get these thoughts out of one's head can be overwhelming and contribute to feelings of depression and hopelessness (2h5m55s).
• The feeling of being stuck in this loop can be described as life feeling meaningless, and the concept of life becoming overwhelming (2h6m11s).
• The experience of feeling like life is meaningless and pointless can be overwhelming, and for individuals with ADHD, this feeling can be exacerbated by hyperfocusing on negative thoughts (2h6m17s).
• People with ADHD can hyperfocus on various topics, including learning about new disciplines, and can quickly become experts in those areas, but this hyperfocus can also be applied to negative thoughts and feelings (2h6m36s).
• The brain's attempt to interpret feedback can lead to getting stuck on negative thoughts, and individuals with ADHD are more prone to this due to their pattern recognition abilities, which can also make them good comedians (2h7m25s).
• Recognizing patterns in life can make it seem meaningless, but understanding ADHD as a lens through which to view the world can help individuals cope with these feelings (2h7m45s).
• After receiving an ADHD diagnosis, it's possible to start seeing it as a lens and develop strategies to cope with negative thoughts and feelings, such as talking to oneself and practicing being present (2h7m52s).
• One coping strategy is to practice being present by noticing and describing surroundings, which can help get the brain out of negative thought loops (2h9m5s).
• Practicing mindfulness and presence can help individuals with ADHD shift their focus away from negative thoughts and feelings and appreciate the meaning and importance of everyday experiences (2h9m11s).
• The conversation touches on the topic of mental health, specifically feelings of hopelessness and mood changes, and how a simple activity like taking a walk can impact one's mood (2h9m36s).
• It is mentioned that by the end of the walk, a person's mood can shift away from how they felt at the beginning of the walk (2h9m40s).
• The topic of feeling hopeless is also brought up, asking if the person has ever experienced such emotions (2h9m43s).

Did You Ever Feel Hopeless? (2h9m44s)

• There was a moment of feeling hopeless, but it was more about feeling meaningless and random, often triggered by fatigue, and not necessarily related to depression or ADHD (2h9m46s).
• To deal with feelings of hopelessness, it's essential to ask simple questions: have you slept, eaten well, moved your body, and spent time breathing, and if not, fulfill those needs before continuing to think about the issue (2h10m23s).
• When feeling hopeless, thinking about what you would do if your life were to end tomorrow can help you realize what's missing in your life and what you should be doing, but in a responsible way (2h11m15s).
• This thought process can help you identify what's holding you back, such as not setting boundaries or not communicating well with others, and encourage you to make positive changes (2h13m0s).
• Sometimes, people stop being their true selves and just exist, and having the idea of doing something wild and free can give you an inkling of what you're not doing for yourself (2h12m41s).
• Reflecting on what you would do if you had no consequences can help you understand what you're missing in your life and what you should be doing to make yourself happy (2h13m19s).
• This thought process can help you find meaning in life, even in desperate states, and encourage you to make positive changes to live a more fulfilling life (2h13m43s).

Trevor Reuniting With His Father (2h14m12s)

• Trevor Noah reunited with his father at the age of 25, which was a complicated experience (2h14m12s).
• The reunion was prompted by advice from his mother, who told him not to take for granted the answers that a person can hold for him, even if he didn't know he needed them (2h14m27s).
• Trevor's mother suggested that parents, especially those willing to engage with their children, can provide valuable insights and answers, as they have fundamentally shaped their children (2h14m40s).
• Trevor felt unsure but not scared about reconnecting with his father, and he had questions about what their relationship would be like and whether they would get along (2h15m10s).
• He wondered if his father remembered him, liked him, and loved him, but he also assumed his father's love because he had seen it throughout his life (2h15m46s).
• Trevor realized that assuming love is different from knowing that one is chosen by their parents, and this was an interesting aspect of their reunion (2h16m2s).
• The reunion allowed Trevor to see parts of himself that he didn't know came from his father, which was a fascinating, frustrating, and liberating experience (2h16m15s).

What Lesson Did You Learn From Your Father? (2h16m21s)

• Lessons learned from parents are often not taught but rather witnessed, and one of the most important lessons learned from his father is the importance of maintaining friendships throughout life (2h16m27s).
• His father's ability to maintain friendships and community even in old age is a valuable lesson, as friendships are often given less importance in the world of relationships compared to family and romantic relationships (2h16m55s).
• Friendships are unique in that they are purely based on choice and do not rely on transactions, making them a special and valuable part of life (2h17m21s).
• The conversation briefly shifts to a discussion about LinkedIn ads and their effectiveness in B2B marketing, highlighting their ability to target specific audiences and job titles (2h17m34s).
• The conversation then turns to his mother, Patricia, who is described as a central figure in his life and story, and is credited with instilling wisdom and resilience in him (2h18m27s).
• His mother's apparent resilience and perseverance in the face of struggles are described as astounding, and it is clear that she has had a profound impact on his life and legacy (2h18m50s).

Your Mum (2h19m0s)

• A photo was found that reminded the person of another picture, and this discovered photo is described as beautiful (2h19m1s).
• The person mentions that they have posted the other picture online (2h19m4s).
• The person is showing or referencing a picture of someone's mother, referred to as "you" in the context (2h19m2s).

What Would Trevor Say In His Last Phone Call To His Mother (2h19m7s)

• The struggle with the disconnect between parents and children is a common issue, with the fear of having words left unsaid, and this struggle is being navigated in personal life (2h19m7s).
• If given a 60-second phone call with Patricia, the last words would be "I love you, thank you, thank you, I love you" because most of what needed to be said has already been expressed, and beautiful conversations are had regularly (2h19m26s).
• Conversations with Patricia are often had during casual activities like driving or gardening, where life is discussed, and moments are shared without an agenda (2h20m1s).
• The experience of Patricia being shot allowed for gaining perspective on life, and she is a remarkable person who sounds like a great influence (2h20m42s).
• Continuing Patricia's legacy involves improving upon it, as she would challenge to do better, and recognizing that her exceptional qualities come from being a flawed human being (2h20m56s).
• The relationship with Patricia is built on acknowledging her flaws and the wounds inflicted, which need to be dealt with, and recognizing that parents can be great at some things and terrible at others (2h21m20s).
• The goal is to be better than the last generation, as Patricia always said, and to acknowledge that parents did their best, even if they failed at some things (2h22m11s).

Trevor's Thoughts On Fatherhood (2h22m18s)

• Thoughts on fatherhood are conflicted, with concerns about bringing children into a potentially terrible world, but also acknowledging that the world has been terrible at various points in time for everyone (2h22m18s).
• The decision to have a child is also influenced by the consideration of potentially passing on ADHD, and the challenges that come with it (2h22m45s).
• Despite the uncertainty, the hope is to provide two essential things to a child: being chosen and being considered (2h23m2s).
• Many parents do not choose or consider their children, instead treating them as if they owe them for bringing them into existence (2h23m13s).
• The perspective is that it is the other way around, with parents owing it to their children to consider them (2h23m31s).
• The idea of fatherhood is appealing, but it is also viewed as a puzzle, with the understanding that if it is expected to be terrible, it might actually be enjoyable, but if it is expected to be rewarding, there will likely be moments of hatred (2h23m40s).

Trevor's Romantic Relationships (2h23m59s)

• During the Daily Show days, personal life was put on hold due to the demanding work schedule, making it challenging to maintain romantic relationships (2h24m0s).
• Becoming more comfortable with the idea of being single has allowed for a healthier approach to relationships, viewing them as opportunities to bring value rather than solely relying on them for fulfillment (2h24m24s).
• A book titled "Into the Uncut Grass" is mentioned, which is described as beautiful, wise, and powerful, with the ability to resonate with people of all ages, from children to adults (2h25m34s).
• The book is compared to other inspiring works such as "The Boy, the Fox, and the Mole" and "The Little Prince," which encourage readers to rediscover their childlike curiosity and imagination (2h26m8s).
• The importance of connection and relationships is highlighted, with a focus on personal growth and self-awareness (2h26m41s).

The Lowest Point Of Your Life (2h26m42s)

• The lowest point in life was when the mother was shot, and it's still a work in progress to overcome the experience (2h27m16s).
• Overcoming the experience doesn't necessarily mean not thinking about it or it not affecting one's life anymore, but rather it might mean that it no longer negatively influences one's life (2h27m49s).
• The concept of overcoming something is not tangible, and it's not like scaling a mountain, but rather a continuous process (2h28m1s).
• The approach to dealing with the experience is to give oneself grace and try to understand that it's a work in progress (2h28m8s).
• A Japanese art form, Kintsugi, which involves repairing broken pottery and ceramics with golden bondage, has been a helpful concept in thinking about overcoming experiences and finding beauty in imperfections (2h29m28s).
• Kintsugi has shifted the perspective on overcoming experiences, from trying to be perfect again to embracing and wearing the cracks with a new type of pride and beauty (2h29m55s).
• The experience of overcoming is like being a ceramic that has been cracked many times, but with the help of love, therapy, and good people, it's possible to find ways to put gold bondage in those cracks and find more beauty in oneself (2h30m7s).

Would Trevor Erase What Happened To His Mother? (2h30m40s)

• A conversation about the Japanese tradition of Kugi led to a discussion about the concept of the Eraser test, which asks people who have experienced difficult situations if they would erase those experiences if given the option (2h30m43s).
• The Eraser test raises a philosophical argument about whether people should be grateful for difficult experiences that have shaped them into who they are today (2h31m1s).
• Some people believe that difficult experiences can lead to personal growth and new learnings, but it's also important to acknowledge that many people are broken by bad experiences and that it's not always possible to find a positive outcome (2h31m50s).
• Society often valorizes the idea that difficult experiences happen for a reason, which can put pressure on people to be grateful for traumatic events or to find meaning in them (2h32m11s).
• However, this perspective can be problematic, as it ignores the fact that people could have been happier, less wounded, or less hurtful if they hadn't experienced trauma (2h32m51s).
• It's essential to encourage people to find the best in difficult situations and to learn from them, but it's also important to acknowledge that people shouldn't have to be grateful for terrible things that have happened to them (2h33m7s).
• The idea that everything happens for a reason can be damaging, as it implies that people should be thankful for traumatic experiences or that they are somehow responsible for what happened to them (2h33m52s).
• The concept of an "Eraser test" is discussed, where people are asked if they would erase a difficult experience from their past if given the chance, but this approach can make people feel like they have to disown a part of themselves. (2h34m0s)
• A proposed alternative is the "Pencil test," where instead of erasing the experience, people can choose to rewrite the story and create a new narrative. (2h34m10s)
• The idea is that people's tribulations do not define them, and that they should strive to heal and move forward rather than celebrating their difficulties. (2h35m5s)
• The importance of authenticity, humility, and vulnerability is highlighted, and it is noted that these qualities are essential for building connections with others. (2h35m50s)
• The podcast "What Now" is mentioned, and it is described as a platform where the host explores their mind and shares their thoughts and experiences with listeners. (2h35m27s)
• The host expresses their admiration for Trevor Noah and his work, and notes that his family and team are big fans of his podcast. (2h35m41s)
• Trevor Noah is thanked for his time and for sharing his thoughts and experiences, and it is noted that the conversation was an honor and a privilege. (2h36m35s)
• The importance of finding belonging and connection with others is emphasized, and it is noted that this can have a profound impact on one's life and well-being. (2h36m54s)
• Finding one's community and people who share similar interests is the most rewarding experience, and it's essential to find a place where one feels they belong, rather than finding community in negativity (2h37m4s).
• People are increasingly finding community in shared negativity, such as hating the same things or people, but this is not sustainable and can be detrimental to one's well-being (2h37m15s).
• Studies have shown that having a strong group of friends can actually improve romantic relationships by lessening the burden and providing a support system (2h37m54s).
• When people have a strong community of friends, they are less likely to pour all their hopes, aspirations, dreams, fears, and frustrations onto one person, reducing the risk of reaching a breaking point in the relationship (2h38m6s).
• Maintaining a strong friendship can lead to better romantic relationships, as it provides a healthier and more balanced dynamic (2h38m17s).